Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

[blanketsmell]

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

if their room door was shut though surely that should be enough. If your child can open the door and go in then they can open drawers and wardrobes - in essence that would not solve the problem.

should the stuff have been brought over - how much was it

but also your child should respect its siblings room and boundaries - nothing to do with them being your step children that is a normal boundary.

Why - this is also their home. Why shouldn't they have things they value there?

I agree with this. YABU OP, the doors were shut and that should be enough. Kids shouldn't have to hide things in their own rooms to stop a younger sibling from destroying them.

Defo replace the toy.

How hard is it for you to close the door OP if you see it open? I don't understand the drama!

The toys were only sent because they weren't on the top 10 list
The kids were warned
Accidents happen
Kids will have to get used to sibling wanting their stuff
Lesson learned

Their toys aren't your responsibility. But your DC - who broke the toy - is your responsibility. You need to supervise them or teach them not to break other people's items or put a hook on the door that they can't reach and YOU need to ensure it's hooked shut when you're letting your DC wander about unsupervised. You also need to replace the item that was broken.
That's what happens in families. If a DC breaks something, they get into trouble and the item gets replaced from their pocket money (if they're old enough) or by the parent (if the DC is too small).

You are being massively unreasonable. You need to teach your child that he can’t go into his siblings’ rooms. Failing that it is your responsibility to ensure the doors have locks on them.

Why on earth would we replace the toy? That's not going to help is it! It had sentimental meaning. They didn't play with it. A replacement would be saying I didn't understand the meaning behind the toy. It was irreplaceable.

You need a lock or a gate on your step childrens door. It’s their room. They have a right to leave their stuff in their room without it being damaged

THEY OPENED THE DOOR WHILE I WAS ON THE LOO

Things can happen very quickly, and if you were on the loo you wasn’t there to grab it from him. This is why their most precious and treasured things should be put out of reach.

Their dad should start brainstorming good storage solution for his children’s toys. One that will ensure they’re put away out of reach. This weekend he can go and sort it out.

Would a safety gate also help? He can get one of those too.

It’s just one of those things which happens when you have a young child / toddler in the house and older siblings - regardless of the step situation, happens with full siblings too.

It’s unfortunate but you can’t watch kids every second of the day and these things happen - I’ve had MANY nice things ruined by my kids! Everything from lipsticks to a carpet!

I do think older siblings have to know to put away particularly precious things out of arms reach of toddlers. I tell mine to hide their sweets, chocolates etc as there’s always a risk.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, it’s just the nature of kids. I would simply say to DH it could have happened on your watch just as easily and leave it at that.

It doesn't matter if they played with it. They followed your advice about shutting the doors and that should be enough to keep their stuff safe. It was your lack of supervision that led to the item being broken. I bet you don't hide stuff in your room, so why should they?

One thing that is clear from your post is how much you dislike your step children.

Lol at everyone who has perfect toddlers that respect closed doors and have zero curiosity to challenge rules and inspect these exciting wondrous places such as big siblings bedrooms (which are filled with fantastical, tantalising toys they are not allowed to touch or play with).

At 6 my kids now understand don’t go into other peoples stuff (just about) but as pre schoolers they did WTF they wanted if I wasn’t looking.

The child stays out of their room. End of. Get the dad to put a lock on the door if you don’t see it as your responsibility to do so.

It was a n accident but yabu.
The toy was in their room, you and the toddler were the only ones home so its your responsibility to keep the toddler away from their room. Like its obviously an accident but its not the SCs fault at all.

If they had put all the toys up and away and the toddler walked in, knocked something and a heavy toy fell on him and he got hurt. That wouldn't be the SCs fault for owning toys in a bedroom, it would be on you for not keeping the toddler out of the room. So its on you and your partner to buy locks for doors in your own house or baby gates to prevent a toddler getting in places where he can't be trusted and kept safe.
Surely if a toddler, in the few minutes he has to be unsupervised, can open a door, then he could also open a wardrobe door and find toys he's not supposed to touch? Or find something to hurt himself with?

Your toddler= your responsibility to keep him in safe areas, either by supervision or locks and baby gates.

Apologise then. It is your responsibility to make sure your child doesn't destroy other people's things. I've had twins so I know how difficult it can be and accidents do happen but you can still Apologise and not make out like its your step kids faults, even though they weren't there!!

Agreed.

It's very clear you're not fond of these children and the fact you see this as their fault only add to make this clear.

The door was closed and they weren't even there at the time it's not their fault for merely having toys ffs.

Also you need to take the child to the toilet with you. If they can open bedroom doors and break a toy whilst you're on the toilet they can open the front door or the kitchen door and get hurt in the same amount of time.

Why the need for secondary pupils to keep all their childhood toys.? Why do they need to be at your house? Are you expected to clean their room?
Do the mates at school know they have a room full of kiddies toy?
I would be giving an ultimatum: toys go back to DMs house or charity shop
End of problem

Toddlers are tiny delinquents. They break things, it happens, no matter how careful you are.

If these were all full siblings in a nuclear family, I reckon half of the ‘YABU’ commenters would be saying ‘it happens, lesson learned’

I do agree that their shared father should know his child can open doors, is likely to want to play with these toys, and is just as responsible for not putting a lock on.

A SHARED responsibility because this is about your SHARED child not accidentally destroying other people's property.

If you visited me and your child wandered off and broke stuff, would it be my fault for having things that can be broken or yours for not stopping your child doing it?

Train the toddler not to go in rooms without permission. Put a baby gate on if you have to.

It's toys at the moment but it could be other things in the future. Alcohol (as in a drink but also hand sanitizer), contraceptive pill (obviously depending on age / sex of child), paracetamol, batteries, particularly those small button type, hair straighteners, nail varnish.

Teenage bedrooms can be lethal to toddlers.

Also this. I have 3 year olds. They can open their brothers door, get into good wardrobe, his cupboards, his Lego box. They will, given chance, climb up and get his toys from a higher shelf.

He has as lock on the outside. His responsibility to lock it but if they miss damaged something whilst I was alone with them, I wouldn't tell older I've is served him right