The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

For a man so very happy with his many relationships... he spends a lot of time trying to annoy you!

His intention isn’t to upset, he’s testing the water to see if OP responds so he can work his way back - he needs a warm bed and is resting to see if there’s an offer.

This is typical behavior from a man like him.

Just a small update as things have settled down on my side. A slightly happier update too. I’ve recently met someone new, completely unexpected and I wasn’t actually looking for anyone when it happened. We’re taking it very very slow but he’s lovely and I’m now excited for the future.

As for the ex, he’s still the same old self apparently and is still with his multiple partners but I’ve heard on the grapevine that he’s not that happy really. He is trying to portray he is very happy though and I even had a random text off one of his girlfriends to say they were very happy 😂 bit silly really.

His kids are also still a nightmare according to my ‘source’ (for want of a better word) and I’ve even spotted one of them out and about causing trouble and smoking cannabis at the local hotspot for teenagers so I don’t doubt what I’ve been told for a second.

I want to say a massive thank you to you all. Last year and the first part of this year have been awful for me and I honestly thought I wouldn’t survive.

you’re all amazing and this is making me tear up really! So thank you xxxxx

Ps I am also still at counselling and it’s helped massively to work through why I put up with that shit for so long. It’s really really helping and has let me put in new boundaries for moving forward.

you’re all amazing and this is making me tear up really! So thank you xxxxx

No, you did all the hard work, you suffered and pulled through, you are stronger than you think you are. I wonder if you look back and don’t recognize yourself? Bad experience make us bristle in cuter relationships - you certainly know what to look out for now!

Fingers crossed you’ve found a gentleman.

I am so happy for you! Thank you for coming back to share this.

That's so good, you sound so so so much happier

This is an amazing update. I'm SO SO happy for you.

Yay for you! I'm so pleased to hear this news and I wish you all the very best foe this new chapter ahead

I think one day I am going to read this thread from the very start but I do know right now it’d just upset me. Can’t believe it was nearly a year ago though. How times change.

He did take three years of my life and left me a depressed mess but I am reclaiming my life and putting one foot in front of the other. Going away this weekend with lovely new man and I am very much looking forward to it.

For anyone reading who is in a similar situation to what mine was, just get out. It’ll destroy you emotionally and no man (or person) is worth destroying your mental health for.

Am I allowed to be slightly patronising and say how immensely proud I am of you?

You have been through so much, and gone into such dark places, mainly at the hands of one man, and yet in just over one year you are starting to blossom. The beauty of this place is that it offers the opportunity for others to shine sunlight upon those dark, damp, mouldy corners of a poster's life so it enables that person to see. It might be very slow at first but if the poster continues to listen, and fight, they soon burst out in all their strength and stand tall.

We might have supported you but it was you who did it all. Well done you! 🌻

An amazing update.

I think you need to ready the whole thread!

Well done OP. I'm so happy to hear your update!

Good for you. Enjoy your new life knowing you will never have to deal with him, his obnoxious ex and his obnoxious kids ever again. Go home to your new house, put your feet up have a glass of wine, look around you and think ",I'm freeeeee!!" 🥰🥰

This is brilliant. I did look for this thread a while ago and i couldn’t find it. I’m so pleased. I hope you are really enjoying being in your own home and having control over your life.
Thank you for updating! This was always the outcome I expected, so nice for it to be true.

I didn’t realise it was an old thread which is why I edited 😆

I love this. It will give hope to someone. There is light and hope at the end of the tunnel. It was a fuving hard and arduous tunnel but you got there in the end x

@JH20000

He did take three years of my life and left me a depressed mess but I am reclaiming my life and putting one foot in front of the other.

As bad as the situation was, dear OP, it could have been so much worse. You could have buried your head in the sand, let things continue through those hard three years, felt too defeated to protect your future and let this man, his feral offspring and abusive Ex destroy you.

Instead you have a brighter future ahead because, yes because of the support here which you have taken (some people are unable to) but also because of your own courage, vision and tenacity.

Going away this weekend with lovely new man and I am very much looking forward to it.

How could you have envisioned this ⬆️ when you were going through the dark days? I salute you and wish you the happiest future. 🌹

Go VERY slowly with the new guy, keep doing the counselling (best money you will ever spend) and celebrate your freedom every day x

So glad to see your positive update. Onward and upward!

Enjoy.

We’d love to hear about your weekend…. If you get time!!

I love a hope story: friend of mine in a similar situation and has been free for 2 years now. The rewards far out weight the bad. She’s happy and alive.

please do be a light for others in the same situation.

One thing that did upset me was recently finding out he never loved me for the entire last year of our relationship. That hurt, massively and felt like a huge gut punch. All I went through, and he was just keeping me around to help out with his kids (and for the sex too I suppose).

Thank you for all your lovely comments, just had a cry at them all ❤️❤️❤️

To be honest this person is likely psychologically damaged beyond our capacity to understand so he doesn't actually understand what love is. He thinks it's 'she does what I want her to' or 'I like sex with her'. This isn't your fault, it's probably not even his fault. It started in his infancy with how he was being raised. From your descriptions of his ex, he's addicted to the abuse cycle himself which will indicate a lot about his upbringing by an alcoholic mum. So him not loving you ironically is probably because you were being a safe, decent human and he's used to chaos as a homeplace.

None of that is your concern. I'm interested in what you've said about your dad. Keep doing your counselling, get your self-worth high and set whatever boundaries are necessary with your family and in future relationships. You're going to be ok OP be proud you got out

My dear, I would suggest he has never loved anyone.

Brilliant update! I'm so happy for you and wish you all the best.

Your ex sounds pathetic. And just remember truly happy people don't feel the need to prove they're happy. And even if he was over the moon and living his best life it doesn't matter. He's irrelevant now.

My XH was like your X. 30 years later he is totally on his own. Our DC have nothing to do with him, neither do most of his family, his friends have all left him too.
Of course it takes time to get over, but you are well on the way now. We have the most amazing GC that he has never met. The loss is all his.
Good luck with everything