Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

[blanketsmell]

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

You need to put locks on the outside of your DSC’s doors so their belongings are safe until your DC is old enough to know to stay out.

They shouldn’t have to have empty rooms to stop their half sibling breaking things.

No.

The toy wasn't out of reach. That was the problem. Little one knows the toy is there. Has admired toy before and been allowed to play with it at times when the DSC are there.

Anyway thank you all so much for your input. I will accept that I have been unreasonable and will talk to DH about putting a hook on the door.

As I said. Children's bedrooms are sacrosanct. Admission by invitation only. A high up hook and eye costs a couple of quid and takes ten minutes to fit. Problem solved.

What do you want a diagram of the layout of my house!

Yabu. When you have age gap children you allow elder ones a bolt on the outside of their door to keep their things safe from younger sibling.

This is not the fault of the sc.

Yes thank you. I will ask DH to get that sorted this weekend.

Teens don't need toys. There mother is using your house as a storage unit.

Oh come on, how far fetched can you get?
If my secondary school children left something a toddler could get and it got broke well then they should be more careful. Better still if it was stuff like marbles/magnets/small lego, it was the older kids getting it in the neck not the toddler. This is nothing to do with being a step child.

Also everyone saying about her closing the door, she explained when the child was younger it was suitable to just close the door, however since the toddler can now open doors she warned them to put the stuff somewhere safe. It’s not about open/closed doors anymore. Or step/bio children. It’s about toddlers and teenagers and who should know better.

What a perfect way to prove that your husband's DC shouldn't have belongings in their home with their dad.

I want you to have a consistent story. You're saying you had the door open so you could see what was going on, which means you knew what toddler was up to. And didnt bother to stop it, presumably because of "I told you so" towards your SK's. They have a right to their own rooms and have a right to expect them not to be trashed when they arent there all the time. They are children for god sake, they have as much right in that home as yours does, which includes the right to expect that their stuff isnt sacrificial no matter where its left. Would it hurt you to have a whip around and move their stuff out the way like you would your own items? They are part of your life OP, its not You vs. Them, have some compassion.

Because your child broke a toy that didn’t belong to them?

Wouldn’t you replace it if the situation had been that you and your child were visiting someone else’s house and a toy that was not yours had been broken?

Same situation here, it was in your SC’s room, not laying around the house.

You are responsible for your own toddler not walking into their siblings rooms and breaking their stuff. Regardless of needing the loo. If you know your toddler is likely to go and break stuff when unsupervised then put him in a playpen when you’re not with him. Your step childrens stuff should be safe in their own bedrooms.

Well done for making your toddler your older childrens problem. Teenagers shouldnt have to know better than to be careful of an unwatched child destroying their rooms. You're the parent, bloody parent.

Really step children or not all our children's bedrooms have gates on so when toddlers are out they can't get to anything. But as a parent there is also some responsibility to make sure our little ones don't break older ones stuff if possible also

We had the same issue. DH put a lock on outside to stop their younger sibling entering their room.

Honestly... mountain/molehill. You SHOULD apologise for the broken toy, out of common decency, but these things happen and your DSC will get over it.

Teenager should know how to take responsibility for their belongings. And my (no longer toddler) is not anyone’s ‘problem’ least of all my older children’s. However they love and care enough for their younger sibling to not be resentful about helping to keep him safe. You can’t watch a toddler ever second for goodness sake, the woman was on the toilet. That’s why you put things in place to reduce risks. It’s the toddlers home too. And I parent all my children, including teaching the older ones appropriate responsibility.

It sounds to me that their mum said ‘ we need a clear out’ and as a result they have brought all their crap ( I mean old toys) to yours.

there is no way I would be allowing my house to be filled with things they never play with, memory things into memory box in the garage safe and stored.

you were having a wee, shit happens. They needs to get over themselves a ( and all the stuff they don’t play with needs to go or be things for your little one to play with)

Doesn't matter if they shut the door then.

Had the same issue in our house, young sibling going into older teens room and messing with things they shouldn't (in our case make-up). The bedroom door was closed but the toddler could open the door easy enough, the make-up was out on the dressing table.

We didn't lay the blame with anyone in particular, not helpful, instead concentrated on preventing reoccurrence. I don't think anyone behaved particularly negligently, it was just one of those things that happens in families. I fitted a high hook and eye closure to the older kids doors, solved the problem.

I'd let your step child know that you understand they're upset and you feel sorry they've had something sentimental broken, that you'll pop a hook on their door to prevent it happening again. Hopefully that's the end of that matter.

It doesn’t matter whose fault it was, I don’t think everything needs blame, it’s a mixture of everyone in my opinion, but I’d say you need a stair gate on this bedroom so the toddler cannot get in and do it again. Either way the SC are children, apologise, and put a stair gate up (get DH to pay for it plus put it up) so it can’t happen again.

I knew toddler was there. Not that toy was being broken.

Not any more no. That's why we warned them little one could now open doors!

This is my take on it too.

It's happened, move on, find solutions not problems.

Get SC a cabinet or case with a lock on for their sentimental things, or put a bolt high up on outside of the doors so that toddler cannot get in going forward, and apologise to the child who's toy broke.

In situations where it's a genuine accident, no one is unreasonable, but you are unreasonable if you don't try and stop it happening again.