To think OH shouldn’t be paying towards SD & BM’s holiday?

[user1488481370]

BM is taking SD (14) on holiday abroad for the first time in the summer holidays.

It’s an all inclusive and according to BM is going to cost 3.5k for 2 of them all in.

I don’t begrudge either of them a holiday however, today, during pick up/drop off BM mentioned said holiday and said she’d just paid it off last week. She then proceeded to ask OH to pay his £500 towards said holiday!! PLUS spending money (which we were going to give her anyway)

AIBU or is this cheeky AF? I absolutely do not begrudge them a holiday but we never have and never would expect BM to contribute to a holiday that we were taking SD on. In fact, when we last went away with SD, 4 years ago, she didn’t even send her with a tenner!

Sounds like she’s asked him a while ago and he’s agreed (he agrees to everything to keep the peace) but we’re in a really tight position financially right now. We’re buying the food shop on credit cards, into our overdraft, need a new roof on the house as water is leaking into our DD’s bedroom and desperately need a new bathroom too as the floor has rotted away.

Im so upset as I know that if I say anything then I’ll be the big bad SM but I can’t see how this is really OH’s responsibility. She gets £350 maintenance every month plus half of all clubs/school trips and uniforms etc.

I just can’t see how this is fair.

Maybe bother to RTFT before slagging off the OP.

To those saying it would be weird to ask mum for a contribution to a family holiday, I don’t see why not?

It’s for the child, even if I couldn’t witness my child’s enjoyment I’d still be happy to contribute to them having experiences.

It’s a request, not a demand.

Whether it can be afforded is a different matter - the dad here is more than irresponsible.

It's also used a lot in the blended family community.

I haven’t read all of these comments but OP ignore all of these people trying to tell you you’re in the wrong, there is a total stepmother hating community on here who believe first wives/children are more important. If my husband said he was giving his ex £500 towards an all inclusive holiday I’d laugh in his face. If it was a £1000 school trip for the child and he was contributing half that’s totally different (if we could afford it) but on what planet should he be funding his ex to go off and enjoy herself while you struggle? Nonsense! If she couldn’t afford that holiday for her and the child she should have booked a cheaper one, or not booked it at all like you are doing. Yes he is responsible for his child but NOT his ex!

You've avoided answering, but I assume from your responses it is OK for the father to ask for the same when him and OP eventually take DSD on holiday?

In my opinion, a holiday is a choice and not a necessity. Therefore if either parent chooses a luxury for themselves and their child, they should be solely footing that bill. She could have chosen something much cheaper, or asked OP and DH to look after DSD while she went with her friends. The holiday is with mums friends, no mention of DSD having friends there. So in my eyes, the holiday is more for mum's benefit than DSDs. Even more CB behaviour!

We don't know how much else she has asked for/ already had. OP only knows about this £500 as DM asked for it in front of her. DH could have forked out even more than that already.

@CandiedPrincess oh. Actual mother, then 🤣🤣

You know something, you dont come across as very pleasant.
Do as you do

Of course the father can ask his ex if she wants to contribute to THEIR child's holiday, if he ever takes his 14 year old. The ex can agree or not, that's not the issue though. The father made the choice to help out, again, that was his choice.

You are also making assumptions re the holiday, how do you know who exactly was going? You don't. Just like you don't know if the ex has asked for money before.

I'd be interested to see the ex's story to all of this. You've heard snippets of one side only.

You sound delightful,

She sounds sensible!

*his and his child's holiday.

The DF is a massive asshole for spending such a large sum of his struggling families income to fund a luxury holiday for his first child.

RTFT and you will see who is going on the holiday. I haven't made an assumption. It is DM, DSD and DMs friends.

I don't need to hear any other side to the story to know that DM and DF are both selfish CBs who only consider the child from the first family.

£350 is not a pittance

Remember the mother is supposed to contribute equal aswel. That's means £700 a month just on his daughter.

Then the mother has to pay for accommodation, bills etc and so does the dad so his daughter has a decent home with him and with her mum.

This! Why do people ‘forget’ that the mother should contribute too? And both parties have to provide accommodation etc

Unless you know all of the people involved personally, you ARE making assumptions.

OK, let's go with the narrative that works for you.

It's not a narrative, it's the truth.

@Northernlights1234 I’m presuming you’ve had a bitter divorce of some sort and a bad ex husband?

If these are the sorts of things that are considered normal requests, I cannot wait to send my husbands ex a bill next time we take my DSS on holiday as it will make it a hell of a lot cheaper for me - I might even be able to upgrade to all inclusive!

… see how ridiculous that sounds?

Another poster jumping to conclusions!
I'm not going to waste my time on this thread anymore, as some of you just don't get it do you. I'll leave you to wallow in your obvious bitterness towards the dreaded ex's.

*dreaded ex wives/girlfriends. I mean, how very DARE they ask for contributions from their child's other parent. I'm off, get on with it.

We have never been on holiday without SD. You implied that we had. I don’t see how this makes me unpleasant 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t give the ex £500 regardless if he already said he would.

You are debating using a bloody food bank and yet handing over £500, no chance. Ridiculous. You can’t afford to feed your own kids!

Tell her circumstances have changed and he can’t afford it and give the kid £50 for spends. End off.

Let her moan. Who cares.

£350 cms is also plenty! More then what all the single mums I know get.

Totally agree

I agree with above OP. From what you've said, it sounds like you're following your dh's tendency to agree to your dsd's mum's requests to keep the peace.

If it helps, look at things from the pov of your own children. It's not fair that your children won't get a holiday and that dsd will, but these things happen in blended families.

But it's really, really unfair that DH is giving just one of his children £500 for a holiday while his other children go without.

He needs to have a frank discussion with his ex. Your business had a hard hit and you're skint. You're doing your food shop on credit and are looking at using food banks. He made a mistake agreeing to pay some of the costs. When things pick up financially for your family, he'll be able to do this type of thing, but not now.

@user1488481370- what arrangements are being made for your stepdaughter's further education/university? To my mind that's way more important than a £500 contribution to a holiday.

@PaminaMozart plenty of together families don't have a savings pot for university, they simply can't afford it. Why should separated families be any different?

@PaminaMozart we do have savings accounts for each child, haven’t been able to squirrel anything away for them recently but when able, we put what we can afford in and we do it each month. I will also add that my mum has set up savings accounts for all of our children, including SD. They will be catered for to an extent. I will say this though, when I went to university, there was no ‘fund’ for me. I had worked weekends and evenings whilst studying so that I could have a little bit of money behind me when I started uni. I couldn’t drive so I used to walk 4 miles to work and I would walk back too. I think this expectation that parents should be able to afford the entirety of their children’s further education is just unachievable for most parents. Student finance is there for a reason and 99.9% of the population don’t have trust funds that they can dip into.

@Trumpetoftheswan2 although I agree with what you’re saying, I don’t feel like it’s something he can go back on now 😢

@user1488481370 he absolutely can go back on it. I wouldn’t speak to him until he does. He’s a bloody wet wipe bowing to his ex’s whims and fancies while you struggle. No way in hell I’d put up with this shit