The straw that broke the camel’s back..

[JH20000]

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

People that are that happy don't feel the need to constantly tell others.

What sort of person brags about having to take an std test? Gah he sounds so so cringeworthy. He was probably fishing as well when he made the comment about hoping you find a new boyfriend. Hideous man.

You sound great though. Completely different league to this sad sack of a man.

Showing you his STD results and acting like he's achieved something clever........how cringeworthy.

OP, life has so much more to offer than this. Onwards and upwards is the way to go.

Hopefully karma comes in the form of herpes or genital warts...

I’ve just blocked him on everything. He sent me another bloody message to tell me that I would never understand his lifestyle and that he’s so happy without me. He also sent a fucking list of facts about polyamory relationships and that I should consider it because apparently polyamory relationships last longer than monogamous ones.

My love wasn’t enough for him too, apparently.

Fuck sake.

Definitely a mid life crisis.

He’s been fully blocked on everything now.

Please someone tell me I’ll get over this because right now I feel like I’ve thrown away years of my life on a man who I think was lying throughout to me.

I'm glad you've taken this step. He's a sad little man. He's a liar. He's an abuser. He's a shit father. He's a shit partner. If all his got going for him sex then I pity him and everyone he sticks his dick it. It's not you that isn't enough. He only has sex to offer. I imagine that that's not great either.

Of course you'll get over it. You don't want this horrible cretin. Honestly, once the dust settles you will be so much happier.

Those messages read to me like he is getting zero shags. I suspect life is not rosey with ex and he thinks they way to get you back is jealousy.
Block and keep blocking, because I think he will still try.

you will get over him, think about all the time you haven’t wasted by dumping him.
Just sit and imagine what home life is for him now with ex and his children full time, really sit and think about what that looks like. I’ve never met any of them and I assume that’s not fun at all.

Sadly, OP, it sounds like you're just one of many unsuspecting women who've fallen into a nest of vipers created by this individual and his former wife. It's obviously painful for you now on so many fronts, but you're out of it now, and wasting too much time on regret for a situation that really doesn't deserve so much angst.

Are you still seeing your counsellor?

You will get over this OP. You are better than this man and you will get the happiness you deserve .. fear not!

You do realise that he's going on about polyamory because he hopes you'll join him, right? It is a very weird compliment but a compliment nonetheless.

You've been through so much OP. If there is any way you can escape him completely then you really need to do so!

You will absolutely get over this, OP. You’ve taken amazing, brave and decisive steps to get away from this bellend. He sounds like a cretinous scab and I sincerely hope he gets the clap. Take lots and lots of time for yourself. Do the therapy and the work to get back to a healthy place. Don’t date until you are there or you risk ending up with another villain. Good luck, OP. It will stop hurting soon, I promise you.

He actually did say it was a shame I wasn’t into being polyamorous.. so yes I agree with you!

You will absolutely get over this, and at some point you'll look at how strong you're being now and feel proud of yourself.

He wouldn't be messaging you all this nonsense if he wasn't (a) spiralling because he's realised how much he's fucked up and trying to justify it to himself and (b) hoping you'll fall for his bullshit and go back to him.

Good on blocking him, he's yesterday's news and will hopefully be no more than an embarrassing story you cringe about with your friends in years to come.

You will. Try not to get bogged down with regret which I appreciate will be hard. Don't let him taint your current life and promising future. It will get better.

For a man who is having so much sex with so many women, he seems to have plenty of time to tell you all about it.

He is being very vocal on how 'happy' he is.
@JH20000 I'm reality the twat knows he has fucked up losing you. He is trying to drag you back into to his horrendous little life, all while convincing you to share him with other woman like he is a God 💩I also bet this poly relationship would only involve him with other woman but not you with other men.

I know its still raw but you have done the right thing blocking. In time you will celebrate you doged that bullet 💐

@JH20000

He actually did say it was a shame I wasn’t into being polyamorous..

Bleurrgh!! He must think you're weak minded to even consider having any kind of a relationship with him, let alone a physical one. Even with several barge poles... 🌹

Basically he isn't getting sex with the ExW and wants you back but behind her back.

🤮

am just wondering if I’m able to do something about this now (police?) as in the very early hours I received a weird (perhaps drunk? She is an alcoholic sadly) message on Facebook from his mum!! She’s blamed me for the kids behaviour and that now I’ve gone they’re absolutely fine. Apparently his entire family believe I had a bad effect on the children.

Ive been made out to be a horrible horrible person and this is really affecting me now mentally. I feel like I am an awful person - yes this is the irrational side of my brain speaking I know!

I have gone through and blocked his family on FB now.

What you should be doing is throwing money at therapy. And not giving any of his friends or family the time of day.

Speak to Rights of Women about the threshold for a non-mol against her.

So the DC have an alcoholic Mum, can't think why they are messed up 🙄

No sorry I mean his mum, so their grandmother.

Therapy is happening, I’ve thankfully got counselling sorted and have been going. It’s helping definitely and I’ve started to unpick through it all.

Is it worth logging it all with the police on case things escalate? I really hope it doesn't, but its a possibility. Is there anybody else to block?
Your dignified silence must be infuriating him!
This is not about you though. This is him twisting and manipulating people to see his version.
He is trying to ease his guilt and make you the bad guy.
The man is a moron and clearly his family are being fed a load of lies.
You should be so proud of how you have dealt with this, such dignity.
Hopefully, now they are all blocked you can get on with rebuilding yourself and be happy .

@JH20000

Is it worth logging it all with the police on case things escalate? I really hope it doesn't, but it's a possibility.

As well as Rights for Women maybe try the police non-emergency number (101) and ask them for advice?

So sorry you're still going through this harassment OP. Actually use the word "harassment" when you make those calls. 🌹