Thank you SO much for posting this. I was starting to feel so alone and depressed thinking I was the worst woman in the world for feeling the same.
Partner has 4 kids. All generally okay behaved but the eldest is extremely spoiled and greedy, a product of being favoured by his dad for his whole life, more so than the others and noticeably so.
The favouritism is at the point where the youngest 3 kids, we have for half a day a week. The eldest one we have all weekend. It just seems really unfair. The eldest gets bought any toy, gadget, trip he wants (Disneyland, Legoland, VR headset, mountain bike, £30 cash pocket money a month, brand new iPhone) and the younger kids are just not treated the same. For context, eldest is 8 and youngest of the bunch is 3.
The favouritism winds me up for obvious reasons, namely being that the other kids are getting older and will start to see how he is favoured.
The main thing though, is the spoiled brat behaviour. His dad can’t say no to him and my god, doesn’t he know it. When he comes to visit he basically rules the roost. Eats whatever he wants, goes into the cupboard and helps himself to my food, stays up until whatever time he wants (no bed time), tells my OH that he wants to go buy toys at the shop, to the cinema, bowling etc and if my OH doesn’t comply turns on the waterworks, guilts him and says shit like “remember when you used to live with my mummy”. He cried once because I said no to giving him £25 and then his dad gave it to him anyway. We are completely ruled by him.
of course I’ve discussed this with my partner, who acknowledges the favouritism and bratty behaviour but says it’s because they have a stronger bond, he was the only planned child and being the eldest of course he needs more time, presents and money. I don’t agree unfortunately.
if I even mention it now, it turns into days and days of arguments. Last time he told me if I don’t like it to leave. The more I put up a fight for better parenting the more he spoils his kid as he feels bad for him that “I don’t like him”.
I dread every Friday when I know he’s due to come over. I make plans for the entire weekend so I don’t have to spend time with them both. If my plans fall through or I can’t make any I feel a sense of dread and panic. The household is on eggshells all weekend, there’s tension and it’s awkward.
instead of addressing the problem my partner has started buying me little presents each Friday before the child arrives. To try and soften me up so I’ll say, “awww, you’ve bought me a gift! Don’t worry about your parenting and spoiled child, all is forgiven!” But that of course never happens. I won’t sit in my own home feeling uncomfortable being forced to watch Roblox on the tv because we aren’t allowed to watch tv when he’s over as he has full use of it. Or being made to share my personal treats I’ve bought myself and hidden in the cupboard because he’s found them. Or not freaking out because my partner allowed him to use a sentimental engraved glass I was bought by a late family member, even though I said it could easily smash and I can’t replace it.
of course it’s not the child’s fault and I don’t blame him. It’s the parenting style of being constantly spoilt and having no boundaries. The kid totally calls the shots, eats continuously without being told no, stays up late, often asks for money or gifts, gets up at 7am and starts running around the bedroom waking me up on my only days off work, moaning/nagging that he’s bored and wants to go to the cinema AGAIN (we go every single week. Sometimes watching the same film twice as nothing is out. He insists he will only watch films in 4DX and we aren’t allowed to book 2D).
its all too much! I feel SO resentful of being controlled by an 8 year old, who by the way, in the last year has convinced his dad into buying him:
trip to Disneyland
2 trips to Legoland
2 week trip to Italy
VR headset (£600)
mountain bike (£400)
PS5
iPhone 14 Pro Max
iPad
Nintendo switch
£30 per month pocket money (he doesn’t even go anywhere to spend it??? His dad buys him everything. He has more savings than I do due to not needing to spend his pocket money)
new toy every week
V bucks every week
that's just a brief summary of the extent of it. Seriously. It’s TOO MUCH! I feel so sorry for the other kids who don’t get a look in. They get hardly any quality time with their dad and he justifies it by saying they’re too young to stay overnight and that the eldest needs special 121 time with his dad regularly. The reality is, it’s his favourite kid because it was the only kid he wanted and planned for.
I know people will say leave. Trust me; easier than it sounds! Financially I’m tied up in living with him. I also work with him so could kiss goodbye to my job. It’s so hard. I feel frustrated to say the least!