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Original poster

Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

487 replies

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:06

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

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Passepartoute · 13/10/2023 10:56

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:13

Why is that my responsibility?

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It's fairly straightforward, isn't it?

DSC have stuff in their room that will be tempting to your child.
They have no way of securing the door to the room.
You were in charge of your child.
Your child got into the room and broke the toy.

That makes it your responsibility. I know you were in the loo, but presumably you take steps to ensure that your child is safe when you're not with him? Otherwise he would be getting out of the outside doors, knocking things over, pulling at electric cords. So you take steps to ensure that he can't get into a room he isn't allowed in. If it hasn't got a lock on it, you put something in front of the door. Most sensibly, you nag their father to get that lock organised.

Passepartoute · 13/10/2023 10:58

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:30

THEY OPENED THE DOOR WHILE I WAS ON THE LOO

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How long were you in the loo that your child managed to get into the room, find the toy, start playing with it and break it?

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:10

Whinge · 13/10/2023 09:34

It doesn't matter if they played with it. They followed your advice about shutting the doors and that should be enough to keep their stuff safe. It was your lack of supervision that led to the item being broken. I bet you don't hide stuff in your room, so why should they?

One thing that is clear from your post is how much you dislike your step children. Sad

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I was saying they didnt play with it so there's no point replacing it. It won't bring back the sentimental toy they had. It will make it worse!

OP posts:
Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:10

Rockgod · 13/10/2023 09:24

Defo replace the toy.

No point

OP posts:
Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:11

Yes this!

OP posts:
Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:13

Sausage1989 · 13/10/2023 09:39

Apologise then. It is your responsibility to make sure your child doesn't destroy other people's things. I've had twins so I know how difficult it can be and accidents do happen but you can still Apologise and not make out like its your step kids faults, even though they weren't there!!

I'm not going to apologise for needing the toilet

OP posts:
ASGIRC · 13/10/2023 11:13

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:13

Why is that my responsibility?

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It is your responsibility to make sure your child does not destroy property in your own home. And if a door is closed, it is your responsibility to ensure your child doesnt open it, to then destroy things.

So yes, this is on you. Your SC shouldnt have to HIDE their belongings from their sibling.

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:13

Passepartoute · 13/10/2023 10:58

How long were you in the loo that your child managed to get into the room, find the toy, start playing with it and break it?

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About 3 minutes I reckon

OP posts:
Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:14

ASGIRC · 13/10/2023 11:13

It is your responsibility to make sure your child does not destroy property in your own home. And if a door is closed, it is your responsibility to ensure your child doesnt open it, to then destroy things.

So yes, this is on you. Your SC shouldnt have to HIDE their belongings from their sibling.

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I WAS ON THE TOILET

OP posts:
ElfDragon · 13/10/2023 11:14

How old is your child, OP?

tbh, yes, it does sound as though it was your responsibility - you were in charge of the young child when the toy was broken. You knew the child could open the door, you knew the child made a beeline for these toys, but you didn’t stop this happening. It is in no way your stepchildren’s fault, and it is probably not the younger child’s fault (probably not, depending on age and understanding).

how are you going to make it up to your step children, given you think replacing the toy is not the way to go?

YourNameGoesHere · 13/10/2023 11:14

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:13

I'm not going to apologise for needing the toilet

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So you haven't even appologised to the child whose sentimental toy has been destroyed by the toddler you were not watching?

Take the kid with you to the toilet next time it could be a knife they get hold of, or cleaning supplies or the door they open could be to the road.

Your lack of sympathy for your step child or concern for your toddlers safety is just staggering.

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:15

GingerIsBest · 13/10/2023 10:04

You're pretty mean and blasé about this. One of the first things that you should be teaching younger siblings is NOT to go into older siblings rooms. Or, for that matter, other people's rooms without permission. But you seem to think that it's only your problem to police the toddler in YOUR spaces and communal spaces.

Nice.

When you go to a friend's house do you consider it your friend's children's responsibility to make sure your toddler doesn't smash into their room and break things? I bet not.

I do. I have. Repeatedly. But they opened a door and grabbed the toy and broke it while I was on the bog

OP posts:
Screwballs · 13/10/2023 11:15

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:13

I'm not going to apologise for needing the toilet

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Ok so when you are on the loo for unspecified amounts of time, to hell with the toddler? They can roam freely destroying anything in their path or being a danger to themselves? Is that seriously what you are implying? Why wasnt your toddler somewhere secure and out of harms way?!

getsomehelp · 13/10/2023 11:16

"Your child broke an irreplaceable toy that had huge value to your DSC"...
I doubt very much that it had "huge value", if it was the case the child's mother would have it at her house...
That said, I think you need to apologize, & ask kid if you can repair or replace?

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:16

YourNameGoesHere · 13/10/2023 11:14

So you haven't even appologised to the child whose sentimental toy has been destroyed by the toddler you were not watching?

Take the kid with you to the toilet next time it could be a knife they get hold of, or cleaning supplies or the door they open could be to the road.

Your lack of sympathy for your step child or concern for your toddlers safety is just staggering.

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It won't. We have knives in a drawer with a child lock. The bathroom is very near the bedrooms. The cleaning supplies are locked away. I'm not an idiot.

OP posts:
Screwballs · 13/10/2023 11:17

I think OP was sincerely thinking she was going to be backed up but not one of her responses since has taken any accountability for her lack of concern for safety for her child and/or shits for her childs actions.

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:17

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 11:15

Ok so when you are on the loo for unspecified amounts of time, to hell with the toddler? They can roam freely destroying anything in their path or being a danger to themselves? Is that seriously what you are implying? Why wasnt your toddler somewhere secure and out of harms way?!

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They were! Does every one lock their kid in a room when they go to the loo?

OP posts:
ASGIRC · 13/10/2023 11:17

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:14

I WAS ON THE TOILET

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Absolutely irrelevant. If your child had wandered outside and been ran over by a car, or decided to break some glass in the kitchen and got hurt, would you be saying the same thing?

There should have been a system in place to prevent your child from opening the door. Period.

And 3 minutes does not seem long enough for a child to open a door, find a toy AND break it.

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:18

My child was safe. The toy was not.

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/10/2023 11:19

StorminanDcup · 13/10/2023 09:32

It’s just one of those things which happens when you have a young child / toddler in the house and older siblings - regardless of the step situation, happens with full siblings too.

It’s unfortunate but you can’t watch kids every second of the day and these things happen - I’ve had MANY nice things ruined by my kids! Everything from lipsticks to a carpet!

I do think older siblings have to know to put away particularly precious things out of arms reach of toddlers. I tell mine to hide their sweets, chocolates etc as there’s always a risk.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, it’s just the nature of kids. I would simply say to DH it could have happened on your watch just as easily and leave it at that.

That. You're getting an unfair pile on here. You warned the step children. So they needed to do was put these apparently previous things in a high shelf.

If it was a full sibling's toy you wouldn't be fielding the responses you're getting here.

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 11:19

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:17

They were! Does every one lock their kid in a room when they go to the loo?

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OP you are completely bullshitting here and you know it, a toddler hasnt gotten into the bedroom and destroyed an out of reach toy in 3 minutes.

And no, they may not lock them in a room, but they would certainly be making sure the child was safe or, better still, in the bathroom with them, I cant believe you think that is a serious question.

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:19

ASGIRC · 13/10/2023 11:17

Absolutely irrelevant. If your child had wandered outside and been ran over by a car, or decided to break some glass in the kitchen and got hurt, would you be saying the same thing?

There should have been a system in place to prevent your child from opening the door. Period.

And 3 minutes does not seem long enough for a child to open a door, find a toy AND break it.

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My child wouldn't have been able to to do that without me noticing due to the position of the toilet and me using it with the door open.

And it might not seem long enough but it was.

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/10/2023 11:20

It's like most people in this thread have never had a toddler

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 11:21

saraclara · 13/10/2023 11:19

That. You're getting an unfair pile on here. You warned the step children. So they needed to do was put these apparently previous things in a high shelf.

If it was a full sibling's toy you wouldn't be fielding the responses you're getting here.

Edited
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If it was her other childs toy, she wouldnt be acting so "not my problem, why should I do anything" about it. Im a SM, and this isnt an unfair pile on at all.

I doubt she was even on the loo truth be told, shes probably let toddler do it to teach step kids a lesson for daring to have their stuff in her house.

Screwballs · 13/10/2023 11:22

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 11:19

My child wouldn't have been able to to do that without me noticing due to the position of the toilet and me using it with the door open.

And it might not seem long enough but it was.

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So door was open but you couldnt see well enough to stop toddler wandering into SK's room? Come on OP. This is utter nonsense. You've allowed this in spite. That becomes more and more apparent the more you post.