Dreaded WILL conversation

[pippanda]

My DP and I have been meaning to sort out wills out since we bought the house 3 years ago. We now have a 1yr old and he is off to sea in a couple of months so really needs to get it sorted. DP had a daughter who's 10 from a previous so we decided we will do separate Wills instead of a joint as he had his other daughter to consider too. Obviously we have to come to an agreement with what we do with our joint asset of the house. Both of us have life insurance that will pay the house off in the event of our deaths and the house will go to the other one. The problem arose when we spoke about what happens after we both die. In my head three quarters will go to our DD with a quarter going to SD.

However... during this conversation DP thought this was unfair and said as my half would go to DD that his whole half should go to SD... I'm sorry what? In my opinion they are both his daughters so they should have half of his assets each, However I only have one DD in this and I want to protect her assets! And she will inherit of her own mum! This house will also be her childhood home. SD stays with us every other weekend but her home home is with her mum. Am I being unreasonable? Why should our DD receive less of her dad and her sister receive more just because she will be inheriting off me and SD won't? It makes no sense to me but don't know if I'm missing something?

Anyone else I know in a similar situation hasn't even approached the situation of wills yet as they know it will cause murders. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What was your solution?

Also I know this is very morbid apologies xx

I agree with you, each child inherits from their parents.

I totally get what your saying , however you cannot force him to split 'his half'.

It's completely up to him if he puts his half in SDs name.

I’m more concerned about your 1yr old going off to sea in a couple of months!

I agree with you. You each separate your assets. Your DD gets 100% of your assets plus 50% of her father’s assets plus part of her mothers assets.

Have you pointed out to him that if he dies your dd together will have nothing from him?

So say he dies - you survive.

His half of the house goes direct to you? You do as you please. Neither daughter may get anything.

His half of the house is in trust for his dd. You do as you please, spend all your money and share of the house or some loser called Derek with an expensive cars habit. You die. His daughter has her share safe. Your dd together gets nothing.

And it's not morbid, it's essential.

You also need to agree who gets the kid. A moot point now but his daughter could be in her twenties when your child needs a guardian. Would you want it to be her half sister?

😂😂 after a full day at work I should have proof read my post!

I’m more concerned about your 1yr old going off to sea in a couple of months!

😂 where is the 1 year old actually going?

My 1yr old isn't going anywhere 😂😂 DP is going to sea 🤣🤣

I agree with you and that's exactly what we've done. Took me a while to explain it to DH though so he realised his DD wasn't being unfairly treated. As I explained to him she will also get 100% of her Mum's inheritance.

So he's disinheriting his year-old daughter? Charming. Wouldn't even be legal where I live.

Agree it should be your child or children inherit from you and the same for his. So your joint DD gets 3/4 of your joint estate

I agree with you OP, but as another poster said, you can't make him do anything. If you die and he inherits your assets then he can leave them to whoever he likes in his will. If you're concerned, perhaps talk to a solicitor about leaving your assets in trust for your DD?

Has he got life insurance? Pension? You really do need to do this properly and at the very least read up on estate planning and step children.

I can understand where both you and your DH are coming from, but I think I have most sympathy with his side of things tbh. He wants both his children to be provided for equally and it’s irrelevant that your dsd only stays eow and the home you live in will be your dds childhood home. The children who belong to your family, which is both of them, should be treated the same imo.

I have 1 SDC and 3 shared with DH. We decided the most important thing was that whatever happened after we died that they felt it was fair. I'm in reality the only way to really do that is to split everything equally. I agreed many years ago that should he die before me that I would always treat his son as one of mine despite the fact him having mother.
At the end of the day the money isn't important It's the sense of being equally loved.

Sorry for the typos!

Sorry, missed that you both have life insurance. You do need to look at trusts.

The whole point of this post is about protecting my daughters assets and that's what you would take from it? I'd have to be a pretty horrible human. Everything I do is for her and her future.

Our DD would go to either my parents or my best friend if they are gone at that point.

Exactly the same situation here, but I have 2 SDs and one son. We joint own our home. Our wills state:

My half goes entirely to my son.
His half goes equally between his three children.

However, if he dies first, I have the right to remain in my house for as long as I wish. My SDs will not be able to push me to move to get their share. If I don't decide to move/downsize or whatever, then they have to wait until I die to get their money 😂

What we've done is fairly common practice with bended families and most solicitors will recommend it.

I agree that your DHs half should be shared equally between all his children. But at the end of the day, you can't force him...

It's still upsets my lovely dad that he is (pretty lovely) stepmother didn't leave him the same amount as she left her son. Even though they were in their 60s when she died. It stung.

I should have added...

Explain to you DP that his daughter will also inherit from her mother, whereas your DD will only inherit from one home.

What is fair isn't always equal!

His view isn’t fair but you probably won’t be able to shake it.

My partner and I have discussed how our shares of our home will be owned - tenants in common. My child will inherit my half, his children will inherit his. Any future joint child will inherit from both. There will be stipulation that the bereaved spouse can remain in the property until death or cohabitation with another/remarriage.

I wouldn’t purchase a home with him if he didn’t agree. This isn’t a criticism of you, I’ve worked in the legal field and have been burned Co-owning property before so wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.

There's no guarantee his DD will inherit from her mother. Her mother might need care in old age and have to sell everything.

I understand how upsetting this must be for you. It's like all his money and love must go to his first DD. Have you pointed out to him that's likely what your dd will think when she's older if he does not split his assets equally between his DD's. I know a family that this happened to, again the father left his half of the house to his elder son with wife having lifetime enjoyment of it. After the father died and the younger son found out he refused to speak to his older step brother anymore. He got depressed and had to have therapy to help him come to terms with it. He told his Mum he knows his Dad never loved him. Your solution is much fairer because his eldest DD could also inherit from her Mum and possibly maternal grandparents too. I'd be so upset if my dh said he would do this. I'd consider it a deal breaker if DH excluded our DC in favour of his older child. There is just no excuse for treating children unequally and will leave a life long scar on them. I'd divorce him rather than let that happen.

Because my partner is the main earner and we have three young children, we’ve just left everything to each other for the time being. DP has arranged an insurance policy whereby his maintenance is paid out still.

If DP goes first then I’ve given my DC a majority and a percentage goes to DSC as their mum is wealthy. And, my DC would be orphaned in that instance. DP has split his equally between all his DC if I go first.

DP would prefer it all split equally but I can disregard what DSC will inherit from their mum. IMO that needs to be taken into account. If she were to suddenly disown her kids then I would re-evaluate things.