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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dont want ss to come on holiday

113 replies

dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:27

Is there any possible way of making this happen? He's 15 and just.... a lot!

Im really not here for all the evil stepmum drama i just need some sort of excuse without saying no kids as ours are going.

No to honesty, im sure he will stop being like this in a couple of years but honestly i just dont want to spend my 1 holiday of the year with him, it will be miserable!

OP posts:
openstop · 28/05/2023 19:22

Let him stay at your house and have a massive house party

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 28/05/2023 19:37

OP, I say this as a step-mum. There's no "excuse" barring a 'no-children" one that is NOT going to cause further angst and hurt. I get it. I really really do. I remember a holiday where one child really seemed to have it in for me. Every day was a challenge. But it's what you sign up to. If it was your own child who was being a terror would you be contemplating a reason not to take them? If yes, then use the same reason. But you can't opt out especially if your DH is not up for excluding his own child.

Your question is, what excuse can you use? All will cause hurt so just go with the truth if you're determined for this SS not to come.

PurpleParrots · 28/05/2023 19:43

Hoppingmad231 · 28/05/2023 19:21

Doesn't matter!!! He is also dh responsibility imagine every parent just fu##ed their child off when they become a bit difficult.

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It matters to OP. For whatever reason her DSS will make a holiday a living nightmare. If he is going on holiday with his mother OP is entitled to take her D.C. on holiday with her. They all get one holiday. Nobody gets left out.

choccytime · 28/05/2023 19:56

You re being cruel

Hoppingmad231 · 28/05/2023 20:05

@PurpleParrots but he will be left out he has just as much right to holiday with HIS dad as the other children do.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2023 20:12

Go without your husband. You and your kids can have a nice holiday and DH can do something different with his older son, or not, up to him.

Hellno45 · 28/05/2023 20:21

I think you should let him invite a friend. He's less likely to be a dick of his friend is around. He'll also have company.

PurpleParrots · 28/05/2023 20:25

Hoppingmad231 · 28/05/2023 20:05

@PurpleParrots but he will be left out he has just as much right to holiday with HIS dad as the other children do.

So what if OP says “That’s it! We are not going on holiday until he’s an adult and doesn’t have to come with us”. Then DSS holidays every year with his mother. Who misses out then?

My DH has 4 D.C. with his ex. I had 3 with my ex. We had 1 together and adopted my sisters DS.

We took them all on a short break in the UK every year. Summer holidays abroad we took the D.C. who lived with us. DH’s ex took the D.C. who lived with her.

Everyone had a holiday. Everyone was happy. Nobody lost out.

PurpleParrots · 28/05/2023 20:27

His father can take him camping, without anyone else, if he feels the need.

Sometimeswinning · 28/05/2023 20:32

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2023 20:12

Go without your husband. You and your kids can have a nice holiday and DH can do something different with his older son, or not, up to him.

Nah. Go with your dh and make him promise dss a weekend away together. Ignore the old you married him blah blah. It's down to your dh to sort things. You only get the chance to be a parent to little ones once. Dss does not trump your children.

Daisydu · 28/05/2023 20:35

Are your kids much younger? We take our younger 2 away without our older kids from previous relationships, but it’s mainly because we do something suited to their age group, and then do a holiday with them also at another time of year. So if they are younger maybe that’s a reason?

SchoolTripDrama · 28/05/2023 20:36

You cannot cherry pick which kids come! How would you feel if your husband said he didn't want one of your kids to come? You'd be up in arms

Sometimeswinning · 28/05/2023 20:41

SchoolTripDrama · 28/05/2023 20:36

You cannot cherry pick which kids come! How would you feel if your husband said he didn't want one of your kids to come? You'd be up in arms

Course she can. If my dh said one of our kids couldn't come he'd be by himself. If we decided it wasn't the holiday for dss then we'd come up with a plan so dh could go away with him. Sorted!

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 28/05/2023 20:43

Without any information other than that you dislike him it’s impossible to help you to find a way of telling him that you dislike him don’t want him to go.

UWhatNow · 28/05/2023 20:50

Sometimes it’s the most unloveable children that need the most love. Behaviour is communication. What is his behaviour communicating to you? And why have you got the point where you and your DH as adults are running scared of spending time around a 15 year old child?

Someone has dropped a parenting ball there. Not your issue, I get it, but sticking your head in the sand and just excluding the lad is not going to help his behaviour and relationships in the future. Has anyone actually tried talking to him about his behaviour?

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/05/2023 20:52

And why have you got the point where you and your DH as adults are running scared of spending time around a 15 year old child?

His mum doesn’t sound like she enjoys his company either.

Livelovebehappy · 28/05/2023 20:55

Teens can be a PITA. And can be even more so when holidaying. That’s pretty normal teen behaviour. If you or Dh haven’t had experience of a teen, then maybe you need to lower your expectations. If it’s a big issue, the simple solution is just to go on holiday with your dcs, and your Dh can go away with his ds; spend quality time one on one, which probably never happens when he spends his time with you all during access/visitation. And could actually be one of the reasons he is so difficult.

User63847484848 · 28/05/2023 20:56

I’m not sure there is going to be any fake excuse anyone can come up with for you that would only apply to him and not the other kids, I’m afraid.

they can be difficult on holiday at that age. Does he actually want to come??
if not, is there an alternative your DH can arrange and pay for like an activity camp, PGL, Sailing camp holiday etc?

If he does want to come and an alternative isn’t an option then I think you’re best off asking advice for how to manage him. For example my 15yo has had years when she’s been tricky on holiday but having wifi, her having her own room, picking battles and not making her come on every excursion with us has all helped.

Augend23 · 28/05/2023 20:57

When's the holiday?

I tend to think sucking it up is really the only way, especially if you've already agreed to have him to stay with you that week.

But I imagine the least awkward way of excluding him would be to come up with a consequence of losing the holiday for something you think is likely to happen prior to the holiday?

Not saying I think it's a good idea, but I think it's the most practical.

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 28/05/2023 21:00

Sometimeswinning · 28/05/2023 20:32

Nah. Go with your dh and make him promise dss a weekend away together. Ignore the old you married him blah blah. It's down to your dh to sort things. You only get the chance to be a parent to little ones once. Dss does not trump your children.

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Equally, Her children do not trump DSS.

Lemieux3 · 28/05/2023 21:00

The OP won't come back because she didn't get the answers she was hoping for, namely 'poor you - of course you should abandon your step son who is, in fact the devil'

Sometimeswinning · 28/05/2023 21:06

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 28/05/2023 21:00

Equally, Her children do not trump DSS.

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They probably do for her.

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 28/05/2023 21:08

Sometimeswinning · 28/05/2023 21:06

They probably do for her.

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But they shouldn’t for her husband.

Sometimeswinning · 28/05/2023 21:10

Sianthomasisnothererightnow · 28/05/2023 21:08

But they shouldn’t for her husband.

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Yeah but he's not asking. It Sm's post.

OllyBJolly · 28/05/2023 21:32

I totally get this. I’ve been very tempted to leave my DC at the airport/at home/anywhere when they were teens! They could be a nightmare. But they were mine and I had to just get on with it.

You can’t not take him just because you don’t like him. At some point in the future, your own DC will be teens. You wouldn’t abandon them?