Bio mum makes my blood boil

[LeaveMeAlone123]

How do you cope with an entitled leech of a bio mum? This woman plays the victim in every possible situation and is sucking my husband dry financially. She refuses to acknowledge my existence, but assumes I will happily provide childcare for her. Oh and she loves to speak badly of me and my DS in front of SC.

My hate for her is all consuming. Is it bad that I wish her a terrible life?

I honestly don’t think I can live the rest of my life like this. What do I do? How do you cope?

The added bonus of throwing my man-child spineless exh out was never having to have his ex or their dc in my life...

All consuming? Why are you giving her so much power over your life and energy?

Exactly this..... and start saying no. You are not free childcare. Dh and ex can sort between them

Because she won’t leave us alone! And my life is being controlled by someone who won’t even acknowledge my existence! It’s maddening.

Oh, this is going to go well...

You have to be more specific @LeaveMeAlone123 . You say that she expects childcare from you but refuses to acknowledge your presence- how is this possible? Also her taking your dh money- are you talking about CMS?

Oh yes.

why did you leech onto a man who is unable to set sensible boundaries?
why did you have a child with him who is unable to establish child care of his existing child on his own?

Maybe stop referring to her as ‘bio mum’?
that might help.

she is the kid’s mother and it’s a pretty disrespectful way to talk about someone.

You’ve said she is ignoring you, so how can she be doing that yet expecting you to provide childcare?

the missing link here is your DP. I’m guessing he’s the one she is expecting to ‘babysit’ the kids but he’s passing it on to you.

How is she sucking your husband dry?

(That comment sounded better in my head!)

I don’t think it’s necessarily meant to be disrespectful. Virtually all other forums other than Mumsnet use bio mum (BM) to distinguish who’s being talked about. They also distinguish their own children as bio children (from a previous relationship) or ours children (OC/OD/OS) to distinguish shared children. It just comes across on this site as inflammatory but it rarely the intent.

Eh? It’s not exactly rocket science is it? If you don’t want to engage with her then just leave with your son. You are choosing not to so not exactly sure what you want anyone to say.

How is she bleeding him dry? Is he paying more than the government bare minimum of something like 20% of his income for his child. I imagine she is expecting the child’s father to parent his child on his contact time. Not really her fault he palms the child off on you to babysit. Bit concerning you find this all consuming.

Yes every parenting forum i am on uses this too

Are you sure it’s ‘her’ you are providing childcare for op? And not on the time your husband is supposed to be parenting? Because then that would be ‘him’ you’re providing childcare for wouldn’t it, and nothing to do with her whatsoever. (Just that I’ve been on - looks at 17 yo dd - mumsnet for 17 years and every time a woman blames another woman for something, when after a bit of digging, turns out it was the man’s fault after all).

In short l wouldn't provide childcare, would t subsidise her child, wouldn't let her control you and block her on everything

Well the childcare situation is your husband issue. You are blaming the wrong person.
The money situation you need to explain more. In fact it all needs explaining more!

But maybe accepting she was there first and speaking of her in that way is not nice might be a good idea too!

She isn’t be disrespectful she’s quickly labelling that she is referring to her step children’s mum. No malice. Just facts.

Bio mum is not an insult.

Step Mums are often Mums too. It all gets a bit ‘mummy’ on these chats so Bio Mum is a quick reference tool.

Im a mum, and step Mum. Wouldn’t be offended by bio Mum.

His life. Not yours. You don't have to let her have a single ounce of control over your life if you don't want to.

I'm sure she did suck him dry many times whilst they were together

I’m in your boat, my step children’s mum, is awful.

She had the affair. She left. But she is hell bent on controlling my husband. She hates him more than she cares about her children’s mental health. It’s really sad.

your options are to leave.

or to take back control by not making it your issue to carry. Let him take responsibility (or not) and you focus on your family. That doesn’t mean neglecting your step children. You can be all present but shut any noise that hurts you.

Bio mum?!

Try mum.

Probably 🤣🤣🤣

Are you sure the issue isn’t his refusal to be clear with her and have sensible boundaries?

It’s up to him how much she impacts on your life together. He decides what money he gives her on top of normal maintenance, how contact works etc. She can’t make you do childcare, what on earth do you mean by that? He cares for them during their time with him.

You never need to see or speak to her. She’s entirely his problem.

We are working on it as we speak!

She has manipulated him to think that he is a bad father and so has walked all over him. Pays CMS plus mortgage. She also demands that one of her children be at club on his days while I stay at home with his other child, which I’ve now said will not happen anymore.