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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Ex and son

611 replies

Hatsof · 16/07/2023 08:23

I thought this was the best place for this. I’m not a step parent but maybe this would get the best answers to how to deal with this.

ex and I split when our son was 2. The first year we were apart he had our son every weekend Fri-mon. After that year he met a woman, she had 3 kids already, I knew about her cos of social media. I wasn’t happy about it cos I knew this would mean less time for my son so I told ex that this new relationship better not affect my son. She didn’t meet my son for about 5 months, then my son comes back to me and tells me they all went to the beach together. Ex, gf and my son… I will admit I was fuming. He didn’t discuss it with me first or ask if it was ok. I did message and call him to tell him I was not happy with this but he ignored it. This carries on then after they had been together 8 months ish my son was introduced to her children. Again, I wasn’t consulted about it. I told ex he was selfish for doing this as son is shy and wouldn’t like being around so many other children. Fast forward another 6 months and I find out via social media she’s pregnant and they are moving in together. He did tell me he would now be living with her, but not that she was pregnant! He didn’t have the courtesy of telling me before they announced it which I didn’t like at all. They told my son about the baby also without asking my input.

I did tell ex that if he did move in with the new baby and gf he wouldn’t be allowed to have our son there as it would be damaging for him. But he ignored this and did it anyway and of course I didn’t stop him seeing him but I admit I wanted to.

fast forward again there baby is now 2, and When talking to my son I get the feeling he is really feeling left out and I feel he doesn’t get the attention he did before and it’s not fair. The gf also sometimes looks after my son while ex works, I’ve also tried to stop this as I don’t think it’s right but again I was ignored. He just ignores any of my requests.

so that’s the background but now ex is saying he has a new job which means working weekends sometimes, so wants to have my son every other weekend Fri-mon, and 2 nights in the week on the weeks he won’t have him weekends. He said he can get him to school ect so that’s not the issue, my issue is he’s just being pushed out again! We’ve tried mediation cos I didn’t agree with this, I said needs to be weekends only. And the mediator took my side but he wouldn’t agree to keep things the same. So now as I’ve said no to this he said he will be applying to court. Surely the court won’t side with him on this?

sorry about the ramble but honestly I feel my son should be put first and he’s not and it’s eating me up. Any advice please?

OP posts:

Scottishskifun · 26/07/2023 16:58

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 16:53

His teacher says it’s cos he has low self esteem. Yes I tell him off but I have him a lot more than his dad he’s suppose to just have fun with him not tell him off

Are you serious?!
A parents job is to be a parent if your son is acting up then yes he gets pulled up on it!

OP you clearly have your head in the sand with its my way or the high way attitude which is damaging to your son long term.
I really hope a judge gives you a reality check about your behaviour and actions

WhatInFreshHell · 26/07/2023 16:59

Oh god OP...you're not going to get anywhere with this. I'm a Childcare Solicitor...I would have a field day with you, I could tear your story apart within a minute without even thinking about it. You sound manipulative and vindictive, your poor son. I hope his Dad actually gets extra time so your son has a balanced parent. You're definitely not that!

lovesheart · 26/07/2023 17:05

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 16:53

His teacher says it’s cos he has low self esteem. Yes I tell him off but I have him a lot more than his dad he’s suppose to just have fun with him not tell him off

But you don't.. he has him all weekend every weekend from Friday after school? You have him mon-thur evenings.. so few hours after school before bed...

Original poster

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 17:08

lovesheart · 26/07/2023 17:05

But you don't.. he has him all weekend every weekend from Friday after school? You have him mon-thur evenings.. so few hours after school before bed...

Show quote history

Exactly weekends are for fun

OP posts:

Original poster

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 17:14

He’s also stopped having him every weekend now cos he started his new job. So has him every other weekend and he’s asked for a couple nights in the week but that’s not happened yet as I’ve had plans on those days.

OP posts:

twigy100 · 26/07/2023 17:16

So what alternative arrangements / evenings have you offered as your plans have affected his days ?

ChiPawPrint · 26/07/2023 17:17

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 17:14

I'm sure you could make the children available for him and move things around.

pinkyredrose · 26/07/2023 17:19

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 17:08

Exactly weekends are for fun

Show quote history

Surely you're not serious. You must be on the biggest wind up ever.

If not then I'm starting to think that people should have basic intelligence/competency tests before they become parents.

CheshireCat1 · 26/07/2023 17:21

I can understand fully the reasoning behind your ex going through court, it’s because he knows you very well and doesn’t trust you.

BudgetBuster · 26/07/2023 17:23

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 17:14

Again, this is you restricting him from seeing his child. What plans have you every day that are more important than your sons relationship with his dad and other family, considering you already think he's left out so should be doing everything in your power to facilitate access. Also, weekends are not just for fun and if you think a father shouldn't discipline or parent their child you are more deranged than we all thought you were at the start.

Have you made any therapist appointments for yourself yet?

ChiPawPrint · 26/07/2023 17:30

Sorry to say this but I feel so sorry for your child and your ex.

frazzledasarock · 26/07/2023 17:42

CAFCASS will not ask a young child direct questions they have experience of children being used as pawns by warring parents. Like you’re doing.

your ex is going to get the order he seeks. He’s not being unreasonable at all. You really are.

I’m really worried about your mental health as you seem to have a completely delusional idea of what life should be like and it revolves around your wants, not your child’s needs.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 26/07/2023 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Crimeismymiddlename · 26/07/2023 18:28

After reading all the updates. With how pig headed and myopic you are, as well as the happiness to commit fraud your ex has no choice but to take you to court. I can only imagine how you behaved in mediation.

namechangenacy · 26/07/2023 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's already be reported several times.

The poster is absolutely nuts but seems real enough, some people do think like this sadly

Original poster

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:09

namechangenacy · 26/07/2023 18:40

It's already be reported several times.

The poster is absolutely nuts but seems real enough, some people do think like this sadly

Show quote history

I’m real and been on here ages! Just name changed as obviously this is very outing!! I’m trying to be honest to get the best advice. That’s the truth. I don’t think I’ve come across the best on here but I’m not insane

OP posts:

Original poster

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:10

He has applied to court now, so will see what happens. I guess they will just do what’s best for my son and I won’t argue with that.

OP posts:

BudgetBuster · 26/07/2023 19:27

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:09

Show quote history

Just to be clear, you absolutely are insane.

You need to get yourself some therapy or mental health help... and I mean that with the upmost respect. You absolutely damaging your poor innocent child and using him as a weapon.

namechangenacy · 26/07/2023 19:32

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:10

He has applied to court now, so will see what happens. I guess they will just do what’s best for my son and I won’t argue with that.

I think what has alarmed people is when someone said the courts will speak to your child. You sounded slightly panicked at the thought.

Then in most recent update you have clearly spoken to your son and told him what to say.

Which is verbatim what you said in your previous post.

I hate hate people saying this on here but fuck me. Poor kid. The courts will hopefully do right by your son.

It's just a shame you won't. And that's why people are calling you insane.

noglow · 26/07/2023 19:40

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 17:14

What plans. You've already said weekends are for fun.

Original poster

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:47

noglow · 26/07/2023 19:40

What plans. You've already said weekends are for fun.

Show quote history

Seeing my family, son has had a couple friends party’s. Why should he miss out. He would rather go there than to his dads when I ask him

OP posts:

campingmama · 26/07/2023 19:50

son has had a couple friends party’s. Why should he miss out. He would rather go there than to his dads when I ask him

Dad can take him to parties, have you even bothered to offer that as an option or just taken it upon yourself to keep him from his dad for the sake of a party for a couple of hours?

noglow · 26/07/2023 20:00

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:47

Seeing my family, son has had a couple friends party’s. Why should he miss out. He would rather go there than to his dads when I ask him

Show quote history

You're so out of order

Newjobformoremoney · 26/07/2023 20:00

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 19:47

Seeing my family, son has had a couple friends party’s. Why should he miss out. He would rather go there than to his dads when I ask him

Show quote history

Come on, how are you not hearing what people are saying. You are leading the kid, and it's totally inappropriate you're even asking him who he wants to be with!
His dad can take him to the party, perfect 121 time!

Original poster

Hatsof · 26/07/2023 20:18

campingmama · 26/07/2023 19:50

son has had a couple friends party’s. Why should he miss out. He would rather go there than to his dads when I ask him

Dad can take him to parties, have you even bothered to offer that as an option or just taken it upon yourself to keep him from his dad for the sake of a party for a couple of hours?

I have actually offered, but he often can’t do things like that on week day afternoons cos he has his baby while the gf is working and she takes the car. They seem to work opposite times to each other for childcare which is why it’s so frustrating, the baby is always around.

OP posts:

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