Need help… what to do?…

[Mumto2girlz]

(a bit of background) my bio daughter lives with me and her step dad (she calls him dad as she’s known him since 3 months old and is now 2yrs old and we have a 2 month old together) his other daughter 5 comes at weekends, usually a very kind girl, a pleasure to have and be around. But this morning and yesterday was being a completely different kid when dad wasn’t in the room so I set up my phone to record what was going on when they were playing in there room together (in fear of not being believed) showed the recording to dad and could hear daughter 5 saying to daughter 2, “want me to push you AGAIN?” “You better not tell” and telling her to bite herself on her arm, (daughter 2 is struggling with emotions and when frustrated will bite her arm or hands) daughter 5 has heard us mention this. Dad dealt with daughter 5 and she cried and said she was sad she had been caught and didn’t think she would’ve been. Texted daughter 5s mum and she denied her daughter would do this, so sent the recording, she was more concerned why there was a recording. Anyway. Daughree 5 was sent to nanas house to be collected by mum and is saying she dosent know why she’s done this but has told dad she is jealous of daughter 2 and daughter 2 months, Daughter 2 is scared to play in her room now and is telling us things. Mum is now saying she dosent want her daughter around mine, so not sure how visitation will work now. We have a newborn, we can’t supervise 24/7 and are worried these incidents will escalate as nobody else is dealing with it. I have suggested she dosent come back until she has been to councilling and dealt with whatever her issue is, because listening to the recording it was just nastiness, pure nastiness even the tone. On here looking for suggestions or any advice tia x

I think a lot of people have got the wrong end of the stick on this thread to be honest with you. She's asking for advice on how she can prevent these children butting heads, not on whether she was or wasn't supervising her kids. Yes she's not going to want a 5 year old hurting her 2 year old that's common sense and her mum should be correcting this behaviour. If she doesn't, it'll get worse and she'll do it in other environments like school when she doesn't get her own way/doesn't get along with another child and/or is jealous. Mum has 3 kids incluing SC, she's not wonder woman she has 1 set of eyes. She can't keep her eyes on every single thing happening within her home it's not humanely possible, at all. "She was on her iPad for 3 hours" oh dear the world's going to end? Maybe that's what the 5 year old wanted to do and maybe she wanted independence and space to be able to make sense of how she was feeling. It's not like OP locked her in a dark cupboard for days on end, get a grip.

Op 5 is a baby still. Yes you control whether she sits on an ipad for 3 hours. I wouldnt let my 10 year old have 3 hours on an ipad.

This is normal siblinf behaviour please take a look at how traumatic the huge changes in this girls life have been. She sees another little girl live with her dad!

I don't limit my kids screen time and they're fine. OP and dad respected her boundary. If she had said she forced her daughter off the iPad to come and discuss it you would all say she isn't listening to the child's boundaries and she's terrible for doing that so really she can't win.

She is 5 but at the age of 5 she has to be taught simple things like sharing, caring for others, that hurting others is not okay especially when they're younger than her. It seems that because she's step mum she isn't allowed to have concerns and want to eliminate this behaviour but yet if she was the child's biological mum it would be fine.

@sae3005010 we will have to agree to disagree on a 5 year old having boundaries on ipad time! I am sure the vast majority of parents do not have unlimited ipad time for children this young (I hope no children to be honest)

This is a child who was upset - and the parents 'let ' her do what she liked ie. ignored her didn't try to break the mood or get her outdoors.

she doesn't live with her dad this was his contact time - being left festering in a room on an ipad is just wrong - particularly when clear there were tensions between the kids. An easy opt out for parents not. good parenting.

I am fairly relaxed about. screens ! But 3 hours on an ipad for a child as a response to them behaving badly is the worst of all worlds!

This is a child on a visit to dads house in difficult circumstances (2 new siblings one they are clearly struggling with - is absolutely not okay to just leave them alone for hours.

Of course childrne need boundaries!!! but they need to be PARENTED.

5 is little and they need guiding - ! And loving and looking after and they need a lot of other things this 5 year old is clearly not getting - in particular understanding they are only 5 and dealing with massive family break up and change.

It genuinely worries me we are in a debate now where it is acceptable for children to be given hours on ends on ipads - children need to move, to be active, to have fresh air and fun playful experiences with friends - that is what this 5 year old needs - her developmental needs are being ignored so I have little faith her emotional needs are being met here either.

OP has already stated that her dad had been up to speak to her one and one and gave her comfort. The 5 year old then still didn't want to come out her room so they respected HER boundary.

All children have time outside. Mine have nursery, dance, sometimes parties, they play out some days and some days when they are tired it is ok to let them decompress - so I do. You have no idea what they did the other 45 hours she was there and you also have no idea if the reason they haven't done anything adventurous is because of op being 2m pp. I was 2m pp and still had an open infected wound and couldn't do anything.

You're making assumptions based on very little information about this family.

So a 5 yr old child had a normal sibling interaction and got told off - and cried.

The rest of it is farcical

1. Why were you recording your DC and SDC in the first place
2. She does not ened counselling, she needs age appropriate parenting
3. The mother did not need to be told
4. She did not need to go to her grandmothers
5. She should not be banned from the house
6. Mum ahs told you what the issue is - as it is in her DFs house you and he need to address it

How to make a mountain out of a normal child behaviour that needs to be taught is unacceptable. Still struggle to see if you were feeding the baby, how you managed to record it so quickly when you can not keep an eye on them all the time. If you were off to Church - why di SDC spend 3 hrs on theipad?