Dh being made redundant

[supertatos]

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

If you can comprehend that the ex moved away then you can comprehend it’s her own fault she’s ended up doing 90% of the parenting. She made her bed in regards to that when she moved.

So do we think in his every other weekend he happens to purchase school uniforms, new shoes, clothes they have grown out of, pay for school excursions, presents for friends birthday appointments, medical and dental expenses….I doubt it highly. So she will end up, by default, paying over 75% of the costs by virtue of the fact they are with her most of the time those costs arise.

No, as PP says, are you hard of comprehension?

It's 25% of the year. That's not "fuck all" parenting.

And personally I find the weekdays far easier, and dramatically cheaper than weekends and holidays.

Neither of us have any idea why she moved. Would you say that regardless of the circumstances?

No, I’m not. I am increasingly amused by the pile on of people on this particular board who seem so eager to defend a father contributing very minimally to the upbringing of the children from his first marriage, though. I’m really glad for you that you find weekdays so much easier from a parenting point of view but so very much doubt that is a widely held perspective of parenting.

OP don’t give her fuck all.

She can’t get a penny of your money and so she shouldn’t be able to.

He’s been made redundant. It happens. She will have to suck it up.

You don’t have a clue what he contributes too…. You are just going along with your own narrative.

There is literally not one bit of evidence he hasnt bought school uniform, shoes, clothing.
Just because she made a choice to move away doesn’t mean he doesn’t pay for things.

Weekdays are much easier to handle. Kids have routine.
Weekends you have to entertain them.

Not sure why you doubt many parents have that view as all my friends prefer when their kids go back to school!

No, I believe that he didn’t need to pay for those things because he was paying maintenance. Which is why the maintenance aspect is important - that was what covered (or tried to cover) the imbalance. The literal whole point of this thread, is that he won’t be paying maintenance anymore. And my whole point is, that the mother of his children has every right to feel a bit pissed off about that, regardless of the circumstances.

Why is no one asking whether the OP will struggle and how long the OP can manage financially without her husband's financial input to her household?

OP has no obligation to fund her DH’s children.

Her DH has a responsibility to continue to contribute to their upkeep. As a PP says, the utilities don’t forgive a bill because someone can’t pay. CMS should not be optional. It shouldn’t be the first commitment to drop when things get tight. Why does DH not have any rainy day fund/savings for this eventuality?

The DM is doing the lion’s share of the childcare by far. Very unfair if the OP’s DH does not do all he can to continue to support that.

Because money grab. I don't know.

Yes but those blended families that do work don't bother posting on Mumsnet and there are plenty of those...

What would he do if he wasn't in a new relationship? The question is will the SC be struggling without this maintenance - will they have no warmth, no food, no shelter, no clothes, school activities etc? Or will they just miss out on extra stuff for a while. If they were still together and he was made redundant, the whole family would have to reign in the spending.

It's not a black and white situation. If the ex is struggling which will affect the SC then perhaps the op can help out temporarily but she may be reluctant if the ex say for example continues to get her nails and hair done (if she's that way inclined). I don't know - don't have the full facts of the situation. Maybe she does have the bare minimum? Apologies as I haven't read the full thread..

What is his current household going to live on? Is the Ex's current partner going to contribute?

He isn't going to have an income other than benefits. Will they even give him benefits I don't know? Presumably not as I've got savings.
He could qualify for Jobseeker’s Allowance - that is not means tested and available to many people even if they have savings or redundancy payments. It’s not a huge amount but could help to tide him
over for a while. I think you get it for about 6 months and hopefully he’ll have found work by then.

I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone with this thread. OP there is no reason why you would pay your dhs maintenance. Without his work you will already be supporting him for a short while in your own household. I didn’t read whether you had your own children, but your inheritance is for your family or your future. You could always offer to have the children more whilst he is off - maybe that will save some money.

Does that still exist? I think it's all UC?

Yes he could. Don't worry he has that on his radar

There are other ways she could be supported perhaps childcare while he's out of work or having them over more often. Absolutely not your financial responsibility in my opinion. This is between you husband and his ex. They need to communicate and ensure the child's needs are met.

None of us know why she moved (though I suspect this will provoke a giant drip feed painting the ex wife in a negative light)

It's not a "drip feed" to provide information that answers people's assumptions and questions. It isn't relevant to the question. There is a reason she moved so far away and that is not relevant here at all. You'll just have to do without that information. I don't want to paint her in a negative light - she's a nice enough person really we don't have anything to do with each other so I don't know her.

It's not even really her "fault" it's what she wanted. DH had to fight hard to get the half the holidays.

In case this is at all relevant (it's not to my OP really)
He currently pays half of school uniform and school trips, after school clubs, phone contracts outside of maintenance

I will thank you. I have a buffer in the form of the remains of my inheritance but it won't last forever

Oh thank you! I thought it was means tested

This.