Page 8 | Partners kids are jealous of our kids

Mummy98736362 · 2025-01-18T06:41:56+00:00

So my partner had 2 kids with ex wife. She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years ( since I had our first child) he’s finally able to see them again but the ex wife keeps telling my partner not to bring our kids because his other 2 kids get jealous they are not spending time with their father. This is so annoying for me, I work full time it’s now impacting my work. I just don’t know how to feel about this? I feel it’s unfair and she’s not being very thoughtful about my kids who by the way want to go and see their other siblings. What’s your view on this? What do I do?

KarmenPQZ · 18/01/2025 11:41

Mummy98736362 · 18/01/2025 07:17

i know he needs to see his kids, I’m not getting in the way nor would I ever do that. I’m just saying I have days off during the week where I could stay with our kids and he could go and see them alone and spend as much time as wanted with them however she always insists on the day I’m working and she wants him to leave my kids with other people. I don’t think that’s fair on her side, I’m not being selfish but I also don’t want my husband to have to Inconvenience other people EVERY time.

it sounds like you do t work the standard Monday - Friday and you want your Dogs ex to let him see the kids on a day you don’t work. Ie a weekday. This is massively unreasonable if you if I’ve understood correctly as presumably the kids are in school. And you rely on your partner looking after your shared kids on a weekend day to enable you to work. And she wants that weekend day. I think it’s u fortunate but totally reasonable if her to want him to spend a weekend day alone with his kids and not yours.

I get it inconveniences you if you work weekend but that’s just how the standard working week is.

but also why shouldn’t your partners pre-existing kids inconvenience you - you’ve had 6 years of them having no impact on his life so I think you both have a bit of catching up to do.

worrying I’ve missunderstood the days - you’ve not been very clear at all on days and most people will assume a standard working week if mon - fri

GetUpRightNowAndTomatoSalsa · 18/01/2025 11:43

Yet another example of why I can't understand people having kids with someone who already has kids. It is ALWAYS messy. Poor first round of kids - it is nine times out of ten worse for them.

OP, suck it up and make it work for that first round of kids. YOU chose to have kids with this man. Neither the first kids, nor his ex, chose to bring you into this mess.

LAMPS1 · 18/01/2025 11:48

You can understand that your partner’s two older children are jealous of your two with him and will want time alone with him to make up for the six lost years.

So it’s difficult to know what your dilemma actually is, -with regards to their jealousy.

The clear answer, which you must have already have come to, is for him to have enough time with them now, to satisfy their needs so that they are no longer jealous. And for this to happen, there have to be adjustments to all your life styles so that your partner is free to make it up to them. He needs your help for that and it has to be talked through, not just assumed that will give it.

I know you aren’t married to him but still you are in effect, hopefully a potential step parent to his older dc. As his partner, it’s important to work with him in any way you can, stay as a strong team together, so that you don’t add any extra obstacles to them.

Having children with a man who already had two children was never going to be a life without extra problems to overcome.
I hope you can manage to find a way forward, but it will take a lot of compromise and not be easy especially if the ex wife is difficult and controlling. Good luck!

Pickledpoppetpickle · 18/01/2025 11:48

It is unreasonable that the older kids can not comprehend that their father needs to look after minor children sometimes.They need a reality check.Their young siblings are not bags of potatoes

Children who have been treated as lesser than bags of potatoes by both their parents, seemingly, for the last 6 years? They're the ones who need to get a reality check?

The only reality check needed here is the OP who has accepted a useless father for her children and should have faced up to that fact 6 years ago.

thescandalwascontained · 18/01/2025 11:48

Mummy98736362 · 18/01/2025 07:08

I agree that he needs to commit to seeing them alone but it also needs to work for me and my kids! I have worked full time for years. He knows that on the specific day she wants him to see the kids that I work and he’s watching our kids. So please before who ever said something about my work read again. People have responsibilities and commitments.

I agree with you, OP.

He can't fuck over your job and commitments to dance to her tune. He takes your joint children with him to see his if you're working, or he makes arrangements at different times to see his children without them.

AshCrapp · 18/01/2025 11:49

Mummy98736362 · 18/01/2025 07:13

I told him many times to do that but he didn’t want to take it to court. I tried to insist a couple of times but at the end of the day it’s not my kids and I can’t force another human to do something that they are not willing

How were you happy having children with a man who couldn't he arsed going to court for access to his own children?

thescandalwascontained · 18/01/2025 11:50

andweallsingalong · 18/01/2025 11:02

I'm sorry but surely the simple truth is that your husband is no longer available to watch your joint kids on the day you work. So you and he need to find childcare for them or switch your working days.

His kids have not seen him for 6 years and surely you can see that they need to be his priority on that one day a week.

Then HE needs to source and pay for the childcare for those days, since I imagine OP covers her share on the days HE works.

Bodeganights · 18/01/2025 11:51

renoleno · 18/01/2025 10:35

Can you honestly say most people do go to court to see their kids?? There's an awful lot of kids who never see one parent, I bet there's more that don't than do. In fact most people don't go to court to fight for anything unless being prosecuted, in the UK.

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The courts are full, very little time to spare between cases, I'd say yes, plenty of parents go to court to see their children.

Unfortunately as those courts are private for good reason, you'll just have to take my word for it.

Snorlaxo · 18/01/2025 11:51

A lot of replies say go to court now but no court is going to do a Child Arrangement Order for kids that age. They are deemed legally able to choose how much contact they have with each parent (which may be why ex is arranging contact with op’s h now)

Completelyjo · 18/01/2025 11:51

It is unreasonable that the older kids can not comprehend that their father needs to look after minor children sometimes.They need a reality check.Their young siblings are not bags of potatoes

Why would they understand that when their father hasn’t seen them for the last 6 years never mind cared for them?

StormingNorman · 18/01/2025 11:53

The ex is making a perfectly reasonable point. He’s not seen his children in six years and needs to rebuild that relationship. That means a lot of one on one time, affection and his undivided affection.

As a mother, I’m sure you understand how important bonding time is.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/01/2025 11:54

Mummy98736362 · 18/01/2025 07:09

This is the best answer. I agree 100% it’s not her at all. My partner is the one who needs to handle the situation better and not let it affect me.

What is the best answer? You haven't quoted anyone.

The quote button is on the left under each post.

Digdongdoo · 18/01/2025 11:54

Completelyjo · 18/01/2025 11:51

It is unreasonable that the older kids can not comprehend that their father needs to look after minor children sometimes.They need a reality check.Their young siblings are not bags of potatoes

Why would they understand that when their father hasn’t seen them for the last 6 years never mind cared for them?

This. Dad has demonstrated that DC can be ditched. Why would they assume it only applies to them, and not younger sibs.

snowmichael · 18/01/2025 11:56

> Partners kids are jealous of our kids
But that's not what you said
It's his ex claiming they are jealous
How do you know it's true?

MissDoubleU · 18/01/2025 11:58

Notimeforaname · 18/01/2025 11:11

She stopped them from seeing him for 6 years

Disgraceful that he refuses to fight for his kids in court to ensure he sees them. Utterly unforgivable that he just didn't see them for 6 years. He must prefer it this way.

And his kids will know that. Now any time he does see them he’s rubbing in their face the new kids he HAS spent the last six years attentively doting on. Of course they’re going to be pissed off they can’t have one day of their father to themselves.

Snorlaxo · 18/01/2025 12:00

It is unreasonable that the older kids can not comprehend that their father needs to look after minor children sometimes.They need a reality check.Their young siblings are not bags of potatoes

Dad is organising contact with the ex. If the suggested day is their only free day then the father is looking after his younger kids every time it’s that day not sometimes.
It’s unclear what OP’s working hours are but there may be paid childcare options available so that dad can prioritise some time with the older kids for a change.

DorothyStorm · 18/01/2025 12:01

Mummy98736362 · 18/01/2025 07:23

Darling, read the post please. His kids met my kids when they were all younger. Come off my post. You’re just trying to slaughter me. I wonder what type of life you live? Sat on a website being horrible to people? What a lovely life you’ve got at ;)

Are your kids also his kids? I thought they were until this post?

does your partner not work too? What days is his ex wife wanting him to see his children? Is it to fit in with their schooling rather than her whims?

is he independently a good partner to you and a good father to his children with you? As in he will parent and partner off his own back, without instruction and insistence from you? Because from this thread he sounds a bit shit…

Deesmond · 18/01/2025 12:04

TaggieO · 18/01/2025 07:31

He’s swerved those responsibilities for 6 years. You and your children have had his undivided attention for 6 years. So you need to suck it up, and find alternative childcare.

This

StormingNorman · 18/01/2025 12:05

Globalwalker · 18/01/2025 08:52

At 16 and 12 years old do his DC not have any say on where/when they see him? How is their DM still controlling when/where they see their DF at their age? I would she thought the 16yo in particular would not be dictated to.

Besides that, he can’t have been that fussed on seeing them if he let access slide for 6 years. I guess if you split you’ll be on your own with your shared DC.

There is always a rush to condemn the ex but the timing of the visits with Dad could be due to the children’s schedules and their Mum is rightly prioritising their needs.

They need a full day to rebuild that bond so there’s only Saturday or Sunday available. It may be that they have clubs or other longstanding arrangements on one of the weekend days.

We don’t have any details on why that particular day was chosen.

bellocchild · 18/01/2025 12:06

Why can't he ask his older children if they would be happy to see him when he can manage? It isn't up to his exw to dictate the times and dates of the meetings, unless it's a form of power play.

Waterweight · 18/01/2025 12:07

Mummy98736362 · 18/01/2025 07:08

I agree that he needs to commit to seeing them alone but it also needs to work for me and my kids! I have worked full time for years. He knows that on the specific day she wants him to see the kids that I work and he’s watching our kids. So please before who ever said something about my work read again. People have responsibilities and commitments.

This. Is. Why. People. With. Children. Struggle. (To get into new relationships)

This would always have been an issue - working full time, having kids & being a step mum/dad
So ex has simply delayed the inevitable until her children are at an age where they can put themselves first & dictate the type of relationship they want/need which is best for them especially while building a new relationship with their dad who they haven't seen since he had other kids 6 years ago.

unmemorableusername · 18/01/2025 12:08

No it doesn't need to work for you& your DCs!

You had them knowing he was already a father. This should always have been his priority.

Waterweight · 18/01/2025 12:08

Waterweight · 18/01/2025 12:07

This. Is. Why. People. With. Children. Struggle. (To get into new relationships)

This would always have been an issue - working full time, having kids & being a step mum/dad
So ex has simply delayed the inevitable until her children are at an age where they can put themselves first & dictate the type of relationship they want/need which is best for them especially while building a new relationship with their dad who they haven't seen since he had other kids 6 years ago.

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Remember she had kids first, she had experience & advice you didn't until you had kids of your own

It's not wrong but it's the best for them

thescandalwascontained · 18/01/2025 12:09

The 16 year old can arrange to meet his dad when he likes. He's 16. No one can stop him, frankly.

CactusPeach · 18/01/2025 12:11

You're saying he can see them during the week when you're not working but they're 12 and 16, they're mainly at school during that time, the most it would be is a couple of hours in the evening which is not enough unless it was basically every evening.
He needs to be seeing them Saturday or Sunday every weekend. That's only 4 days a month.
If you work every weekend then I understand that it's inconvenient regarding the childcare with your kids but that's just what it is.