How to accommodate step children in your house

[Whyseverythingsocomplicated]

i have a 4 bedroom house and there has been talk of my partner moving in, in the near future. I have twins a boy and girl who are 8 and they currently have a room of their own. My partner has a 14 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son and has them 3 nights a week. But unless I make some drastic changes to the house then there arent enough bedrooms for everyone. What does everyone else do in similar situations? Is it unreasonable for my son to share a room with his son?

I think that’s the best option (if OP decided she wanted to go ahead)

Well at least you know where his head is.

He wants to move into your home and have you raise his children.

A dud.

Just another lazy man who is hoping for some mug to do the job he doesn't want to do.

Keep him far away from your children.

OP, it is not selfish to protect what you have and hour childrens home and childhood.

Why on earth would you do otherwise.

He couldn't care less about your children.

All he wants is to not have to rent and find some mug to do the work of raising, feedibg, cleaning up and laundry of HIS children.

Having them move in would ruin your home and peace.

You barely know him.

Look at doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to firm up your boundaries because you sound a bit soft and vulnerable.

This will make you a target for this type.

Absolutely this.

His type often stage a "crisis" to get in the door.

I would think you have had a target on your head from the moment he established your circumstances.

Expect him to be very "hurt" by all this too🙄.

If he already struggles with his DC won't he still struggle with them if he moves in?
Or will the SC suddenly become your problem?

Anyway glad you've seen the light. Are you going to carry on seeing him?

I wouldn't move him in.

You'll get posters saying his dc should have their own rooms no matter what, but for me the issue is your son having to share his room three nights a week.

This guy is literally shouting at you what his agenda is: Subsidise me, parent my kids and put yours last

He’s so blatant - his reaction was all about him, his wants and needs and convenience. You’ve had a really lucky escape from this user!

@Whyseverythingsocomplicated

Just checking in with you, OP, to see how you're doing? Hoping things are clearer and more positive for you. 🌹

I’m fine thank you 😊 I’ve had a good talk with him over the past couple of days and discussed my feelings and thoughts on the whole situation and I’ve been completely honest. I think he was shocked but he kind of sees it from my point of view. He just doesn’t understand how you can have a relationship for years with not moving in together and struggles to then see where all this is going. But I’ve told him other people do this and it’s completely normal and if I’m not ready for the next five years even then so be it. Moving forward though I will definitely stay guarded! I think he really wanted to settle down, remarry and move in together and had a time frame for all of this. However after everyone’s great advice I know I’m well within my right to take things at my own pace and move forward only if I’m one hundred percent certain and also of course my kids.

Have you got a dining room/study you can convert into a bedroom? Otherwise might have to look at getting a bigger house, dividing room could be a possibility but seems a bit unfair on your son as half the week and not just the odd night he would be having to share

P.s just read on from the original post, hell no don’t even consider moving in together!!! 😱

He is perfectly able to buy his own house he doesn’t have to stay renting waiting for you to be ready. He needs to make his own life and a home for his children after his previous split. If he sits in rented, doesn’t really embrace parenting his own children while all the time waiting for you to fix his domestic life to the detriment of your own childrens happiness and you give in to his hurt/ shock/ pressure then you would be foolish. Why settle for that kind of partner for yourself and worse as a step father to your children.

If you must do it then rent out your house. Your partner can give notice on the three bed house he currently rents and then you can all rent something bigger together!

Good for you, OP.
There's no rule that relationships must progress to living together.

@Whyseverythingsocomplicated

However after everyone’s great advice I know I’m well within my right to take things at my own pace and move forward only if I’m one hundred percent certain and also of course my kids.

I'm so very glad! You sound more focused, calmer and surer of your own needs. Your current living situation works for you and your children. He needs to plan for his own life now, being responsible for himself and his own children, rather than putting a placeholder in their lives waiting for you to come to his way of thinking and taking on more than you want to - which doesn't work for you. Good luck going forwards. 🌹

If I think back to when I was a child, there was me plus my brother, I can’t think of anything worse than having to share my home (or god forbid, a bedroom) with extra children.

Thank you for your update and well done on having an honest chat. I’m glad that you have taken control of the situation and are doing things on your terms, not his.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet there OP!!