Is this too much, too little or a normal amount of time to have the kids?

[NellyElly1]

As a childless step-mom in my set up, I'm starting to struggle a bit with how much we have my OH's children as it's feeling like we never get time to ourselves. His argument is that we'd have them full time if they were ours but the fact is they're not and I don't necessarily want children. I've sacrificed it because I love him. I worry about this for the future too, do other couples make things work if one isn't particularly maternal and accept that they won't feel the same way about their children that they do? I've always been independent, I have my own hobbies and like my own time as well.

The current rota at the moment is this and it cycles round each week:

From Friday at 4pm to Saturday at 5:30pm
From Friday at 4pm to Sunday at 10am
From Saturday at 4pm to Sunday at 5:30pm
From Friday at 4pm to Sunday at 3:30pm
Weekend off
And then it cycles back round again.

We also have them every Wednesday night.

I worked it out to be 10 Saturdays that we get solidly in a whole year (52 total) to ourselves from Friday night to Saturday night.

In total, out of 104 weekend days, we get 31 to ourselves.

As much as I like spending time with the children, I'm almost finding it too much and never feel like we get a break. I think it is impacting both of us too as he is constantly feeling like we are on the go as well and never get a breather.

Does this sound normal? Or is it too much or not enough?

Thank you.

About a year now that they've been living with us. He lived at his parents after the split.

You need to clearly voice this to him because if you don’t you will definitely become resentful and the relationship will reach the point of no return.

it shouldn’t be all or nothing with the children there should be a middle ground. Some weekends with the kids, some without. Some time as a unit of you all together, some just him and the kids.

You need to tell him (when DSC aren’t there) that you can still have your hobbies etc. Don’t completely ignore them but still have your own time

to be honest OP, I could never be a stepparent - it's just not for me. I love my own kids and their kids, but I know that I simply don't have it in me to love a partners kids the way they'd deserve or want to raise them - and I had 3 wonderful stepparents myself so I'm not criticising blended families. It's only going to infringe on your life more and more and then there's the teenage years to look forward to (eeeek!). Loving your DP doesn't mean you're 'cut out' to be in his kids lives lovely, just look at your feelings honestly...

I'm well aware it sounds like the biggest red flag ever as I took them all on whilst paying for everything.
He didn't have his own place between me and the split due to finances but he would have remained at his parents if I had said no so he didn't force it on me. I offered it. I was going to be paying the same either way.

So you moved him and his kids into your house after only dating him for six months?!? Have I misunderstood?!

That is the real problem here.
He is being totally unreasonable here.
You ARE still your own person, you DO still have your own choices.

Him...

But he thinks that my life should revolve around them now because he came as a package deal...

You need to stop being told what to do! Imagine if you had a weekend job, or elderly parents like another poster said.

Your horses should be your priority like his kids are his.

If yoilu had kids together you surely wouldn't both ditch all your hobbies etc!

And why are you letting him tell you that and going along with it?

Is he your Dad too?

This. You might feel you love him but to him you are a convenience "Stepmum in a box with added house"

I've tried. That's his views on it and I just give up trying to get him to see my side of things. He believes that I don't get that life I had before because I now have children in my life.

I love him so much. I want this to work but I'm feeling very stuck and restricted and I'm scared I'm going to become resentful.

you already are resentful. This is not going to work long term. The children are going nowhere. If you don’t like it, end it now

He's taking the absolute mick.

He seems to dictate rather a lot when really he's in no position of power... actually he probably realises that which is why he is trying to grind you down and tell you who and what you are 'now'.

Only together 18m? Leave.

Do you believe that? Because if you don't, you don't have to go along with it.

Sorry, we were dating/seeing each other/exclusive for a year first first. We became "official" and he moved in shortly after. Then about 3-4 months later, the kids were introduced and then a couple of months after that, they moved in as well.

But that's not the case for him. He feels that the children should now be both of our priority as that's what you do when you have kids in your life apparently.

Why on earth is the rota so complicated???

Just do every other week, surely?!

The kids aren't your priority op, they're HIS priority

Why does he not have them 50%? Have you met their mum?

Are you married to this cocklodger?

Not at all. I think it's wrong. I tell him repeatedly that they are his children and I'm not going to prioritise them over my own thing because they are not mine and he has to understand this. He just disagrees.