Their toys are not my responsibility- aibu?

[blanketsmell]

Hello, there's been some "mild" drama and I'm looking to see what you, as fellow steparents think.

So I have two stepchildren who are both at secondary school and I have one child with my partner who is at nursery.

The stepchildren have, encouraged by their mother, bought lots of their old toys to stay here rather than charity shop them or bin if unplayable with. As a result their bedroom is now filled with lots of exciting toys aimed at a younger child.

I told them once little one started walking that they would have to shut their door if they don't want little one coming in. And then as little one grew and can now open doors dad gave them warning to make sure anything precious to them was out of sight.

Anyway.. quite predictably little one has got in while they were at their mums an has now broke a toy one of the dsc were particularly fond of. DH is now saying I should have stopped little one going in the room.

AIBU to say sorry but they were warned?

Ok so imagine you went to your friend's house. Her child's toys were shut in a bedroom, but whilst you were on the toilet your toddler went into said bedroom and broke a toy.

Are you genuinely suggesting you'd turn to your friend, shrug and say 'why is that my responsibility?'

No, didn't think you would.

YABU.

I don’t think anyone is saying they have perfect toddlers, but they are saying it is unfair to blame the older sibling for the damage to the toy. They left it in their room with the door shut so it’s not like they’ve left it in the middle of the living room floor. There seems to be a complete lack of empathy from the OP towards her stepchild but I wonder if that is defensiveness caused by the OP being blamed by her OH for not supervising their toddler.

@blanketsmell oh they do that too op.

You have committed several cardinal sins re mn. Your a step parent. You reproduced with a man with children. You posted for advice re a situation and had feelings on the matter. Oh you also treat your child as a right to live and breath. Oh and you suggested that mums shuffling off all the crap toys to your house was planned clearly it was and worst of all you don't seem twisted up and sobbing on the floor because the step children's toy got broken because they didn't keep it out of toddlers reach. Equals = wicked step mother

To be honest if your a step parent and have a kid with a dad with existing children it doesn't really matter what you post about because you will always get these comments. This happens so much so we have step parenting bingo and I think a few page in you nearly got all the common things said.

When these things are said so regularly regardless of what a op posts they lose their meaning after all.

Well done for acknowledging that you were being a bit unreasonable (I know you acknowledged this fairly early on) but I suspect this gets over looked when the people are gathering with their pitchforks.

A few people have criticised the kids/mum for bringing their old toys over.

I note that the 3 year old has actually played with some of the toys with the DSC (not sure if that included the broken toy)

Perhaps that was part of the reason the DSC brought them. Which would be lovely.

“Oh and you suggested that mums shuffling off all the crap toys to your house was planned clearly it was”

The kids are teenagers and can put their things in either of the bedrooms that belong to them

Well done for acknowledging that you were being a bit unreasonable (I know you acknowledged this fairly early on) but I suspect this gets over looked when the people are gathering with their pitchforks. thank you

YANBU. Going against the grain here but why did you even allow a bunch of old toys into your home? Send the precious toys home to mums house when they’re going back there, and get a toy trunk with a lock for the other items.

Because the teens have rights to put their stuff in either of their bedrooms. The room
at the dad’s is just as much theirs as the one at their mum’s

Yes YABU - older children’s toys are a choking hazard to younger kids so it is room responsibility to keep your kid safe - AKA not wandering around the house on their own while you are on the toilet. Be glad that they only broke it and didn’t injure themselves.

Put a lock high up on the older kids door. Install a stair gate. Failing that, put the young one on a playpen when you can’t be watching.

That’s completely irrelevant. As per OPs post, the toys are mostly outgrown and are not use/played with. I’m sure they have plenty of their own toys at their dads house.

Sounds like a natural consequence to me. Shit happens if we don't look after our stuff.

They came as package(with their dad) are you treating them like stepchildren not your children/family.
Their bedroom should be a place where they should be able to keep their belongings safely. The younger child should be taught boundaries and their bedroom is out of bounds. This is their home as well as yours.
Be the ‘step parent’ you would like your younger child to have.

It is their home as well, why should they have to put everything away.

I'm a stepmum to three and mum to two with their dad and don't think this is the case at all. Being a step parent is hardly very unusual, there are plenty of us on here, some of whom will disagree with the OP.

This is for your DH to sort, not you.

It is not completely irrelevant. We all have things we don’t use but want to keep - indeed, the op has said she can’t replace the broken toy because it has sentimental value, perhaps a music box given by a grandparent or whatever.

The teens can choose either of the rooms belonging to them to keep such things, or have some in each room.

Because the rooms are theirs!

First things first this isn't your problem, they aren't your children they are your husbands, get your husband to man up and tell the teenagers they need to remove their stuff from your house, I was living on my own at the age of your eldest step if they can't listen to a simple logical instruction you've got bigger problems than broken toys. I'm sure they don't need to be reminded to brush their teeth or go on social media so why would you constantly remind them about putting their toys up. They need to grow up.
I wouldn't be apologising or making the child apologies you f around and don't listen you find out. Natural consequences.
I've told my own children to put things away from each other if they don't want it messed with. It's not an alien concept.
I don't think you're a monster or an evil step parent but your husbands behaviour would make me NACHO. Then he can take full responsibility.

@Sillymummy295

“get your husband to man up and tell the teenagers they need to remove their stuff from your house”

it. is. their. house. too.

@Sillymummy295

“I was living on my own at the age of your eldest step” - at 15? Whilst you were doing GCSEs?

Sure, Jan.

You are wrong, you should prevent your child going in their rooms and breaking their things, its their dads home as well which makes it their home. You chose to get with someone who already had children and if you cant treat them as your own children they you should not have. You cant prioritise your child over them. And that is what you are doing

If your child cant be trusted while you go to the loo then take them with you, next time it might be something dangerous they do

Because you are the adult

Totally agree. She does not like them

Do you like your stepchildren? Genuine question.

Again, then wanting to keep toys because of sentimental value does not mean they get to choose where to keep them. If the toys were bought for their mums house, that’s where they stay. My daughter has toys at my house and toys at her dads house, there’s no need for her to bring them between houses and if she does want to, they come back with her after her visit.