Summer holiday plans am I being unreasonable

[Babyinbloom291]

My DSC comes to stay with us in the 6 weeks holiday, which is no issue. I am pregnant and my due date is July which means we will have a new born baby in the house, it’s my first child so I already have worries as any new parent about what to expect and just general how tough things will be at the beginning while I learn the ropes.

My DSC (teenage) asked her dad if she could have a friend stay with us over the holidays, which would not usually be an issue. Later that day we find out actually it was her mother who said she’d be able to arrange that with her father, and shouldn’t be an issue.

My husband agrees that it’s an insane suggestion given that we will have a new born in the house, and have never met said friend. Also we are in no financial position at the moment to board an extra small adult. Just confirming we are not being unreasonable? There has been no prior conversation with him or us about the arrangement so we feel a bit blind sided. Also if my husband has to say no, it makes him look like the bad guy.

As others have suggested I would say all being well your friend is very welcome to come in X date in August. If her parents drop her off we can return you both three days later on Y date when you are due to return to your mums house.

I’m so confused as to where I said she isn’t allowed out on her own?

You may find it’s easier if DSD has a friend as she won’t rely on you so much for entertainment. I often found that my dd was easier when a mate stayed as they’d pretty much just stay in their bedroom or go out with their friend.

@OatFlatWhiteForMe ah this is a good suggestion!

@JustWalkingTheDogs thank you - hadn’t thought of it like that

@Babyinbloom291 here …

@Babyinbloom291 I am all for treating kids equally.
I would even say no to my own child in your situation

If I was dh I’d be telling kid if she wants her friend to stay then she will have to organise for it at her mother house.
This year isn’t the right time so maybe another time .

I would say yes for maybe the odd weekend or week bear the end of the 6 weeks stay after you have settled a few weeks with the baby.

Maybe Dd is afraid of being board or left out this summer.

@pengwing i actually stated it’s not as simple as go off and do their own thing, as they will require dropping, picking up etc etc

When dd has a friend over I barely see them. It's so easy. She's 13 so just needs food or her card topped up so she can buy it.

I agree. It might make things easier. Ask sd about this friend.

@Imbusytodaysorry I’m all for treating both children fairly. And if I was due much earlier and the baby be a few months by then and we know how life’s looking then as I said it would be no issue. We’ve looked into friends coming away with us to on UK breaks previously

the summer holiday set up is not changing in any way, it’s how it’s always been arranged. And the 3 we is off are 2 paternity, so it’s not that my husband is taking holiday for 1 and not the other. The issue is he will not be allowed to take a very long period off work so even if he requested the holiday it would be denied.

When two young teens are hundreds of miles from home you can't exactly leave them to their own devices!

@Needlenardlenoo thank you! It would be completely irresponsible of us as parents. Also if +1 was to have any accidents or fall ill, it’s not as easy as being just down the road. They’ve be miles away from their parents

@Needlenardlenoo hence my previous comment but people seem to have taken this as both children being shackled to their beds

You’re making this out to be a drama when it isn’t.

She asked if she could have a friend to stay. What’s wrong or not normal about that? Equally her mum said she’d have to arrange it with her dad. Of course she would, she’ll be staying with him.

So all he has to do is say no.

It shouldn’t be down to her mother t say no, she’s his child, and she’s asked him.

She hasn’t done anything wrong, and her mother hasn’t done anything wrong either.

Just because it’s not practical right now doesn’t mean she was wrong to ask.

I bet that if DSC was your DC you wouldn’t invite her friends to stay at this time! Say no and explain why. The teen may sulk or argue but that’s age appropriate!

@Never2many I’m not making it a “drama”
it’s simply about parents communicating with eachother first and making arrangements rather than agreeing to something without having any consideration for others.
same way I would speak to my husband first if my DSC asked me if she could buy something, do something I’m unsure if he would be happy with.

@pengwing* *
i agree with you. Your DSC will need entertainment and it might be a lot easier with a friend around. After all if this was your DSC’s full time home you would be taking them out and about.

@yikesanotherbooboo in the weeks after just giving birth, I wouldn’t no. I don’t intend on having any visitors until we are settled, friends or family

You’re not being unreasonable at all. There’s so way I’d even consider entertaining this. ‘No it won’t be possible this year because I’m due to give birth in July and will then be recovering from birth and adjusting to having a newborn over the summer. I can’t wait for you to be a part of that DSC but it isn’t the right time for there to be someone we don’t know living in the house’

@Never2many nobody had an issue with the asking, he has simply said no
but the issue is, one parent has agreed to; given false hope to a child that is going to feel immensely disappointed when she isn’t able to do as she’s been told

But mum didn't agree to it on dad's behalf, she told the daughter to ask dad which she then did. I'm not seeing an issue with that? Presumably you think that mum should have just blanked teen, rung dad and asked him, then told teen yes or no rather than having her do the asking herself? That's bonkers.

Why not suggest friend for a short period at the start (flagging risk that if the baby arrives earlier than expected then plans might have to change) and friend at the end.

Bit in the middle with chaos of new baby and dad off, just family.

So are you expected to be looking after SC and a baby when your partner is at work?

Just say no to SC, maybe next time she can bring her friend.

The OP has already explained the dad has 3 weeks paternity but it may not coincide with the 3 weeks the DD is staying and he won't be able to take annual leave straight afterwards.

It's far too early to arrange anything like this.

I think the suggestion of having the friend in October half term instead is a good one.