Summer holiday plans am I being unreasonable

[Babyinbloom291]

My DSC comes to stay with us in the 6 weeks holiday, which is no issue. I am pregnant and my due date is July which means we will have a new born baby in the house, it’s my first child so I already have worries as any new parent about what to expect and just general how tough things will be at the beginning while I learn the ropes.

My DSC (teenage) asked her dad if she could have a friend stay with us over the holidays, which would not usually be an issue. Later that day we find out actually it was her mother who said she’d be able to arrange that with her father, and shouldn’t be an issue.

My husband agrees that it’s an insane suggestion given that we will have a new born in the house, and have never met said friend. Also we are in no financial position at the moment to board an extra small adult. Just confirming we are not being unreasonable? There has been no prior conversation with him or us about the arrangement so we feel a bit blind sided. Also if my husband has to say no, it makes him look like the bad guy.

Does dad have her for all of the holidays?

Can the friend not come up with her during Easter or the may holiday?
Before the baby is born.

I wouldn’t have the friend come up with the newborn baby because life is going to be hectic enough.

No just half of it
That’s a good idea though!
Yes I agree!

Agree Easter and a friend would be good

I totally understand not wanting an unknown teen in your house while coping with a newborn, I didn’t allow my son to have sleepovers when my youngest was born for exactly that reason. I also have teen sc and yes they are easier to entertain when they have friends and I do feel like it won’t be the best visit for your dsd if she’s on her own with you, a newborn and her dads at work.

why can’t your dh defer his paternity leave and take it when dsd is visiting. I know it means you being on your own at first but lots of women, myself included have been on own and it was absolutely fine. Just seems like a sensible option

I think your DH needs to explain that you can't commit as you don't know when the baby will come or how well you'll both be u til baby is here

What happens usually in holidays @Babyinbloom291

who looks after teen then when at yours ? Does dh take time off or you do the caring for or are you usually at work

I think the step kid bit is irrelevant here. I wouldn’t be having anyone to stay in those first few weeks. End of. Just say no. Don’t feel bad at all, you do not need more people in your house during this time, plus the friend will easily feel ‘in the way’ at times I’m sure and that would be rubbish for them 200 miles from home.

The mother said ask your Dad - at what point has the Ex said this would happen. Usual hysteria on the SM forum about EXs.

You need to get her DF to sort this out not you.

@Finallylostit it was said it would be possible and that they would arrange with dad - Without discussing with dad. So no “usual hysteria”, it’s frustrating in any parenting set up whether that be co-parenting or standard parenting if one parent agrees to something without discussing with the other before hand.

Unfortunately it then leads to one parent looking like “the bad guy” to a child, when it could have been prevented by simply having the discussion between adults first. It’s actually a pretty standard process between most parents.

It would be a no from me

Absolutely not, perhaps they can have a couple of days together but you can’t facilitate transport with. Newborn. Sorry DSC it’s tough but this year is gonna be difficult.

a friend coming to stay at some point over summer for a night or two. No issue.
extended stay or visit over time you’ll give birth. Hell no. Put your foot right down.
sd yes. Pal no.