Bio mum makes my blood boil

[LeaveMeAlone123]

How do you cope with an entitled leech of a bio mum? This woman plays the victim in every possible situation and is sucking my husband dry financially. She refuses to acknowledge my existence, but assumes I will happily provide childcare for her. Oh and she loves to speak badly of me and my DS in front of SC.

My hate for her is all consuming. Is it bad that I wish her a terrible life?

I honestly don’t think I can live the rest of my life like this. What do I do? How do you cope?

How long have you been together?
How many children does he have?
How many children do you have?
Do you have any shared children?

CMS plus mortgage?? Why??? Does he not have a backbone??

A bio mum is the actual mum. End of. Whether you like her or not.

Thank goodness you popped by to say this. No one had mentioned it till now.

Just stop the childcare. Ignore her back.

Zen life.

If he continues to pay the mortgage voluntarily when he doesn’t need to, tell him you’re off. And that he can pay your new mortgage too.

Honestly, not many men are worth the pure hell that exes and DSC often bring. He needs to support you as much as her, but sounds like this will only start if you stand up for yourself.

depends on the length of marriage and the terms of the divorce settlement indeed mortgage payment might be reasonable especially if the plan is to sell once the kids 18=21 ish.
same with sports clubs if well established.

Unless hes a ridiculously high earner this doesnt happen. The mortgage is solely taken over by the resident parent and they have to prove in court their affordability. Yes the NRP can agree to continue paying a contribution but as the DH in this situation has married I highly doubt that is in place.

Perhaps she hates you because you keep referring to her as “bio mum”.

I am actually the opposite of a leech, thank you very much. I am a high earner and provide for my own son AND step children. I pay half of all our expenses. The only reason we live in a nice home and each SC has their own room is because I can pay half.

He has been manipulated by this woman for many years to feel like he is a terrible father and legally obligated to do these things for her. She tried to manipulate his family against him. It’s only been until recently (with the help of a therapist) that he’s come around to the fact that this woman earns enough money to support herself and she actually doesn’t need his support.

He’s not helpless op. Your anger is misdirected.

Honestly ignore her back. I get it but it's not worth your peace and you give her too much power, been there done that. Don't do childcare. Don't do anything for her. Your partner only needs to take care of his responsibilities to his children and thats it. She tries to control your household? Ignore her and carry on as you intend

She refuses to give him 50/50 contact arrangements because she wants the CMS. What kind of mother does that?

I'd love to hear her side.

What happened when he went to court to change the arrangement to 50/50?

Yes what happened?

Perhaps he wants to ensure a secure home for his children? Some men do.

He still wants to provide for his first family.

Solidarity my friend ❤️

thanks for being the only person on this thread to actually share something helpful

Well you lost any credibility by using the term “bio mum”

If you don’t want to have to deal with an ex in your life don’t get together with a man with children. Pretty simple. As others have said would love to hear her side as doesn’t sound as clear cut as you are making out

you do get what CMS is don’t you him paying for his children? Not supporting her because I feel you should.

also you don’t have to be with his child when the other is at a club but if you mean she wants her oldest to do a club he likes?

and some recognise that 50/50 is for parents not children and doesn’t work for all

I assume the house will be sold though? And if it hasn’t why not

In any circle I am in the term bio bum is the same as birth parent. A biological
parent who surrendered their rights - it is used to distinguish between ‘real’ adoptive parents who do all the parenting and biological parents who only have a biological link. I know adult children who have decided it’s time to meet their biological parents. I have never hear someone in real life use this to refer to the actual parents.

I think it is intended to be disrespectful I this usage.

If he wanted 50/50 and he took it to court- he’d get it. It’s pretty much considered the starting point if it went to a court. Even really crappy fathers get 50/50 if they push for it.

CMS is usually so minimal that it isn't unreasonable that he should pay for the housing of his children if he can afford to do so, which is sounds like he can as he is also managing to pay half of your joint living costs.

If he wants 50:50 he can ask the court to order that, or he can tell her that it is a step he is willing to take and invite her to agree.

The kids shouldn't have to stop clubs just because they are at yours, but she can't dictate how that should happen- it's up to the 2 of you how to juggle that, whether your dh takes both kids with him or if you are happy to have one at home. If the child is old enough that they require minimal supervision it would be pretty harsh for you to insist on them going out if you're going to be home anyway (if you're not going to be home then it's on your dh to figure things out).

Hopefully the therapy will help him to regain control of his life and be able to interact with her, without being a pushover and letting her control him.

certainly some of these qualities in your dh (being manipulated, overly generous with is ex, low self esteem) were present prior to you having a child with him.
what made you marry him knowing full well the situation at hand?