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Original poster

Step son keeps walking in bedroom without knocking

158 replies

Toomuch80 · 02/07/2023 20:07

So, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years, he has 2 children youngest is a 12 year old boy. Over the 9 years despite the home rules being you knock on parents bedroom doors and wait to be asked to come in before entered he never will do this. Last night he walked in again and as it was hot I was naked in bed- this is not the first time - he has no respect for privacy and as much as he knows he shouldn't be doing it he continues- it's really frustrating me- I don't see why I should have to sleep with clothes on and he can't just listen and knock !
What is this about ?

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NewNameNigel · 02/07/2023 20:41

I'd be tempted to get a lock for the door.

Whataretheodds · 02/07/2023 20:42

Get a lock.
Tell the boy off.
Tell your partner.

Fiddlerdragon · 02/07/2023 20:42

So what was his punishment for breaking the rules and disrespecting you? I’d remove whatever devices he has for a week for every time he does it. I doubt he’d do it more than once

MossCow · 02/07/2023 20:48

I'd also get a lock. I've got teenage daughters and we all knock on each other's bedroom doors. It's a completely normal thing to do.

MeridianB · 02/07/2023 20:51

It’s weird and will only get weirder. You shouldn’t have to get a lock but it sounds like you need to.

You DP also needs to step up and ask him why he’s doing this, reiterate the rules, get him to apologise and then follow through on consequences if it happens again.

yogasaurus · 02/07/2023 21:06

Sounds like he’s trying to assert control.

Agree with PP; get a lock.

BHRK · 02/07/2023 21:08

My 11yo would do this, he’d just forget!
get a lock for the door, I really don’t think you need to punish him!

jolaylasofia · 03/07/2023 07:44

yes think it's on you to lock the door. i don't think anything weird going on. 12 year olds are just absent minded. Obviously still ask him to knock and wait and try and reinforce this.

IceCreamQueen86 · 03/07/2023 07:48

despite the home rules being you knock on parents bedroom doors and wait to be asked to come in before entered

  1. Get a lock
  2. You should be knocking on his door too & modelling the behaviour you want. A 12 year old boy also needs privacy
CornishGem1975 · 03/07/2023 09:29

My SC had a habit of this. I just yell I'M NAKED, as soon as I hear footsteps and that soon gets rid of them.

GoodnightJude1 · 03/07/2023 09:33

I presume he spends time at his mums? Is he allowed to just walk in to her room there?
It can be tricky when there are different sets of rules in different houses but at 12 I’d expect him to understand that you don’t just walk in to your parents bedroom without knocking.
my DS 13 is quite forgetful (unless it’s something to do with football) but he’d never just walk in to our bedroom without knocking (or texting 🙄) first!

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 21:58

This is exactly what I say needs to happen.
I have had the conversation again with partner to lay my privacy boundaries down and the things you have mentioned.
I have complete and utter respect for his privacy-it feels very much like a act of control or something quite strange ....I don't like it at all not after 9 years surely he gets it by now

OP posts:
Original poster
Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 21:59

I don't have enough time to shout I'm naked , he's like a ninja ....like he's creeping up to the door and before you know it he's in the room !

OP posts:
yogasaurus · 03/07/2023 22:03

Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 21:59

I don't have enough time to shout I'm naked , he's like a ninja ....like he's creeping up to the door and before you know it he's in the room !

Do you think he’s doing it on purpose?

I would just install a lock myself at this point, whether DP agrees or not.

TheCheeseTray · 03/07/2023 22:05

yogasaurus · 03/07/2023 22:03

Do you think he’s doing it on purpose?

I would just install a lock myself at this point, whether DP agrees or not.

Show quote history

Sounds like he is doing it deliberately - lock the door

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 03/07/2023 22:07

The MN anti-stepchild mafia is out in force; soon someone will tell you to call the police 😅.

Guiltypleasures001 · 03/07/2023 22:08

Get a rubber wedge to put under the door your side
Sorted no drilling or locks

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 22:10

Yes I do
I think its a control or humiliation tactic to force me out of the house.
I do not live here permanently however I am here most of the time- I feel he is trying to make me feel uncomfortable so I don't come round here at all- we have a good relationship but he's obsessed with his father in a unhealthy way- I always give them all the time in the world to do dad and son things and they do that alot but as soon as his dad sits by me or gives me any attention he sulks and starts misbehaving etc
It's an odd set up- and alot due to poor parenting I believe even though I've tried to address it multiple times he has a conversation with him and within 4 weeks it reverts back to how it was
Today I have said the next time he enters the bedroom without knocking and waiting I will tell him off and take his xbox for 1 week .....we shall see

OP posts:
Alyso · 03/07/2023 22:10

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wildfirewonder · 03/07/2023 22:12

Kids do just forget - I would assume it is not a rule in his mum's house so he just forgets at yours? He will at some point - likely very soon given he is 12 - grow up into more teenage embarrassment and die inside if he sees you naked/in pants.

Don't assume it is something sinister, usually kids are just a bit gormless. Do something to fix it. You just need one of those little hooks, you don't even need a lock.

wildfirewonder · 03/07/2023 22:14

I think its a control or humiliation tactic to force me out of the house. Hmm This makes you sound nuts.

GiraffeLaSophie · 03/07/2023 22:15

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 03/07/2023 22:07

The MN anti-stepchild mafia is out in force; soon someone will tell you to call the police 😅.

It’s not exactly unreasonable to not want a 12 year old boy wandering into your room unannounced, is it?

Either he can’t remember a very simple rule (one he’s had 9 years to get the hang of) or he’s doing it on purpose. Both are quite worrying.

InceyWinceySpidy · 03/07/2023 22:15

@Toomuch80 what's he continually coming into your room for? What's he looking for in there?

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 22:16

I don't believe it does - this is one example of many things that happen so I feel very warranted in stating this

OP posts:
Whoiscomingtosaveyou · 03/07/2023 22:16

Just get a lock .
Taking away the Xbox for a week is a pointless confrontation.
Choose your battles.