How to accommodate step children in your house

[Whyseverythingsocomplicated]

i have a 4 bedroom house and there has been talk of my partner moving in, in the near future. I have twins a boy and girl who are 8 and they currently have a room of their own. My partner has a 14 yr old daughter and 12 yr old son and has them 3 nights a week. But unless I make some drastic changes to the house then there arent enough bedrooms for everyone. What does everyone else do in similar situations? Is it unreasonable for my son to share a room with his son?

Omg hold your ground. he wants a free house and a free nanny.all about what he wants for himself. cop on to yourself OP. He has a plan. He has no thought for your kids or you or his own kids for that matter just himself. get rid sharpish and Protect yourself and your own kids. what ! you have reservations over his sons behaviour.countless red flags listen to your gut feeling and end it. you are a means to more money and less responsibilty for him. he sounds awful and TG has shown his true colours

"he really struggles looking after his kids and himself" and his solution to that problem is to get you to do it?

Be honest with yourself, do you want 3 more people to cook and clean for? 3 more people to shop for, organise things for, be a taxi service for and financially support? Because that's clearly what he has in mind.

You'd be a fool to take that on, especially as your kids are coming to a stage where parenting gets a bit more hands-off, but when your teens need you, they need you and you'd be distracted by others and your DC's needs may go unmet.

Also, if you do decide to stay with him, watch out for him suddenly becoming homeless / landlord needing to sell the property etc leaving you with no choice but to house him and his children ‘temporarily’ whilst he gets himself sorted…

Definitely this. If you do decide to stay with him, make sure you have a strategy to deal with this. Prevention is better than cure.

That hunch had crossed my mind too!

Op is he putting pressure on you?

You don't want him to move in or for your son to share . What would happen if he moved in and you split up?

OMG. He's not a "partner." Bin.

He just wants you to facilitate his life, financially, logistically and with help in parenting. All he can see is what's in it for him.

Talk about the proverbial "nurse with a purse." He may not be medically ill but he wants you to cure his life problems with your home, assets and effort.

Either just have occasional companionship with him and don't escalate or advance the relationship further, or withdraw and find someone who wants YOU, not what you can do for him.

If he didn't want to be responsible for children, he shouldn't have produced them. Their housing, etc., is between him and their mother.

Exactly this. Remember, any crisis that arises is NOT yours to solve.

(Would he solve your problems for you? No.)

How does he struggle to look after two teen or tween kids x 3 days and himself????
What does he struggle with?
He is looking to you to fix things and cater to him?

I agree..not fair.

Blimey-he’s shown his true colours here!

He doesn't have to rent for 4 or 5 more yrs, he can save and buy somewhere, a smaller place maybe but still. Does he have capitol from the sale of his previous family home?

I would not move a man and his DC into my home to the detriment of my own DC; all the DC may get on, but you'd be asking your DC to share their private spaces with what is effectively strangers.

My own parents (married 45 years) did this to me from about 8 with various relatives coming from abroad to stay at our house. It took me a long time to forgive them for it, particularly as they didn't ask (I'd have said no), and they also lied (they always said it was for a couple of weeks; one cousin stayed 2 years!).

He's shown his hand quickly, hasn't he? Can't even make an effort to try and talk you round - nope, he's come straight out with his agenda.

He wants a cheap place to live, and you to parent his kids.

Bin him off. This is not a decent man.

“ Am I being totally selfish? ”

A big, fat NO!

Basically, he has told you he doesn’t want to pay rent, doesn’t want to look after his children, doesn’t want to cook, clean, housework etc, and expect you to do all these. If he moves in, he’ll be a fully paid up member of the cocklodger society.

His rent, children, etc are NOT you responsibility.

it doesn’t matter if you’ll never ‘be ready’. There’s no obligation to move them in, now or in the future.

I think you may have dodged a bullet here.

I think you know the answer is it would be a disaster for him to move in.

Well at least you know where you stand here!

He wants you to support him financially and to share the burden of looking after his kids.

How unattractive.

You can do better OP. And thankfully I think you know that already.

His housing issues aren't your issues..
His dc aren't yours to raise..
His problems aren't yours.
Not after a year...
Not ever unless you really really want them to be..
Which you don't..

What’s so wrong with being selfish?

He’s putting himself and his kids first, why would you be wrong for putting yourself and your kids first?

Prioritise yourself, no one else will.

Seriously what a catch!!

wouldn’t it be lovely not to have to pay rent and have someone else do the cooking and cleaning and help with parenting??

be selfish OP! He can jog on if he doesn’t like it!

your kids need to be your priority!

If he struggles with 2 kids 3 nights a week how's he going to cope when there's 4 of them around.
Sounds like you're a great catch and he knows it, what's he bringing to the table

Adding 2 extra children to your household, for at least 3 nights per week, does not sound like much fun

Ridiculous plan. Think of your children. They share their private space with a non sibling? Honestly, just no. Buy a bigger house or extend. If you can't offer your DC their privacy just don't let partner move in.

"I simply wouldn’t trust him in my home."

You know the answer to this.

He won’t struggle as he’ll have 0 kids to cope with, 7 days a week, and OP with have all 4 to manage when his kids are there!

Step children's room gets divided. That's their room