How to accommodate step children in your house

[Whyseverythingsocomplicated]

i have a 4 bedroom house and there has been talk of my partner moving in, in the near future. I have twins a boy and girl who are 8 and they currently have a room of their own. My partner has a 14 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son and has them 3 nights a week. But unless I make some drastic changes to the house then there arent enough bedrooms for everyone. What does everyone else do in similar situations? Is it unreasonable for my son to share a room with his son?

I bet he does want to live with you. It doesn't sound as though it would be in yours or your children's best interests to do that, though.

What does he suggest happens?

He's coming from a rented house - forget bills for a second - would he pay a rent equivalent on your house?

Stay as you are, you say you are happy with it being you and your kids so keep that for now. It's the best for them. I agree with some posters who say he probably wants to move in with you as it's easier for him etc it all depends on the relationship and how long you have been together. But if its a strong relationship he will have no problems leaving things as they are for now.

Well we’ve only been together for a year and half and for me it’s too soon. I have answered my own question but you’ve also all been a great help. I think because this is something he really wants it’s hard for me to think actually I don’t. After reading everyone’s comments I can see why and also feel ‘normal’ for feeling and thinking this way.

I do honestly believe that he would pay his way and also help around the home so I’m not worried in that respect.

Your partner is being incredibly selfish pushing to move in when it would mean you losing a huge amount of space or your children having to share. It would be awful for them to be made to share their rooms. I have lots of people I get on well with but it doesn’t mean I’d be happy to give them half my bedroom.

Your partner is thinking about how much money he will save in rent rather than what is best for his or your children.

Always the men pushing to move in
Saves them money, sex on tap, live in cook and nanny
to be fair most women don't put their kids or themselves first and happily allow it

I think because this is something he really wants

It's probably because he is renting and you own.

To be fair he might not just be a user, he might really want to live with OP as a family unit. If he can afford to rent a three-bed alone, he can probably easily afford half the costs of a four-bed. He might be very domesticated and OP might be a slob. Eighteen months is a reasonable timescale to move in together for child-free relationships.

However, it’s very quick when there’s two sets of children to integrate, especially teenagers, and it’s not logistically viable at the moment because neither of their houses are big enough for everyone.

Way too soon, I always give it at least 4 or 5 years, and that's without any DC involved. Put your foot down, if he really loves you he'll wait until the youngest of all the kids are 18.

Thats not the point OP, the point is you are a single parent who is in the fortunate position of owning her own 4 bed home. No matter what happens, you do not give a man any 'rights' over that home. That means not moving him and his kids in and not marrying him. That house is yours and more importantly your children's security.
It's not fair on YOUR children. It doesn't matter what this boyfriend of 18 MONTHS wants. Your children deserve to be at the forefront of any decisions you make from now on. If that means not living with anyone till they are older then so be it. If he is a fully functioning adult he should be more than capable of running his own house and not have an issue with you wanting to protect you assets.

Why are you doing this who will it benefit? If it is just so you can live together just keep separate properties until the kids are older and likely moved out/gone. Recipe for disaster.

Do a mental for/against list for you both. Likely his will involve less rent and free childcare.. And no negatives from..

For the love of the children, don't do it.

Just read your updates - even more convinced this is a bad idea. It is clear what he gets out of it at the expense of the kids and likely you with the stress of additional bodies in the house. Nope - and if he sees it as a dealbreaker so be it - he is showing you who he is.

It’ll be interesting to see his reaction if you say you’re not ready yet, and to reconsider the idea in a years time.

(but no mention of it in between).

Whats the expression, no one falls in love as fast as a man that needs a place to live. I wouldn't move in in these circumstances and I would be v v wary of someone who was pushing this so early in your relationship with two children to think about. How he reacts to you saying no will say a lot.

Sorry OP but it sounds like it suits him to move in more than it suits you. He's renting, you have your own house. I really wouldn't do it if I were you. There's nothing in it for you.

I moved in with DP when DS was 12 and DSS was 9. They shared a room happily enough until DS was 15, when older DSD went to uni and at that point the boys got their own rooms and DSD had a sofabed for the holidays. Depends how well everyone gets on. We had two younger girls too but figured they'd find it harder to share (v different personalities). The boys got on well overall and are very much brothers to each other now.

We were in a 2 bed house with ds when late dp got overnight access to his dc, my ds was 8, his ds was 3.5 & dd 18 months, my ds & his shared bunk beds & his dd slept in our room in a cot bed which converted to a toddler bed, it was only for 1 night a week, we just managed. Compared to when we got together & the 3 of us were living in a 1 bed flat with me & him sleeping on a blow-up bed in the living room, it was easy.

Sounds like moving in would provide lots of benefits for him and loads of compromise for your poor kids. Once he's in you won't be able to get rid of him easily so my advice would be don't do it.

He is only thinking of himself. I have teens. There is absolutely no way I would ever move them in with another family.

You clearly have very different parenting styles as you are thinking about the impact on your DC and he is not thinking about the impact on his. that would be reason enough for me to continued to live separately.

I wouldn't want to move in with someone that quickly even without kids involved.
(In fact I'm not sure I'd want to full stop though. What's wrong with sleepovers but also regular time to yourself?!

If its only 3 night a week can you not maybe put a sofa bed in the dining room? And maybe a TV for the older lad? You find the older they get they wont want to stay round as much they’ll be off with their mates and what not. If you’re not ready to move in I wouldn’t worry about it for now. When/if you are ready just ask all the kids what they want to do x

3 nights a week is half a week (almost) so quite a lot.

I definitely wouldn’t be up fir anyone moving into my house until my DD leaves home & ime men (or women) that are renting are extremely keen to move things along without much thought to the emotional side for the children.

Build better foundations & date, you don’t have any benefit to this.

I meant more that she would still have a dinning room the rest of the week