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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son keeps walking in bedroom without knocking

158 replies

Toomuch80 · 02/07/2023 20:07

So, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years, he has 2 children youngest is a 12 year old boy. Over the 9 years despite the home rules being you knock on parents bedroom doors and wait to be asked to come in before entered he never will do this. Last night he walked in again and as it was hot I was naked in bed- this is not the first time - he has no respect for privacy and as much as he knows he shouldn't be doing it he continues- it's really frustrating me- I don't see why I should have to sleep with clothes on and he can't just listen and knock !
What is this about ?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
pillsthrillsandbellyache · 05/07/2023 14:02

MisschiefMaker · 04/07/2023 13:19

I used to wonder how so many men turn out so awful. Then I read threads like this and it's obvious. Such shockingly low standards of male behaviour.
The boy is TWELVE. Not three. He's experiencing puberty. He knows better. The DH needs to have a serious chat about boundaries. It's been doing the big a big disservice that he hasn't nipped this in the bud already.

And yes, put a bolt on the door but be clear to your DH that you shouldn't have to and that the onus is on him and his DS to change his behaviour, it shouldn't be on you.

This. Such low expectations posters have for their sons.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/07/2023 15:13

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 05/07/2023 14:02

This. Such low expectations posters have for their sons.

Show quote history

Indeed. Twelve is plenty old enough to understand the importance of a respecting a private space.

The OP should not have to wear pyjamas to facilitate this behaviour. Bedrooms are private spaces and as such both parties need to agree to accept this behaviour or not, not just one.

The father needs to address with this his son and stop the invasion of privacy. If the boy has general emotional and attachment problems then the father needs to step up and find the appropriate help.

What isn't reasonable is for this to be allowed to continue and teach yet another boy that private spaces are his by right.

everybodytidy · 05/07/2023 15:56

yogasaurus · 02/07/2023 21:06

Sounds like he’s trying to assert control.

Agree with PP; get a lock.

I cannot eye roll enough at this comment.

He'll be forgetting. Don't punish him

NewNameNigel · 05/07/2023 16:07

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 05/07/2023 14:02

This. Such low expectations posters have for their sons.

Show quote history

I agree with this.
He is 12 not 2. I can imagine forgetting once but surely catching an eyeful of your nude step mother would be enough of a shock to remember unless he is hoping for another one.

It is no wonder men don't respect women's boundaries as adults if people think its fine for their 12 year old sons to ignore their step mothers boundaries about something as simple as knocking on a door.

yogasaurus · 05/07/2023 16:29

NewNameNigel · 05/07/2023 16:07

I agree with this.
He is 12 not 2. I can imagine forgetting once but surely catching an eyeful of your nude step mother would be enough of a shock to remember unless he is hoping for another one.

It is no wonder men don't respect women's boundaries as adults if people think its fine for their 12 year old sons to ignore their step mothers boundaries about something as simple as knocking on a door.

Show quote history

Agreed. Also think that some of the posters are projecting at the thought of a stepmother standing up for herself.

wildfirewonder · 05/07/2023 17:47

HebeMumsnet · 05/07/2023 12:29

Afternoon, all. Just a request to keep posts to answering the OP's question. This thread seems to have gone a bit off the rails into discussions about what constitutes a 'stepmum' and it seems a bit unfair on the OP that that discussion is derailing things. Could we draw a line under all that now? Thanks! Flowers

It has also got significantly derailed by people making disgusting remarks that a 12yo child is behaving in a sexually predatory way, but that is apparently fine.

Some of the comments about this child are really awful.

Notamum12345577 · 05/07/2023 18:38

wildfirewonder · 05/07/2023 12:15

The stepmum is old and has a position of responsibility.

Sexualising boys is no more acceptable than sexualising girls. What you are saying is gross.

Show quote history

I wasn’t sexualising him! I was just commenting on what the boy (who is 12 so could well have sorted puberty) may be thinking. The OP doesn’t state her age, she could well be in her late 20s/early 30s.

NewNameNigel · 05/07/2023 18:54

wildfirewonder · 05/07/2023 17:47

It has also got significantly derailed by people making disgusting remarks that a 12yo child is behaving in a sexually predatory way, but that is apparently fine.

Some of the comments about this child are really awful.

Show quote history

I remember 12 year old boys acting in a sexually predatory way when I was at school. Pinging bra straps, groping, pulling up skirts etc. The girls all hated it but knew not to bother telling as the adults would excuse their behaviour. It seems that not much as changed.

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