Dh being made redundant

[supertatos]

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

Yes.

Again just because you believed he didn’t need to pay for extras on top of his CMS doesn’t mean he didn’t.

Plenty of parents pay their CMS and more on top for extras such as uniform, clothing etc. Its not an alien concept.

She can be as pissed off as she wants but at the end of the day it’s tough shit and she has no right to the OP money or to continually have a bitch about it. She has no right to comment on the fact they had a new kitchen. He’s going through a tough time, he’s been made redundant, it happens.

The same thing happened with my DH. I debated offering to help but then I realised:

a) I was covering DSC costs at our home, including a bigger mortgage for a house we can all fit in.

b) what would happen if they were still together or if DH was still single.

c) CMS calculation works to protect both parents, including those suddenly not earning.

d) couldn’t really afford it.

DH offered a token amount from his own savings, ex refused as it wasn’t enough.

Instead, I just paid for a few bits that we wouldn’t normally such as school shoes, etc.

Ex and I were in the same situation, apart from our household has lost it’s main income of thousands and hers had lost of supplement of hundreds.

Where the fuck do you expect them to live in the meantime? What a ridiculous suggestion.

@supertatos yes your money is nothing to do with her but your DH needs to find another way of supporting his DC . Eg savings or do whatever he would have done had he still been married to their mother. His responsibilities don't stop just because he has been made redundant

Well there's no magic money tree to shake so everyone has to tighten their belts now. I got an evening job when we were struggling. Husband came home I went out. It got us over a hump

My ex has 100k in the bank and still doesn't have to pay maintenance because it's classed as capital not income. So I think your money is fine.

People are saying that if they were still together they'd have to manage without that money anyway, which is true, but if they were still together he'd be able to do more school runs and childcare etc which he can't do here. So, I think morally you should pay something. If he gets a payout perhaps some of that to tie them over until he gets another job, or perhaps pay 1/3 or even half of what he was paying, consider what would be a sensible amount so at least she is getting something even if it's only a small amount.

The bio mother is working and if she earns under a certain amount gets benefits? So should be able to get by.
So many mothers manage with no maintenance permanently.

There is no residential parent, they do 50/50

There's no need for anything after the "but".

Again so many of you think my DH is just going to shrug his shoulders and say oh well no job then. He wants to earn. He's trying to get a job. He's given her as much notice as he can of the worst case scenario.

You all think so little of him its horrible

No they don't! Why are people assuming shit. Might as well not have bothered taking the time to write half my posts

I'd hope he'd find something before it came to downsizing but sure if we need to downsize we can downsize and his kids can sleep in one room together or a sofa bed.

It’s the standard response here I’m afraid OP. Dad and stepmum are always inferior to mum and the default position is that dads are useless and maintenance avoiding scum. Lots of bitter ex wives on here I suspect…

@supertatos I'm really sorry, my mistake.

People are so bloody ridiculous aren’t they.

Suggestions to actually sale the house and downsize which takes months upon months and costs money to do 😂

He will more then likely have another job by the time it was even sold. 😂

Generally no I don’t think you should give any money.

I also think the amount it costs for a chile depends on the age of the child. It sounded like they are teens so should understand there is less money around right now. There is no mort with their mum so no risk of no roof over their head. If there is just enough money at hers for basics then that’s enough for now. Not ideal. I personally wouldn’t want to see them not have enough money to buy food but people manage on low wages and it sounds like they would still be fed. It is not easy. It’s not planned. But it sounds like he will also pay as soon as he can and help make sure things they NEED are covered. That is what he should do. He has paid well till now so mum should trust him to do what he can for his kids. Trying to make it so their house gets exactly what they had when he was working is madness and punitive to your home, you would be hit twice which is not fair. You all take a share of the pain and support him finding a new role while ensure everyone has their needs (not wants) covered.

I'd hope he'd find something before it came to downsizing but sure if we need to downsize we can downsize and his kids can sleep in one room together or a sofa bed.

Well clearly you'd need to sleep in the garden so the kids can all have a room each - come on OP, don't be selfish 🙄

Legally that money can t be touched as its your inheritance. Don't worry about it.

Thank you

This thread 😆

No OP, you do not have to pay the CMS. It's based on his income.

Anyone who relies on CMS payments is absolutely bonkers to do so, knowing that they could stop at any moment, not just for redundancy, but what about death? Would the ex-wife expect you to continue paying if he died?

When I got divorced my mortgage provider wouldn't even take into consideration my CMS payments when it came to checking for affordability, and I learnt to see it as 'bonus' money, not money I depending on for living or providing for my children.

OP, I am sorry your DH is going through this. I have been made redundant and it's really hard, mentally too. People who think it is that easy to just go and find a new job are delusional, it's really tough out there at the moment.

Sorry I shouldn't have been so rude in my response to you

"I know he's dead but he has responsibilities"

Mumsnet is a crazy place. As a step-mum you have to be reminded constantly that you're not their mum, don't overstep your boundaries but you're expected to cough up financially and provide for them.

Would the ex-wife expect you to continue paying if he died?
Most likely. And collective Mumsnet would tell the OP that she had no 'moral compass' if she refused.

Spot on. 😂

Shouts of ‘Of course you should be paying it from his life insurance, that’s what it is for’