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Original poster

The straw that broke the camel’s back..

985 replies

JH20000 · 29/07/2023 23:58

Name changed.

I have had no end of problems with DP’s ex wife. She’s awful sorry to say and I’ve had abuse consistently from her.

My 3 step kids are challenging to say the least, multiple problems with them taking drugs, truanting from school, consistently being in trouble with the police, being disrespectful to everyone, stealing etc. I’m struggling massively to the point I’m now on multiple anxiety/depression medications. DP is very blasé about it all, and I’ve had little support from him. For what it’s worth I’m child free myself so struggling because I’ve never been in a parent role before.

His ex wife turned up on the doorstep this evening screaming and shouting because I told the eldest child off for coming back to ours late last week. He was supposed to be in for 9 and came in at 10.30 for context. She was leaning in for a fight, screaming abuse at me and stating I’m the reason the kids are badly behaved and that she’s reporting me to social services. 🙄

DP stood there throughout shrugging his shoulders stating that I shouldn’t have told the child off and that he agreed with his ex wife. I told her I was going to call the police as she was becoming threatening and she laughed in my face before storming off.

This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. I guess I just needed a handhold. I’m not sure why I’m putting up with this crap.

OP posts:
scaredofthefuture2024 · 24/03/2024 10:07

Well his behaviour makes sense now - Apple clearly didn't fall far from the tree.

Remember:

1 neither he or his ex had a problem with the kids behaviour. That was part of the issue - clearly he is also a product of substandard parenting;

  1. he and his ex trotted out the same crap to social services who saw through the bullshit.

These people are showing you their true faces. You're better off out of this toxic circus. Things will get better. Block everywhere.

AsterixAndPersimmon · 24/03/2024 10:17

I agree with PP.

It seems strange that when SS were called, they didn’t think you were the problem but that their parents were….

As you said, it’s your irrational brain talking.

Well done for blocking his mum and the rest of the family.
Id keep a copy of the message she sent (again… 😢) just in case.

unicornhair · 24/03/2024 10:46

You know it’s not true. He’s told his drunk mother that and she’s reacted.

No way are they well behaved now. It’s clear he wants attention from you/to get to you. I’d get some advice and log it with the police. Especially as you have already blocked him and now he’s using other people to get at you.

INeedAnotherName · 24/03/2024 11:10

I think you need to ask your therapist specifically how to let go of what others think. Because in the grand scheme of things it really, really doesn't matter if they think you are lazy, mean or bloody lovely. How does it affect your job or your mortgage company or your supermarket shop? Will you be refused your weekly food, or will the bank not let you have your wages? No, of course not.

Their thoughts about you doesn't do anything in the physical world, they only have power in your head. So learn to let it all go. Imagine their thoughts as little wee beasties sitting on your shoulders. Stand up straight and tall, take a deep breath and watch those little beggers wobble - now flick them off with your hand and start walking forward, nice and proud, and do not look back Flowers

Newestname002 · 24/03/2024 11:29

Id keep a copy of the message she sent (again… 😢) just in case.

Yes - take a screenshot before she/he deletes it as you may need an audit trail. 🌹

SortingItOut · 24/03/2024 17:57

I'm actually wondering if he sent it using his Mum's account.
Why would she randomly message you word for word what he has already said to you?

If it was her you are well rid of the family.

Original poster
JH20000 · 26/03/2024 14:21

Screenshot taken and heard nothing since. Wanted to send a cutting message back but felt best not to.

@SortingItOut i believe it was his mum, the way the message was worded sounded like her. She always was the type of woman to get involved in the drama

OP posts:
Tirediam · 26/03/2024 14:32

@JH20000 a very sad family in which the twatiness trickles down

SortingItOut · 26/03/2024 16:06

@JH20000 you might have already said and apologies if I've forgotten but how did someone who is very articulate and comes across as 'very together' as a person get involved with such a chaotic, dysfunctional man with an equally chaotic and dysfunctional family?

It's not a criticism, just wondering out loud and to give you something to think about so it doesn't happen again.

Original poster
JH20000 · 01/04/2024 13:47

SortingItOut · 26/03/2024 16:06

@JH20000 you might have already said and apologies if I've forgotten but how did someone who is very articulate and comes across as 'very together' as a person get involved with such a chaotic, dysfunctional man with an equally chaotic and dysfunctional family?

It's not a criticism, just wondering out loud and to give you something to think about so it doesn't happen again.

At first he was charming and lovely. Thought I’d found the man of my dreams (!!) I had come out of a shitty divorce and I guess I felt vulnerable at the time. Looking back I wish I had swiped the other way on him on the dating app.

Everything seemed to be fine at first, but I guess it always is.

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 01/04/2024 13:49

Just checking in to say I’m having a shit day because of it all. Nothing major has happened (apart from hearing down the grapevine he’s now dating 5 women and he’s super happy!!) yay🤨

Just wanted to get my thoughts off my chest.

counselling is helping and I’m starting to open up and explore the reason why I stuck with him so long. I feel like I’m opening up a closed wound though - it’s really emotionally painful

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 01/04/2024 14:23

You are doing great, down days are to be expected. You've had so many high days that it's easy to forget low days can just reappear.
Plus counselling is hard work emotionally, so much to work through that brings all sorts up from the past.

And as for this grapevine, what a coincidence it made it's way back to you....I still stand by comments made recently by myself and others, if he was that happy he wouldn't need to tell people how happy he is. No doubt by next week he'll have 10 women he's dating and within 6 months there will be hundreds 😂
I do actually believe in polyamory and all that it means, it definitely suits some people...I'd be interested to know if all 5 women know about each other......I highly doubt it and that's not polyamory, that's just being a lying twat leading people on.

You are way bigger and better than him.

Original poster
JH20000 · 01/04/2024 14:40

This is a man who said he had absolutely no time for me ever, yet is apparently with multiple women now. That’s what hurts I think

OP posts:
Original poster
JH20000 · 01/04/2024 14:43

It was funny how it got back to me. He bumped into a good friend of mine in the bloody supermarket, it was almost as if he launched himself over to her to ‘tell her excitedly’ about his new women.

He knew me and her would end up talking about it, that’s why he did it I think. He even told her their names and nationalities (???)

Myself and friend had a giggle about it yesterday but it hurts today.

Edited to add but reading this back makes him sound crazy.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 01/04/2024 14:52

I'd be taking it all with a pinch of salt...unless you've met all 5 women and verified with them, just assume it's bollocks.

He isn't making time for these women because it's not true so please don't worry about why you weren't enough for him.

Any normal person who saw their ex's friend in the supermarket would either avoid them or exchange pleasantries and continue shopping. No normal person would go into great detail about their life unless they wanted it to get back to the ex and give the illusion they've moved on and life is great.

MothralovesGojira · 01/04/2024 15:03

@JH20000
Yes you are opening up a wound but it was never a closed one. The wound that you have was just loosely stitched sealing all the nasty stuff inside. That allowed you do what you needed to do in order to cut the rot out of your life. Therapy has to cut open that wound and clean out the rot leaving it clean and ready for therapy to restitch it cleanly and neatly. It will leave a scar but if you fully engage with therapy then It will be a small reminder to be properly cautious in future. If you don't then it will leave a ragged scar that you will pick at, reinfecting you with bad memories again & again, over & over. The process will make you feel bad but it will get better as you progress.

TheCatterall · 01/04/2024 15:09

@JH20000 please note it’s him telling everyone that will listen about all these women chasing him etc.

it’s either pure fantasy or he’s told them all that he’s mentally stable and they are engaging with him until they discover his multitude of lies and the absolute shit show that his life is.

If you have learnt nothing from this man in the last 12+ months I’m sure you know what an accomplished liar he is who lives in a fantasy world.

LadyLindaT · 01/04/2024 15:09

He is a very sad creature, that projected himself to you as something that he really wasn't. He seems to create misery and weirdness wherever he goes. Please move on and have a happy life.

unicornhair · 01/04/2024 15:52

I think he’s desperately sad you’ve dumped him. 5 women! Pull the other one.

Is the ex not the love of his life anymore?

UWOT1 · 01/04/2024 16:08

Fucking 5 women isn't a relationship. Its just sexual. He doesn't have time or the capacity to have anything meaningful with them.

You know he's an abusive, cheating, delusional lowlife. Who would genuinely want anything meaningful with him?

Focus on yourself OP. he doesn't deserve your headspace.

Tirediam · 01/04/2024 16:28

Can fuck 5 women but can’t parent 2 kids. Great

RandomMess · 01/04/2024 16:31

Has it occurred to you that he is probably having to pay to fuck these 5 women??

StormingNorman · 01/04/2024 18:19

Leave. Your DP obviously agrees you’re part of the problem. It just sounds toxic for all of you.

Motnight · 01/04/2024 18:23

StormingNorman · 01/04/2024 18:19

Leave. Your DP obviously agrees you’re part of the problem. It just sounds toxic for all of you.

You really, really need to read the thread.

GreyBlackLove · 01/04/2024 18:24

It's telling that he's going on about how happy he is, but not how happy the 5 women are...

OP, the likelihood of what he told your friend being true is next to nil. He's desperate to look as though he's moved on, happy, in demand and living the dream. If he honestly were any of those things he wouldn't have fallen over himself to speak to your friend.