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Original poster

Dreaded WILL conversation

160 replies

pippanda · 01/06/2023 19:18

My DP and I have been meaning to sort out wills out since we bought the house 3 years ago. We now have a 1yr old and he is off to sea in a couple of months so really needs to get it sorted. DP had a daughter who's 10 from a previous so we decided we will do separate Wills instead of a joint as he had his other daughter to consider too. Obviously we have to come to an agreement with what we do with our joint asset of the house. Both of us have life insurance that will pay the house off in the event of our deaths and the house will go to the other one. The problem arose when we spoke about what happens after we both die. In my head three quarters will go to our DD with a quarter going to SD.

However... during this conversation DP thought this was unfair and said as my half would go to DD that his whole half should go to SD... I'm sorry what? In my opinion they are both his daughters so they should have half of his assets each, However I only have one DD in this and I want to protect her assets! And she will inherit of her own mum! This house will also be her childhood home. SD stays with us every other weekend but her home home is with her mum. Am I being unreasonable? Why should our DD receive less of her dad and her sister receive more just because she will be inheriting off me and SD won't? It makes no sense to me but don't know if I'm missing something?

Anyone else I know in a similar situation hasn't even approached the situation of wills yet as they know it will cause murders. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What was your solution?

Also I know this is very morbid apologies xx

OP posts:
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candlesflamesandbrooms · 03/06/2023 00:10

@Judgyjudgy I mean I have to say your post is coming across like there's some type of rule book to step families that we all have to follow.

I believe what @Yousee has out makes sense. The problem is people forget there's two mums in this dynamic. Not one.
One child doesn't get more than another and dad doesn't need to even in his grave a apology for having another child with a different women.

candlesflamesandbrooms · 03/06/2023 00:11

Agh ffs

Give**

Excuse multiple typos - teething baby

Chunkychips23 · 04/06/2023 09:24

My DP and I are tenants in common. The house transfers across to the other upon one’s death. If we both die, his half goes to his kids and my half goes to my family. I’m now currently pregnant, so once my child is born, my half upon DP’s death will then go to my child.

He has three kids from a previous marriage, so his share is currently set to be divided up between them. He will be adding our shared child onto to that, so will be split four ways.

And no, it’s not unfair to his previous kids having to share his half. His exW comes from an incredibly wealthy family, so they’ll never be in a position where they are destitute.

adviceneeded1990 · 04/06/2023 18:50

pippanda · 01/06/2023 19:18

My DP and I have been meaning to sort out wills out since we bought the house 3 years ago. We now have a 1yr old and he is off to sea in a couple of months so really needs to get it sorted. DP had a daughter who's 10 from a previous so we decided we will do separate Wills instead of a joint as he had his other daughter to consider too. Obviously we have to come to an agreement with what we do with our joint asset of the house. Both of us have life insurance that will pay the house off in the event of our deaths and the house will go to the other one. The problem arose when we spoke about what happens after we both die. In my head three quarters will go to our DD with a quarter going to SD.

However... during this conversation DP thought this was unfair and said as my half would go to DD that his whole half should go to SD... I'm sorry what? In my opinion they are both his daughters so they should have half of his assets each, However I only have one DD in this and I want to protect her assets! And she will inherit of her own mum! This house will also be her childhood home. SD stays with us every other weekend but her home home is with her mum. Am I being unreasonable? Why should our DD receive less of her dad and her sister receive more just because she will be inheriting off me and SD won't? It makes no sense to me but don't know if I'm missing something?

Anyone else I know in a similar situation hasn't even approached the situation of wills yet as they know it will cause murders. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What was your solution?

Also I know this is very morbid apologies xx

I disagree with you both 😆 I’d just split everything 50/50 between both children of the family. Simple and avoids any stress/squabbles about favouritism between the sisters once you guys die 🙈

aSofaNearYou · 04/06/2023 19:39

I disagree with you both 😆 I’d just split everything 50/50 between both children of the family. Simple and avoids any stress/squabbles about favouritism between the sisters once you guys die 🙈

Blended families are not simple. They should all expect there to be "favouritism" between a step parent and their own children when it comes to inheritance.

adviceneeded1990 · 04/06/2023 19:43

aSofaNearYou · 04/06/2023 19:39

I disagree with you both 😆 I’d just split everything 50/50 between both children of the family. Simple and avoids any stress/squabbles about favouritism between the sisters once you guys die 🙈

Blended families are not simple. They should all expect there to be "favouritism" between a step parent and their own children when it comes to inheritance.

Not in all families. I have it spelled out in my will that my DSD should inherit equally to any biological children. So does her Step Dad. We’re all different.

Starseeking · 04/06/2023 20:32

When I was a DSM, I would have done what you suggest OP, and my DP would have done what your DH has suggested, as he looked at his DC and him as one entity, and me and our shared DC as another entity, despite all 3 being his SC.

He view was that as I'm well-off, my DC would receive loads and his "nothing", so he was trying to balance the books somewhat, forgetting that completely ignoring your own flesh and blood in your will tends to colour the DC view of their parent.

My ex DP's oldest was always golden DC, and as I didn't want our DC being treated as second best throughout their lives, this was one of the many reasons I left him.

Original poster
pippanda · 05/06/2023 16:22

Thank you to everyone who replied. There are too many responses to reply individually but I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond with advice and their own experiences. Lots of food for thought. We have agreed we will sit down with a solicitor and work through our options.

OP posts:
Bosabosa · 05/06/2023 16:59

That is good to hear, good luck OP

Toooldtoworry · 05/06/2023 20:33

It is so difficult. DH and I have 5 children from previous relationships. I put all the deposit into the house we live in but DH is on the mortgage and we own the property as joint tenants. Our will have very specific instructions but maybe we should switch to TIC when remortgage is due and leave to our children our own share with lifetime interest to the survivor.

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