Bio mum makes my blood boil

[LeaveMeAlone123]

How do you cope with an entitled leech of a bio mum? This woman plays the victim in every possible situation and is sucking my husband dry financially. She refuses to acknowledge my existence, but assumes I will happily provide childcare for her. Oh and she loves to speak badly of me and my DS in front of SC.

My hate for her is all consuming. Is it bad that I wish her a terrible life?

I honestly don’t think I can live the rest of my life like this. What do I do? How do you cope?

Im not hearing any manipulation here, just misdirected anger.

If thehouse is still in joint names he bloody well should pay...its his legal debt. What were the term of the settlement?

If he wanted 50/50 he would have it. Whats the COA say?

She's their mum not their bio mum .
I have step kids and no way would I refer to their mum as bio mum. She's their mum. It's diminishing and disrespectful.

If you get together with someone who has kids with someone else, you do have to accept this.

I think you either need therapy or to leave the relationship

Or is this a reverse?

Maybe she doesn't want her kids staying with someone who is so filled with hatred for their mum.

Maybe she doesn't think 50/50 is in the children's best interest. A lot of children hate the constant shuttling

You only have to say mum.

I’ve been in your situation OP. I suggest you stop the childcare leave that to dad. My sort of ex/partner paid his ex mortgage for something like 4 years of our relationship. It’s part of why I love him that he provides for his kids. He stopped when she sold the house and moved in with a new partner. My own children’s father needed CMS to force him to pay, I’ve had comments off her like your OP because he was using her for childcare on his time and leeching off her because he ‘had to pay loads to his ex’. All blame placed on me by him and she fell for it. Is that the sort of man you want to be with OP? Because I don’t get the nasty comments anymore from her, she’s had a kid with him and bought a house with him and works full time, their kid is in childcare full time while he works part time leeching off her. My kids don’t go to that house hardly at all now because as soon as she put her foot down and refused to do the childcare he stopped wanting to have them. Trust me you don’t want to be with a man like this. You want one who cares more for his kids than winning. And a good man cares more for his kids than a new partner and always should

So he hasn't gone to court to sort out parenting? It's like £300, and a very basic thing he could have sorted years ago.
Is the house he's paying a mortgage on a marital asset for you and him? He doesn't sound brilliant, blaming a woman for his choices.

So he goes to court to get 50:50, and he only pays what CMS says.

He can put the extra he was paying into JISAs for the kids if it makes him feel like a bad dad, so he is still dedicating that money to them.

There are legal frameworks to solve this problem. Is he using them? If not, it’s a DH problem.

So he takes her to court! He’s a spineless father and is also sponging off you if you’re paying for a bigger house and his children.
Stop making excuses for him. Stop looking after his children if you don’t want to.

Why do you call her 'bio mum'? She's a mum. It sounds very difficult but minimising the importance of this woman in her child's life will not help anyone.

What does the consent order say op? What were the terms of the childcare on divorce?

this all sounds so strange.

when people get divorced they go to mediation/lawyers/courts to decide how to split fairly/due to needs everything. They sign, then get on with their lives.

are you saying they didn’t do any of this?

That's interesting to know that 'bio mum' is commonly used but why not simply say'mum'? There would be no confusion here. No way is OP this child's mother.

If he’s not bothered about fighting for 50/50 then he can at least ensure they have a home.

It’s lovely when a man can swan off, complain about his ex being so awful(but he left his children) start a whole brand new family and moan when it bites him in the arse!

Then new partner steps up to save him. Pathetic. Sorry op I think you need to look at this set up through impartial eyes.

The bio mum chat is boring as hell, get over it people, it’s not a big deal.

@LeaveMeAlone123i never would have looked twice at a man still paying a mortgage for his ex, it tells you everything you need to know. He is giving her all the power …. He showed you that from that start, he doesn’t mind being controlled by her. He’s the problem, not her.

We don’t know why, and I doubt you do either, you’ve just had a possibly spiteful guess, but many parents just want what is best for their children - for some that would be 50/50, but not for all, depends totally on parents/children/locatuons.

when my ex and I were still together, he was (is) a high earner and we decided that because we could afford it, what would be best for our children was him working full time and my working school hours only so that I was there for our children always. That being best for the children didn’t change when we split up, it was still best for the children. So our split of assets/childcare in the consent order facilitated that.

50/50 wouldn’t have been best for our children. Because either they would have had to go in to childcare on his time or he would have taken time off. But then the money wouldn’t be there to give them the wonderful quality of life that they have, and he’s not that good at looking after them because he’s too selfish. What would have been the point of that when they have a brilliant loving (😜💪) mother right there who could do that? I’m the better parent, he’s the better provider, so it makes sense to go with the strengths.

Not necessarily, it might simply be a fair split of the marital assets, rather than a clean break, the op hasn’t clarified.

Someone who didn’t want a clean break divorce is telling you all you need to know about what a future with them would look like. This is 100% the guy problem.

Ah, I see what you meant then. Fair enough.

the childcare is your DHs responsibility- his ex doesn’t get to dictate that you stay at home with the other child. He can pay only the CM amount should he wish to do so. HE is the one who is allowing this to happen and you are the one who chose to be in this relationship. If you do not like the situation you need to address it with your DH. I highly doubt his ex gives a toss what you think of her to be honest especially when you are referring to her as “bio mum” as if she’s not actually a part of her children’s lives.

I get it. I had step siblings. Their mother had the affair but kept the house and child support. My step father was not my Bio father but was a brilliant dad. I watched my mother jump through hoops to appease the ex wife whilst never being acknowledged, just so my step dad could see them.

Don't continue making that mistake. How old are the DSS?

He sounds very invested in his ex considering he is remarried.
Sounds like he still has feelings for her and wants to take care of her as well as the children.
She decided to leave him? she hates him? but he goes above and beyond for her.
I can see why you’re angry but you’re blaming the wrong person.
I suspect he is trying to show he never stopped caring and is showing you and her where his heart really belongs.
Don’t be second best, there’s 3 in this marriage and you are the other woman.

Op it sounds like you all need to calm down and have a talk. The poor kids stuck in the middle of this

Quite. The word "bio" is both superfluous and diminishing.
Mum is quicker to write and entirely accurate on its own.

You know he can apply to court for 50/50? Which is what a father who wanted 50/50 would do, if the mother refused it.

Although neither should be going to court because of what they "want". They should be focused on what is best for the children