Christmas budgets - how do you split?

[Chelsieelsie]

Argument this morning so would love some perspective.

DH has DSS from previous. We have 2 DS together.

When asked how much be was sending me towards Christmas presents he said £300 for DSS and £150 for our 2 each.

I think this is completely out of order - surely he should be spending the same on each of his 3 children and then the mums (ie me and DSS mum can then spend whatever we want extra).

He doesn’t see it that way and thinks I am wrong and should pay for half of the ‘£300’ from our household. This means that DSS gets double contribution from DH and then presents from Mum too…

Happy to be told I’m wrong and this is the normal way to do it? But it feels unjust to me.

You're not being unreasonable at all OP.

I would use it as an opportunity to revisit finances. You shouldn't be paying for most of your joint children's expenses and struggling financially while he has lots left over each month.

If he won't agree to joint finances, I'd suggest you make a spreadsheet to keep track of all the spends then equalise it at the end of the month.

Don't be embarrassed to ask for a fair share of the expenses. He should be embarrassed for not paying for his kids & having loads left over while you're left without.

Sooooo much this.

Those poor, poor children. Buy another Nintendo, that's the problem. Even better if you take it directly from one of the resident children.

First wife bitterness and Disney dad guilt ohhhh what a combination.

I once dated a chap, with kids with his ex wife. They were excellent coparents. And they had lovely children who didn't need this bullshit "compensation" of double Christmas, double holidays, every extra that could be laden on them because their parents slept in different houses. I do have a friend who was (still is frankly) the bitter first wife. And her child is now an adult. They entered adulthood thinking people had to walk around their behaviour on eggshells and they deserved special treatment above others. The real world has been a shock for them indeed, to say the least.

I think the big take home here is that there isn't a one size fits all. We spend a lot more on my SS than my DD because SS is a teenager and DD is a preschooler. We spend vaguely what we spent on SS when he was the age she is now. The things he wants now cost a lot more money and if we gave them both the same budget then our DD would end up with a ridiculous amount of presents! We also pay for things as a team - just whoever has money in the bank pays for the present. Some years I've paid solely for SS's birthday parties and some years my husband foots the bill of all presents. There's no one fits app solution to these situations. You just need to be able to talk with your other half to work out the best solution for you

And why are so many people going on about “teenagers being more expensive”?! Surely you set a budget and if what they want is too much then they don’t get it, or have to put pocket money towards it and club together with grandparents etc?

If you really wanted to keep things equal and toys for a preschooler are cheaper then put the money left over from the budget in a savings account for them.

I think he is right - in his house there are 3 children for whom he is father.

He is suggesting a £300 budget for each child-so in his house he contrbutes the full £300 to his sole DC and he and his DP contribute £150 each to make up the £300 per child for the joints.

What the Ex does is not relevant

Why are these comments made, cms is a pittance, when the amounts can vary so widely.