To think OH shouldn’t be paying towards SD & BM’s holiday?

[user1488481370]

BM is taking SD (14) on holiday abroad for the first time in the summer holidays.

It’s an all inclusive and according to BM is going to cost 3.5k for 2 of them all in.

I don’t begrudge either of them a holiday however, today, during pick up/drop off BM mentioned said holiday and said she’d just paid it off last week. She then proceeded to ask OH to pay his £500 towards said holiday!! PLUS spending money (which we were going to give her anyway)

AIBU or is this cheeky AF? I absolutely do not begrudge them a holiday but we never have and never would expect BM to contribute to a holiday that we were taking SD on. In fact, when we last went away with SD, 4 years ago, she didn’t even send her with a tenner!

Sounds like she’s asked him a while ago and he’s agreed (he agrees to everything to keep the peace) but we’re in a really tight position financially right now. We’re buying the food shop on credit cards, into our overdraft, need a new roof on the house as water is leaking into our DD’s bedroom and desperately need a new bathroom too as the floor has rotted away.

Im so upset as I know that if I say anything then I’ll be the big bad SM but I can’t see how this is really OH’s responsibility. She gets £350 maintenance every month plus half of all clubs/school trips and uniforms etc.

I just can’t see how this is fair.

I think I’m there. I’m at that point. I’ve had a run in with his brother this week and I can no longer stand living like a nervous wreck and having to sacrifice so much for nothing. The village that doesn’t show, the hard work that isn’t reaping rewards, the dishonesty and downright disrespect. I’m done.

So sorry OP. How come you had a run-with his brother?

We don’t get on. There’s been a big legal battle since MIL died 7 years ago and they’ve made our lives a misery at times. That’s a whole other thread on its own and I have posted about it before (perhaps under a different name).
Incredibly nasty piece of work.

Sorry to hear it has come to this, @user1488481370 . Do you have a plan?

Your SD is 14 so she will only need ten more years of funding.

Your husband should have discussed the extra expenditure with you, yes, but now he needs to keep his word.

It's clear that DP needs to find a way to make more money. Can he do some over time or take in ironing? Can he work nights serving at a bar or as security or driving taxis?

Do you have a spare room to take in a student lodger?

She gets £350 maintenance every month plus half of all clubs/school trips and uniforms etc

I'd say it's clear the mother needs to start funding her own luxuries. He needs to start spreading his funds more equitably between all of his children.

Student lodgers in a home with water running down the walls? Probably not a goer..

Lots of great suggestions for additional income if the idea is to make it so that this man doesn't see his young kids. Anything other than the ex putting her hands in her pocket.

And why is it better to break his word to OP (and by extension his own younger children who he is not currently providing very well for at all) than break his word to his ex? Make it make sense?

Your SD is 14 so she will only need ten more years of funding.

Thats one hell of an arrangement if maintenance is still paid at age 24? She could be married with a young family by then?!

I genuinely can’t tell if this post is serious or not?

Probably the ex wife / mother 😂

It's clear that DP needs to find a way to make more money.

If he didn’t fund his ex’s holidays, he’d have more money!

Even before your update, it was clear you have a DP problem.

He has lied to you and seems happy to take money from what I am assuming are your joint DC in order to be The Big Man to his ex.

I would dump him tbh.

As for holidays, it's important to note that they should be treated separately from maintenance payments. It's best for both parties to keep these matters private. Basically, each household pays for its own holidays.

I can't believe he's stolen from your children again after the last time you wrote on here about. This is exactly why so many of us advised you to put your foot down about the contribution and let him lose face if necessary.

At this point I don't think you have any alternative but to go scorched earth. He plainly can't be trusted with the joint account any more than a gambler or drinker could. Either you take full control and dole out pocket money to him, or at the very least you separate accounts. Or you LTB. How are you set up regarding housing, finances, rhe whole shebang?

Wow, terrible extrapolation. He has a daughter, but he also has kids with someone else. The money he earns isn’t his alone, they earn it together, therefore he should discuss extra payments with her.

The first child isn’t more entitled because they were born first; all the children have needs, and all the children matter. It’s not wrong of OP to remind her husband of that - why pay for one child’s holiday when your other one still has a leaky bedroom and you’re buying groceries on credit. Very small minded/one sided people here.

Student finance is now means tested on parents income so that’s why a lot of parents support their children, as the government expect it, unlike when you went