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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son keeps walking in bedroom without knocking

158 replies

Toomuch80 · 02/07/2023 20:07

So, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years, he has 2 children youngest is a 12 year old boy. Over the 9 years despite the home rules being you knock on parents bedroom doors and wait to be asked to come in before entered he never will do this. Last night he walked in again and as it was hot I was naked in bed- this is not the first time - he has no respect for privacy and as much as he knows he shouldn't be doing it he continues- it's really frustrating me- I don't see why I should have to sleep with clothes on and he can't just listen and knock !
What is this about ?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
wildfirewonder · 03/07/2023 23:14

2bazookas · 03/07/2023 23:09

do you live there? If you're just a visitor I'd say he'sdeliberately reminding you it's his home not yours.

I'd be very tempted to get out of bed stark naked, pursue him to his room and embarrass the hell out of him.

That would be an extremely inappropriate thing for an adult to do to a child. Really inappropriate as in good luck when he says at school 'my dad's girlfriend chases me round the house in the nude'.

Bbq1 · 03/07/2023 23:20

BHRK · 02/07/2023 21:08

My 11yo would do this, he’d just forget!
get a lock for the door, I really don’t think you need to punish him!

This

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/07/2023 23:21

Shoemadlady · 03/07/2023 23:02

Predatory??! He’s 12. He probably hasn’t even hit puberty yet.

We have all read and watched news of issues and some have been unfortunate to have been on the receiving end of inappropriate behaviour. Yes by a 12 year old or even younger.

He’s known op since he was 3. She’s old enough to be his mother and it sounds as if she takes on a stepmum role. It is highly unlikely to be predatory behaviour.

Janedoe82 · 03/07/2023 23:30

This is nuts. He is only twelve and he has no memory of you not being around. My kids wouldn’t ever think to knock- just dander on in.
you sound like he is just a massive inconvenience. Have you any children of your own?

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 23:35

He us certainly not an inconvenience to me, never has been let's remember I'm asking for privacy in an adults bedroom- just simple manners of knocking and being respectful - you deeming I believe he's a massive inconvenience due to this does not make sense at all

Yes I have 2 older children-

OP posts:
Janedoe82 · 03/07/2023 23:38

I just find it a bit weird when he is still obviously a child. My kids are older and we still sleep with bedroom door open so we can hear them during the night.

SheilaFentiman · 03/07/2023 23:45

My 15 and 13 year old DSs sometimes forget to knock, though they know they should. I don’t think it’s necessarily on purpose.

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 23:52

There's no sometimes about this it's everytime- and you don't even hear him it's very stealth

OP posts:
ZairWazAnOldLady · 03/07/2023 23:58

You can reduce the stealth element. Make it impossible to get to your door without making noise.

JFDIYOLO · 04/07/2023 00:05

Lock.

You also have something of a DP/DH problem.

ChittyBangabang · 04/07/2023 00:06

My step son used to come in our bedroom at that age and I was naked under the covers. He couldn't see me so made no difference!

He'd come in, ask what he wanted or chat etc then wander off.

No big deal.

Are you sprawled naked on the bed?

caringcarer · 04/07/2023 00:59

Put a bolt on the bedroom door. It's not hard to do and if DH won't do it for you just fo it yourself.

Frogpond · 04/07/2023 01:41

Is there a reason you can’t just put a lock on the door?

JingsMahBucket · 04/07/2023 06:40

Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 23:52

There's no sometimes about this it's everytime- and you don't even hear him it's very stealth

@Toomuch80 this sounds really creepy and predatory.

HairyKitty · 04/07/2023 06:48

@Toomuch80 if you/partner are restating the boundaries, have you actually stated them to the child? It will have much much more impact if the Dad tells him and takes the action rather than you.

Can you see why it’s a problem if your partner refuses to do this? It would mean he literally considers his son king of the house and he doesn’t mind if his son sees you naked.

Does he appreciate that it’s inevitable son will walk in during sex one day? For this reason I would have a lock for occasional use.

GoodChat · 04/07/2023 06:54

Does he know you don't live there all the time?
Why do you force 'family bonding' rather than just letting them have time with their dad.

Simonjt · 04/07/2023 06:59

So you don’t live with his Dad, but when it’s his days to spend quality time with his Dad you decide to stay in the house too to be there for it? Living between two homes is tough for children, having a temporary house partner pop up in your second come as a child is even tougher.

SheilaFentiman · 04/07/2023 07:02

Having read more, I don’t think a lock solves OP’s problem as the boy is coming in after they have gone to bed or first thing in the morning. If we have sex, I lock the door but unlock before sleep for fire safety or so a child that is ill could still get in.

Ragwort · 04/07/2023 07:03

Why are you avoiding the question about where you live when you are not with your DP? Do you have your own home (where do your DC live?). Maybe you just need to stop sleeping over so frequently. Give your DP and his DS some space (you clearly like your own space ...).

And not many parents choose to sleep naked when they've got teenage boys at home.

SheilaFentiman · 04/07/2023 07:06

It’s true, I don’t sleep naked, though DH does - he would usually be under the covers if one of the boys forgets to knock though.

Hibiscrubbed · 04/07/2023 07:11

wildfirewonder · 03/07/2023 22:23

Presumably when you are not there he has a nicer time, because he is able to just talk to his dad without the grumpy naked woman in the room?!

You surely understand it can be quite shit for kids when the girlfriend spoils the fun?

Show quote history

FFS, what’s the matter with you? Your posts are shitty and offer nothing useful.

mrssunshinexxx · 04/07/2023 07:33

He's a child! Just get a lock

RedHelenB · 04/07/2023 07:33

Toomuch80 · 03/07/2023 22:27

I'm.not his girlfriend I'm the child's stepmum, as I've said we have a good relationship and if I choose to.sleep naked in a.private adult room thats up to me especially when it's hot, manners and boundaries are good for children- unfair comment you are entitled to it

You are the girlfriend if it's not your house that you live in all the time and you're not married. HTH.

RedHelenB · 04/07/2023 07:34

Frogpond · 04/07/2023 01:41

Is there a reason you can’t just put a lock on the door?

Yes, its not her house.

BCBird · 04/07/2023 07:38

Get dad to tell him