13 year old step daughter causing chaos…this isn’t going to get better is it?

[Makeitstop0]

Mum and Dad have been apart 6 years and mum moved on very quickly with a new man who moved into the family home

I met dad after 4 years of being single although he had one short relationship in that time where he said his daughter behaved in the exact same way as well as using her for money constantly as the woman was very wealthy

I met his children after we had dated for a year which was challenging in itself as he has the kids ( DD 13 and DS 10 ) every weekend but for the last 10 months I have been seeing them if I go to the house on the weekend and I often organise days out for them as dad isn’t massively proactive in that sense

Whenever I’m at the house, as soon as I walk in his daughter starts moaning that she’s bored - stropping and slamming doors if she’s not entertained and every suggestion ( unless it’s something big like going trampolining / cinema / dinner ) is met with a no
She will lie wherever me and her dad are and just sulk for hours with the occasional noise or “ It’s not fair “ being said

I find it so uncomfortable to have a teenager so close in our space when she’s behaving like that so I try to think of things we can do whilst dad is just completely ignoring it

This morning has been the same - we’ve taken her swimming first thing and the minute we are back the moaning starts up again

I suggested we go for a walk and leave her to have the TV to herself even though this was met with moans and on the walk dad said “ She’s much worse when you’re around as you play into it “

I replied “ That’s because you don’t correct it and ignore hoping it will go away which it doesn’t “

He went crazy, screaming that I’m a prick and that I’m a judgmental arsehole and my kid isn’t perfect

For context, I have a 15 year old daughter who isn’t perfect and I’ve confided in him over the last year about things but he’s never met her ( her dad has played a big part in her feeling she doesn’t want to but I’ve respected she doesn’t so that’s that ) but her issues are not the same at all - she isn’t attention seeking in the slightest and these issues have been largely because she and I have very different personalities which she finds annoying

His last relationship broke up because the daughter constantly asked to stay at this woman’s house even though barely knew her and he agreed for an easy life and took his son home with him leaving daughter there -
woman then drove drunk to the shop and crashed the car with daughter in it

Is this all step families or just this one?

He can be lovely but the temper is an issue and he can’t see how uncomfortable her behaviour makes me and I think would make most people surely - how can you continue a conversation when you have a 13 year old basicially lying across you on a sofa in a strop?

Any help apppreciated!

This. It’s not the child, it’s the parent. Do not get involved with lazy shit dads!!

Men like that quickly find women to deal with there kids , cooking, cleaning . Theres always women who fall for it. Did he feed you a sob story about his crazy ex? 🤦‍♀️

His not your hubby
shes not your child
you get no peace
there both rude to you

What do YOU GET out off this?

dump him , take a nice holiday, find a nice man and have your own Kids with him.🥰

It’s messy for sure. Men love it as they get the benefits but the women don’t. My sister almost took on a man and his 3 kids. I said don’t bloody do it or I will slap you with a wet fish! within a week of her dumping him he found another gullible woman. See,,, they just want a woman to look after there kids. My sister is now married with 3 kids of her own. 👍

She sounds like a spoilt brat who is way to
old to be that needy, anyways it’s not the OPs issue.

She’s 13 and should no better! Even my 4 year old don’t do that to me!

A few decades ago a proper on the knee spanking would of sorted a brat like that out. Done in front of family . Trust me if done right it did work.

totally. He don’t respect her His teaching his daughter that shoutings ok. I hope the OPs using good birth control. Better still she should dump him….

I no. It’s such a messy set up. Shes choosing a nasty bf and his bratty daughter over her own daughter….

I had a ex partner like him. We didn’t have kids thankfuly . It took family to tell me to leave him. Im glad I did. I took a nice brake from men, worked on me for me and Met my now husband when i
weren’t even looking for it. 😂We now got children together and going to be grandparents soon!.

I looked up my ex partner …his got multiple kids with diff women and a live in gf whose preg with twin’s. What a bloody mess but not my bloody mess .

He may be a narc…. I went out with one but dumped him. We had no kids together phew!

His got a bloody mess life now. I came out of the other side…, if I had not of I would be part off his bloody mess still 😡

Totally and not like she sees her own daughter

Love isn’t just a feeling! It’s a action also. Think using your head darling:

his rude to you
he don’t listen to you
he call you name’s
he don’t parent his kid
his kid is rude to you
you get no peace
you get no fun
you try to parent her but it don’t work
You don’t see your own daughter

i was with a man like him, best thing I did was dump his arse and move on. I been with my blokey for over 20 yr. we going to be grand parents soon 😍

do not have a single child with this man

leave him

You will come out the other side…

Just for you? Or you going with the BF? 🤦‍♀️

I Thought the same. Shes his gf and came to see him not his daughter. This modern thing of doing everything together / be in each others pockets don’t work!

She keeps her own daughter out of it
but his not keeping his daughter out of it.

hope OP dumps him

A few decades ago, proper grammar was a thing we all took for granted too, especially in any written communication e.g.

'She should know better. .'
'My 4 year old doesn't do that to me'
'Would have sorted that out'
And a bit of punctuation wouldn't go astray in your post either tbh.

I don't know, but perhaps those spankings you were/ are so fond of, weren't that good for your written grammar!?

Yet another example of blended families being hell for the children. Not your daughter, op, she’s being protected, but please get out of this 13 year olds life. She’s not able for it. Poor kid

Crikey op, if I were you I’d be starting to think of all the things you could be doing in your free time that enhance your precious life rather than spunking it all away on trying to entertain a lazy bastards bored, attention starved teenager. If that’s the effort he makes with her I assume you get even less.

what are your own ideas of a fun time at the weekend in your spare time? What fills your cup? Time to start doing more of that and chase your own dreams instead of tagging along as an extra in this guys feature film.

also judge a person on their worst behaviour not their best, huge mistake we all make as women and learn the hard way. Nice people don’t call people they live a prick, end of. He’s a loser mate, take the rosey specs off. Go fill your weekends with fun!

I spend my weekends doing a hobby I love, meeting new people, taking stunning photos, getting exercise and seeing friends who are kind to me. I’d be miserable if I were doing what you’re doing now, good sex and connection or not. You’ll find that again soon enough it’s not a one off believe me

It sounds like the dad makes no effort and SD finds the weekends boring, so she spends them manipulating dad’s girlfriends, who are prepared to spend money and effort on entertaining her when dad doesn’t. You are a cash machine to dad and daughter and you are also taking over the parenting role so he can sit back and benefit - and look good to the daughter because he isn’t saying no. The daughter gets to do what she wants and someone else pays and organizes. Dad wins.

Ditch him today by text, which is what he deserves. It doesn’t matter if you feel a connection with him, you need to think with your head here, not your heart. It’s great that you’ve found a therapist - good luck moving forward 💐

Hes the prick not you, dump, he doesn’t respect you and the time you spend together sounds crap as his dd is always sat next to you by the sounds of it. I think you’re best off out of the drama.

Send him a link to this thread and tell him it’s over. You don’t need this.

He'd scream in my face just the once. 😱.
I would never look back.

🙄 no OP’s problem

I absolutely would never ever have a child with this man to the poster who suggested that....

But you would happily bring him into your daughters' life? How does that make sense? If you feel that strongly, you shouldn't be with him.....time to raise the bar OP!

You're more concerned for her wellbeing than he is. When he feels challenged he's aggressive towards you. Dump.

She’s allowed to be bored. It’s nobody’s job to constantly entertain her. She’s taking the piss and needs to learn to entertain herself. My mum would have told me only boring people get bored and then left me to it. If I was huffing puffing and slamming things I’d have had it pointed out how utterly obnoxious I was being to the people around me and to remove myself if I can’t be pleasant. Her father sounds like a bit of a prick so personally I’d probably leave. 🤷‍♀️

OP you sound so nice, and you deserve much, much better.