Need help… what to do?…

[Mumto2girlz]

(a bit of background) my bio daughter lives with me and her step dad (she calls him dad as she’s known him since 3 months old and is now 2yrs old and we have a 2 month old together) his other daughter 5 comes at weekends, usually a very kind girl, a pleasure to have and be around. But this morning and yesterday was being a completely different kid when dad wasn’t in the room so I set up my phone to record what was going on when they were playing in there room together (in fear of not being believed) showed the recording to dad and could hear daughter 5 saying to daughter 2, “want me to push you AGAIN?” “You better not tell” and telling her to bite herself on her arm, (daughter 2 is struggling with emotions and when frustrated will bite her arm or hands) daughter 5 has heard us mention this. Dad dealt with daughter 5 and she cried and said she was sad she had been caught and didn’t think she would’ve been. Texted daughter 5s mum and she denied her daughter would do this, so sent the recording, she was more concerned why there was a recording. Anyway. Daughree 5 was sent to nanas house to be collected by mum and is saying she dosent know why she’s done this but has told dad she is jealous of daughter 2 and daughter 2 months, Daughter 2 is scared to play in her room now and is telling us things. Mum is now saying she dosent want her daughter around mine, so not sure how visitation will work now. We have a newborn, we can’t supervise 24/7 and are worried these incidents will escalate as nobody else is dealing with it. I have suggested she dosent come back until she has been to councilling and dealt with whatever her issue is, because listening to the recording it was just nastiness, pure nastiness even the tone. On here looking for suggestions or any advice tia x

Story changes so often i feel like im reading an interview with a politician.

Also why this is problem for mum to fix at her house when it’s changes at your house that has led to this situation ? If dad thinks that counseling is needed then he should find, pay for a therapist and work with them to help get over this blip.

She is sharing with 2 yr old and eventually younger sibling, we have a 2 bedroom and are saving up to move

I think u did right thing. 5 year old needs help. Wonder what people would say 5 years down line when shes actually seriously hurt her siblings...then it would be you should have stepped in earlier and got her counselling etc. Protect the innocent victims

Surely this is pretty normal sibling behaviour? I think you are massively over reacting. My brother used to do awful things to me when I was little (2 years between us). You shouldn’t really behaving a 2 year old unsupervised with a 5 year old. The 5 year old is probably feeling a bit pushed out seeing her dad in a new family and your 2 year old calling him daddy. I’m shocked you sent her to her nans to be collected just for acting like a 5 year old.

She’s only five years old and you’re expecting her to be able to rationalise like an adult.

Nobody is saying her behaviour was acceptable. They’re saying she needs to be parented effectively by the her father, rather than requiring professional counselling for pretty normal feelings of jealousy.

Bizarre that you seem to think a 5 year old is not also innocent.

This is how I am thinking aswell, we have taken all the steps and done one on one time explained everything and will continue to do so and support all the kids in this situation as it isn’t easy for them, but I just won’t have my daughter scared to go into her own room. Step daughter is here weekends, my daughter 5(she spends 2 nights with granny during the week) after dad had spoken to her he spent time one on one and she chose to sit in her room on an ipad and not come out or talk we went up regularly to check on her. Mum said to send her to grandparents house

Dad was going up in this time to check on her and having one to kne chats, she chose to sit in her room and didn’t want to come out

Starting to think this isn't real
no one would be so stupid to think/do all this THEN post a thread for advice THEN eschew all advice

I do. OP wants the child to get help to manage her feelings..she doesnt want her sent to prison

We didn’t not make the decision to send to grandparents

Your two year old gets sent to her grandparents two nights a week? Why?

so only the baby is at home full time?

2 yrs old enjoys spending time there, and gran likes to see her and have overnight. Yes baby is here

The mum sends the iPad, so SD is given it

The SD wanted to stay in the room on the iPad for 3 hours so was allowed to

The mum said send her to granny's so off to granny's she went

Honestly, who actually runs the show in your home, OP??

What is OP? New to this, I see ur point here. Different house different rules

You sound strangely detached from your partner on your choice of words "I would not be believed" rather than "Dave would not believe me" and it glosses over a real issue that your partner does not believe you. Either he doesn't trust you or he's choosing to disbelieve you because if he believes you he has to step up.
You have two children part time, plus a baby. You could juggle the timings so 5yo comes when 2yo is at grandparents' to reduce time you have both. Or he could parent his 5 yo.
You need to put in some structure. No ipads in bedrooms. When 5 yo goes to calm down, her dad needs to check on her after a while to repair that rift. She's 5, she doesn't know how yet. If he's at church on her contact time she should be going with him, or he shouldn't go. Not leaving you with 3 small kids.

Do you think yours and your partner’s parenting methods this weekend, or generally, are good enough? What do you think could have been done differently to prevent this from happening today?

This is part of the detachment and passivity. If mum told you to do something and you did, that's still a choice. Not that mum should involved at all, if dad's a capable adult he should manage the situation at his house.
Is Dad a bit wet? He needs to build a strong loving relationship with his daughter, not mediated through her mother.

The OP is not interested in the responses. The lack of self awareness or actual interest in the best outcomes for the children is what has convinced me this cannot be a real parent.

This is either a wind up (in which case well done OP, you got me) or a waste of everyone’s time.

I do feel for the kids though. They’ll be back here in 18 years on the Stately Homes thread ☹️.

The ipad issue is being delt with, he was going up regularly to check on her and talking one to one, the plan was to go together but this incident happened and we priotized sorting this out

Where is the sympathy for the 2 year old hurt by the 5 year old? I can understand why OP recorded this vile behaviour because the mother denied it at first.

Some posters here are so biased towards first families for reasons of their own and come over as very bitter and uncaring of all the children involved.

You did nothing wrong, OP. Ignore the cruel remarks from the bitter and twisted.

Why is no one concerned about a 2 year old biting herself. That stands out to me as far less normal than a young child being nasty to a sibling when unsupervised.

I hope this thread isn't real.

The 2 year old could also be considered a ‘first family’ ?