Partner’s active kids/tiny cottage what do I do

[Cottagecoredesigner]

Please advise…I am divorced 5 years and live in tiny very pretty cottage with 10 year old very clean and tidy son. I got together with a chap 18 months ago and in the last 6 months he’s been bringing his 2 kids over for weekends. We go to his place too. It’s great at his home, disaster at mine! He has a large 4 bed semi with kitchen island, big garden with football goal and trampoline, playroom. Me and my son have very small cute cottage with things like reading nook, tiny courtyard garden, rocking chair, minuscule kitchen with butler sink, nice bath with legs, hanging copper pans, all the cottagecore. My partner’s kids are much more active than mine. They’re basically not used to a teeny tiny house full of nick nacks and are breaking stuff every time they’re here. They put shoes and coats seemingly everywhere. They ask why is the garden so small. They bounce balls inside. It is driving me crazy. I’m not used to it. What do I do? I actually love my tiny cottage and anyways can’t afford to move. 😬

I don't understand why you prioritise home decoration over being able to invite your child's friends, it sounds really wrong to me. No wonder they cling on your BFs children if they are the only friends allowed at home.
(I see it as rather selfish, preferring things and tideness over living and learning to interact with others, my parents had different reason for limiting visits, and it didn't help my social skills in informal situations)

That said - I suppose you need to do the same with your BF's children, maybe slightly reduce number of meetings at your place and for those which happen, plan a mostly active day outside, because that's your way of meeting people.

Why would you even consider moving, unless you want to live together? Just go to his house when you have the kids together. You might find this suits him better anyway and he just comes to yours so you aren’t always the one having to stay away. Unless there’s a reason you need to be at yours then that’s what I would do.
I love the ‘free range’ kids lol. Mine are definitely free range 😂

Yes, those existing in them

I’ve seen 100’s of comments with people not in them who hate on them also 🤷‍♀️ Not all blended families are a horror story. Some ‘traditional’ families are a a horror too. My opinion is that MN is very negative towards step-parent/step children set up

I don’t have a blended family (thank goodness) but in a single parent

Often these “blended” family are “mangled” families and it’s the children I feel awful for.

or it’s very unhappy stepmums

You have a blended family @Allthorpe100 ?
Did it involve children on both sides?
or did one party not have children?

Just have your relationship.

Leave DCs out of it. I bet they hate it as much as you.

Certainly his children will.

@Allthorpe100 theres no ‘blended’ family in OPs case though. She’s talking about her new boyfriend and his kids.

It would be so depressing if you chose to leave your lovely home and move your kid to a crap area just to facilitate your boyfriend in the future :(

She’s not moving though is she? She takes her child to her partners home some weekends and his kids come to hers some weekends. The issue was his kids behaviour in her home as she has a lot of nick naks and its smaller. And yes she is blending her family with his as they are spending time together

Blending families isn’t “spending time together”

it is a touch more than that! 😂

Everyone has a therapist but no-one was taught table manners or took bedtimes seriously. I’m too working class for all this - I come from a family where no one was allowed in the good front room!
🤔

I have step- parents, step-siblings and half siblings ( all though I just refer to them as my siblings) Family members have stepchildren. My DP isn’t my son’s dad (and we live together and have a child of our own) We all all get on well together just fine, thanks for asking 😃

Well we can agree to disagree. But it looks like to me they are starting ti blend, pretty sensible way to do it in my opinion. I presume your experience may be bad, thats a shame for you.

Boundaries and rules. You need to start telling the dc what is acceptable and not acceptable in your house, such as bouncing balls. To use a cliche, , your house, your rules.

I imagine at first you were letting them get away with it to be welcoming, but it’s obviously not working and causing you stress, so time to act.

Pretty sure all 3 kids involved in this situation will start objecting to spending weekends in this way. Local friends will get more and more important and they’ll want to stay near their own homes. So the problem might disappear naturally before too long.

As I said in earlier post

No experience. Thankfully.

but I asked whether your blending of families involved children on both sides or just one

I didn’t realise by regularly seeing my Best friend with her children that we were “blending families”. I must update her! 😂

I’m surprised they don’t have any weekend activities

Ok so when you blended families there was one child involved. Your child. So you were blending with a single man?

You’re on another thread saying how your parents utterly favour your step siblings and you are left out constantly! 😐

ah so no experience, just judging then. God what must you think of me! Enjoy your evening 😘

Stalker. Thats my siblings not my stepsiblings. I have no issue with them, that issue was with my bloody mother! Still love her

half siblings

I don’t judge

but on the basis of 99% of mumsnet threads on step parenting and blending families… it’s a shit show 🤷‍♀️

Ill bow out!