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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Step son keeps walking in bedroom without knocking

158 replies

Toomuch80 · 02/07/2023 20:07

So, I have been in a relationship with my partner for 9 years, he has 2 children youngest is a 12 year old boy. Over the 9 years despite the home rules being you knock on parents bedroom doors and wait to be asked to come in before entered he never will do this. Last night he walked in again and as it was hot I was naked in bed- this is not the first time - he has no respect for privacy and as much as he knows he shouldn't be doing it he continues- it's really frustrating me- I don't see why I should have to sleep with clothes on and he can't just listen and knock !
What is this about ?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 11:03

Interesting that on another thread boys not much younger than this are "little children"- but this child is a potential abuser.
OP. Put some pyjamas on.

MostlyBlueberryFlavoured · 04/07/2023 11:07

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 11:03

Interesting that on another thread boys not much younger than this are "little children"- but this child is a potential abuser.
OP. Put some pyjamas on.

But that would curtail her options for demonising her stepson!

bussteward · 04/07/2023 11:20

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 07:53

Not the main point- but I don't get the sleeping naked when there are children in the house thing. What if someone throws up or has a nightmare? What if you just need to go to the loo in the night?

Dressing gowns exist for a reason.

sashh · 04/07/2023 11:22

Get a wedge so he can't open it.

I'd be tempted to take his door away, if he can't respect your privacy why should you respect his?

GoodChat · 04/07/2023 11:29

sashh · 04/07/2023 11:22

Get a wedge so he can't open it.

I'd be tempted to take his door away, if he can't respect your privacy why should you respect his?

Well that sounds borderline abusive

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 04/07/2023 11:30

No not at all
I am asked by both partner and step son to be there even when I say I will stay at home for them to be alone and spend time together.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 11:31

I'm assuming the boy's father wouldn't want to lock his bedroom door against his children. Neither would I.

Original poster
Toomuch80 · 04/07/2023 11:34

Let's clarify something here, I have not made any comments that are derogatory towards my step son, I posted to ask for advice about the situation then demonising comments come through - completely unacceptable- but as I've said you are entitled to your own opinion thats why I posted on there for all the views of everyone

OP posts:
GoodChat · 04/07/2023 11:35

Toomuch80 · 04/07/2023 11:30

No not at all
I am asked by both partner and step son to be there even when I say I will stay at home for them to be alone and spend time together.

So say "no, I'm going home as I can have privacy there"

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 04/07/2023 11:41

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 11:03

Interesting that on another thread boys not much younger than this are "little children"- but this child is a potential abuser.
OP. Put some pyjamas on.

Quite.
But let's not forget that on MN, every stepchild/mother/father is a twisted pervert whilst biological mothers of boys insist on the "rights" of their lads to use women's spaces until they're about 24.

CatsSnore · 04/07/2023 11:43

It sounds so silly but actually not being able to sleep as you want too, not walk around in your pants, not iron your t-shirt wearing your jeans and bra, it's another sacrifice in the name of someone elses children. I absolutely loved it when exh and his son moved out. Freedom!!

With the toilet door thing. I'd make it a joke, ooo dss, so nice to see and smell you pooing again.. I wonder if it's because he feels left out whenever there is a shut door! The shut door is a theme right now op!

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 04/07/2023 11:45

Toomuch80 · 04/07/2023 11:34

Let's clarify something here, I have not made any comments that are derogatory towards my step son, I posted to ask for advice about the situation then demonising comments come through - completely unacceptable- but as I've said you are entitled to your own opinion thats why I posted on there for all the views of everyone

"think its a control or humiliation tactic to force me out of the house"

Every single thing you have said about your partner's son belies your denial about your feelings.

Including the bizarre fact that at 12 you think he's going through early puberty (to perhaps reinforce your attempt at inferring he's trying to get a cop of your tits?) At 12 it's not early puberty. Far from it.

Caradonna · 04/07/2023 12:06

At 12 it's not early puberty. Far from it.

My DS played rugby at that age and younger some lads were starting puberty - thickened muscles, growth spurt, always got picked for the team!

MyTruthIsOut · 04/07/2023 12:07

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 04/07/2023 11:45

"think its a control or humiliation tactic to force me out of the house"

Every single thing you have said about your partner's son belies your denial about your feelings.

Including the bizarre fact that at 12 you think he's going through early puberty (to perhaps reinforce your attempt at inferring he's trying to get a cop of your tits?) At 12 it's not early puberty. Far from it.

Show quote history

OP only said that because another poster had posted and said that his behaviour wouldn’t be anything predatory as at 12 years old the boy probably hadn’t even entered puberty yet.

Whereas I imagine a very large portion of boys who are aged 12 are entering/already in puberty and are certainly getting interested in sex and sexuality.

Not to say that’s what is going on here obviously, but OP was just responding to a previous post because no doubt she’s very aware that 12 year olds boys are usually not innocent beings.

DreamItDoIt · 04/07/2023 12:10

The problem with these threads is that we cannot get an idea of how the stepson is actually acting. Body language, expression etc.

The fact the OP has said it's 'stealth like' and he keeps doing it would point to the fact that he knows what he is doing and is doing it purposely despite being told not to and despite OP and the father modelling correct behaviour around respect for personal space is nit normal behaviour. If he 'forgot' he would quickly apologise and exit the room and would shut the toilet door. Who goes to the loo with the door open - I bet he doesn't do that at school.

A 12 year old neurotypical child does not go to the loo with the door open.

Put a lock on the door and tell DP he needs to step up and do all childcare, laundry etc for his DC until he starts ti show some respect.

ZairWazAnOldLady · 04/07/2023 12:10

Well it doesn’t matter if OP doesn’t want him in the room when she’s in bed she is allowed to say so and her partner should be making sure it happens

ItsNotWhatItsNot · 04/07/2023 12:12

How often is the kid at his fathers house? If it’s not full time, just visit your boyfriend when his kid isn’t there.

ItsNotWhatItsNot · 04/07/2023 12:16

‘I am asked by both partner and step son to be there even when I say I will stay at home for them to be alone and spend time together.’

just say ‘no thanks, you two can spend proper time together’. Not married, don’t live together, no need to get bogged down in the mans parenting. This is a good thing!

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 12:40

@ZairWazAnOldLady "Well it doesn’t matter if OP doesn’t want him in the room when she’s in bed she is allowed to say so and her partner should be making sure it happens"

Not saying you're wrong- but why does what she wants take precedence?

ZairWazAnOldLady · 04/07/2023 13:07

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 12:40

@ZairWazAnOldLady "Well it doesn’t matter if OP doesn’t want him in the room when she’s in bed she is allowed to say so and her partner should be making sure it happens"

Not saying you're wrong- but why does what she wants take precedence?

Because it’s her bedroom and her body.

GoodChat · 04/07/2023 13:08

Because it’s her bedroom

It's not

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 13:09

@ZairWazAnOldLady "Because it’s her bedroom and her body."

It's their bedroom and she can put pyjamas on.

CatsSnore · 04/07/2023 13:11

She doesn't have to put pyjamas on because a 12 yr old won't knock. She isn't in his room, or a shared room like the living room! Ffs!

CatsSnore · 04/07/2023 13:12

The entitlement of some people!

CurlewKate · 04/07/2023 13:17

@CatsSnore "She doesn't have to put pyjamas on because a 12 yr old won't knock. She isn't in his room, or a shared room like the living room! Ffs!"

She doesn't have to, I agree. Nobody has to do anything.