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Step-parenting

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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 02/08/2023 13:20

Can he buy you out?

personally I’d be out of their like a shot! Sounds like hell

Theunamedcat · 02/08/2023 13:21

Oh please let her call social services 🙄 they can nip in and say did you have the nerve and audacity to tell this disrespectful druggie child that they are out of order? Ahh well shit happens

Anothernamethesamegame · 02/08/2023 13:24

Oh op your life is going to be so much better without these people in it.

Maybe call shelter for some
advice about the home. I wouldn’t leave until/unless you know it is the right thing for your future housing needs.

poppitypop1 · 02/08/2023 13:36

You jointly own the house. HE can move out. Don't let him push you out. If you move out he will have zero incentive to co-operate with a house sale. By staying out, it will hopefully motivate him if he wants to have his kids to stay with him.

poppitypop1 · 02/08/2023 13:37

If he says well I can't leave as I need somewhere for kids to stay, that isn't your problem anymore. Like I said if he stays he'll have happy to drag the sale out.

Emmamoo89 · 02/08/2023 13:44

So sorry you're going through this. You deserve so much more. X

tootallfortheshelf · 02/08/2023 13:50

This awful pair are exploiting you horrifically, they are using you as a weapon with which to do battle with each other.
The man is trying to mess with your head, my advice is move out as quickly as you can then get working on contacting solicitors and making sure he can't take you to the cleaners.
I would move as far away as possible don't give him your address and block him on all channels apart from one email which you reply to only every 48 hours (for example) and to keep as evidence in case you need to build a case against him or them

tootallfortheshelf · 02/08/2023 13:52

poppitypop1 · 02/08/2023 13:36

You jointly own the house. HE can move out. Don't let him push you out. If you move out he will have zero incentive to co-operate with a house sale. By staying out, it will hopefully motivate him if he wants to have his kids to stay with him.

This is true, and you are right but the problem then is how to stop this horrific man from destroying her mentally whilst she is in the same house as him?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/08/2023 13:52

They're doing you a favour, as awful as they are and as horrible as it seems.

webster1987 · 02/08/2023 14:18

Once your DP shows he doesn't support you in the role of stepmum, it's game over. What are you getting from this set up?

Walkingtheplank · 02/08/2023 14:29

You said you both own the house. He cant evict you from your own house.

If he wants his children to come to his home but doesnt want you near them, he needs to find a new home.

HalloumiLuvver · 02/08/2023 15:15

BlueSkyAndButterflies · 31/07/2023 12:46

He is emotionally abusive. People like him have a sixth sense for when you're considering breaking up with them and they pull out all the stops to prevent it. He's trying to make you think you can't survive without him so you don't break up with him. Please contact Women's Aid for help. There's a national helpline but there will also be a local branch you can phone or visit, you don't need an appointment.

Your head will never be clear while he's in it with his abuse. This is also part of the plan. To keep you focused on him, what he's doing, what he might do, what he's thinking, what he's saying. To prevent you thinking about other things, like breaking up.

All the time and energy you're spending analysing what he's saying or doing, checking camera footage, questioning yourself/your health - that's time you're not spending talking to Women's Aid, estate agents, police, solicitors and packing up your things.

Absolutely this. He is abusive and trying to make you utterly dependent on him. Honestly OP you will get better when you leave this horrible toxic environment.

Restinggoddess · 02/08/2023 17:22

I can imagine the amount of energy it takes to deal with this situation- it’s exhausting
I do hope you feel the support that you are getting here and that it helps

Get some legal advice re house etc
Get documents etc
I don’t have a doorbell camera - can you get a copy of the situation that happened? Just for future purpose.

We live in real time, it will pass and it will get better - you deserve so much better than this
I hope you have some friends / family around to give you strength

Wishing you all the very best

MissyPea · 02/08/2023 18:25

I wonder how often this awful situation happens but people put up with it because they are told THEY are wrong.
Well done for standing up for you !! (And no, it’s not just you this happens too)

Original poster
JH20000 · 03/08/2023 15:19

So social services are coming around tomorrow as the mum has been obviously busy reporting me. She’s apparently said I’m a danger to her kids and that I need to be removed from the house. DP has said if needs be I need to vacate the house and he fully sides with his ex wife.

This is all over me asking his child to have a hit of a respect and not waltz in 90 minutes after an agreed home time..

My mood is really low lately and I’m struggling massively to cope with it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 03/08/2023 15:19

Bit of respect not hit of respect!

OP posts:
SnowWhitesSM · 03/08/2023 15:23

OP please show the social worker this whole thread. Even if you copy and paste the link to their phone number. They will be able to assess this properly with the information you've provided here and you won't worry about leaving things out or not getting it over properly.

I personally think this is an amazing outcome and nothing at all for you to worry about. I think you'll be signposted to real life support as well.

Original poster
JH20000 · 03/08/2023 15:27

DP is gaslighting me again saying social services are now going to put a mark against my name and that I’ll be known as unsafe to be around children. Is this true? Will they even care my mental health is poor because of him and his children? DP has also told me if I decide to have a child in the future then they’ll be watching too??

He is saying I need to vacate the property and that his kids come first always.

OP posts:
TRexTara · 03/08/2023 15:35

JH20000 · 03/08/2023 15:27

DP is gaslighting me again saying social services are now going to put a mark against my name and that I’ll be known as unsafe to be around children. Is this true? Will they even care my mental health is poor because of him and his children? DP has also told me if I decide to have a child in the future then they’ll be watching too??

He is saying I need to vacate the property and that his kids come first always.

Omg!!!!! What absolute bloody bullshit! No this is not true, AT ALL. If they are aware that you have previously struggled with depression they will keep an eye on you, by they I mean your health visitor and GP. Social services are unbelievably busy and over stretched, they would have no reason to become involved unless something happened.

This lying fuckwit is playing with your mind and genuinely gaslighting you! You are not what he has convinced you you are.

I absolutely guarantee you that after a year away from this bastard and a bit of counselling, reaching out to people who care for you, you can turn your mental health around so profoundly.

He has to go OP!!! They are evil and trashy abs are sinking you! How can you ever steer a ship when your crew members are running around making holes in the helm?

TRexTara · 03/08/2023 15:37

He needs to get the fuck out of your house. He can go back to the ex and stay with her. You need legal advice now.

TRexTara · 03/08/2023 15:41

Can you pay for some time with a solicitor?

His kids do not come before you in this situation. You come first because it's your house, you will be homeless and broke if he kicks you out, also you were trying to do your best to help the child!

Perhaps you should call social services on them? I don't know that's probably just my anger and frustration with how badly you are being treated.

Please get some professional advice.

I need to go calm down now! Good luck and Godbless Op.

TRexTara · 03/08/2023 15:42

Sorry I hadn't even read your recent posts! Looks like you are on it.

Motherofalittledragon · 03/08/2023 15:46

The whole lot of them sound like a sodding nightmare and deserve each other.
Kick your partner to the kerb and sell the house and leave the whole sorry lot to it. It'll be a weight of your shoulders.

Original poster
JH20000 · 03/08/2023 15:47

He has said that if I dare mention anything to social services about the kids actual behaviour and how little support the kid’s parents are giving them (him and his ex wife are doing absolutely nothing about their behaviour) then I will need to get out immediately and that he will indeed tell social services what I’m really like (he’s trying to make me out a monster!)

OP posts:
TRexTara · 03/08/2023 15:48

They are trying to steal your home Op. sell the fucking house. Nothing but shit memories it seems anyway.

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