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Original poster

Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

487 replies

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:06

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

OP posts:
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Babadook76 · 13/10/2023 09:09

Yabu. They shouldn’t have to hide their belongings that are in their own bedroom to stop your child destroying them. Put a lock or a safety gate up and replace the toy.

Flopsythebunny · 13/10/2023 09:11

The toys were in their bedroom. You should have stopped your child from going in there and breaking them. It sounds like you don't really care though?

Berthatydfil · 13/10/2023 09:12

Babadook76 · 13/10/2023 09:09

Yabu. They shouldn’t have to hide their belongings that are in their own bedroom to stop your child destroying them. Put a lock or a safety gate up and replace the toy.

Rubbish - they were told on numerous occasions. If they were that precious they should travel back and forth to mums.

VeridicalVagabond · 13/10/2023 09:12

I mean... They were at their mum's, how is it their responsibility to keep doors closed in a house they're not even in? Would it have killed you to shut their bedroom doors while they're not there?

Yes if they're in the house it's on them to make sure their doors are shut, but if they're not even there then no, you should've made sure your child didn't trash their things.

Did you let this happen on purpose to "teach them a lesson"?

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:12

I was on the loo at the time

OP posts:
AlexandriasWindmill · 13/10/2023 09:13

You expect them to monitor if their room door is shut and where everything is when they aren't even in the house?
How do you ensure your 'little one' doesn't break items in other rooms in the house eg your bedroom, living room, kitchen? Presumably you supervise the youngest to ensure their safety. That supervision should have extended to not breaking their siblings' items.

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:13

VeridicalVagabond · 13/10/2023 09:12

I mean... They were at their mum's, how is it their responsibility to keep doors closed in a house they're not even in? Would it have killed you to shut their bedroom doors while they're not there?

Yes if they're in the house it's on them to make sure their doors are shut, but if they're not even there then no, you should've made sure your child didn't trash their things.

Did you let this happen on purpose to "teach them a lesson"?

Edited

Child opened the door themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:13

Babadook76 · 13/10/2023 09:09

Yabu. They shouldn’t have to hide their belongings that are in their own bedroom to stop your child destroying them. Put a lock or a safety gate up and replace the toy.

Why is that my responsibility?

OP posts:
Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:14

Did you let this happen on purpose to "teach them a lesson"? no that would be a disgusting thing to do. I'm not a monster.

OP posts:
smilesup · 13/10/2023 09:14

Oh FFS do you want them to like their half sibling? Get a lock or hook on the door. It's no one's fault but can be prevented easily

Forgotmylogindetails · 13/10/2023 09:15

Tbf

this happens when it’s not step families. My son broke his sisters lap top.

how Old is your child ? Rather than blaming the step children for not hiding things why not tell your child not to break his siblings things ?

Original poster
blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:15

Forgotmylogindetails · 13/10/2023 09:15

Tbf

this happens when it’s not step families. My son broke his sisters lap top.

how Old is your child ? Rather than blaming the step children for not hiding things why not tell your child not to break his siblings things ?

I did.

OP posts:
CanvaQueen · 13/10/2023 09:15

You should accept responsibility and keep your child out (just like you’d keep your child away from electronics or make-up or anything unsafe).

However if the bedroom is a shrine packed full of old, unsuitable toddler toys that’d annoy me too. Sounds like their mum’s offloading tat into your house. I’d help them box it up for a jumble sale or the attic, then get them a lockable cabinet for anything they need in their room.

Beamur · 13/10/2023 09:16

This is a normal family issue. The older children should have put away anything precious as you're not going to be able to monitor your toddler all the time.

SD1978 · 13/10/2023 09:16

Pretty shitty. They have to keep their things in their room- which is fair, as the adult in the house you do have a responsibility to stop the youngest from destroying their stuff.

Readingundertheoaktree · 13/10/2023 09:18

Why didn't you just close the bedroom door so your child didn't damage their things? The step children weren't even in the house at the time. YABU.

NatMoz · 13/10/2023 09:18

Rather than saying OP should put a lock on the door etc, maybe the father of the step children should?

WeWereInParis · 13/10/2023 09:18

YABU. The fact that it's toys isn't really relevant, they shouldn't be allowed to go into their sibling's bedrooms and break stuff. I imagine you prevent them breaking/playing with your things?

Sundaefraise · 13/10/2023 09:19

You’re annoyed that they’ve brought loads of old toys to your house and see it as a natural consequence that something got broken. You’ve got too separate issues here. One, they need a clear out, two, you need to take some responsibility for your child breaking things.

CanvaQueen · 13/10/2023 09:20

Or they can take their toddler toys back to live and their mum’s house to be “safe.” Still think the lockable cabinet (with a key to remain in your house, perhaps on a high hook) is a good idea though.

Readingundertheoaktree · 13/10/2023 09:21

NatMoz · 13/10/2023 09:18

Rather than saying OP should put a lock on the door etc, maybe the father of the step children should?

Really? Do you think division of tasks for your own child/step children should come down to something as petty as the biological parent should have to close or put a lock on a door?

VeridicalVagabond · 13/10/2023 09:21

blanketsmell · 13/10/2023 09:13

Child opened the door themselves.

Show quote history

So how do you suggest they should have prevented that when they're not even in the house?

CwmYoy · 13/10/2023 09:21

Bundle their stuff up and take it back to their mum's.

Goneblank38 · 13/10/2023 09:22

Yabu - the older kids weren't home and have done nothing wrong here. There's no "lesson" for them to learn.

Put a lock or a hook on the door so their stuff is safe from an inquisitive toddler. And replace the toy surely? When you say that's not your job - why not? You and your husband are adults and the parents.

Theunamedcat · 13/10/2023 09:22

Can it not just be glued back together? I think this is the time to say anything precious should go back to mums where there are no errant toddler's roing about who can break them

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