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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dont want ss to come on holiday

113 replies

dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:27

Is there any possible way of making this happen? He's 15 and just.... a lot!

Im really not here for all the evil stepmum drama i just need some sort of excuse without saying no kids as ours are going.

No to honesty, im sure he will stop being like this in a couple of years but honestly i just dont want to spend my 1 holiday of the year with him, it will be miserable!

OP posts:
YoSof · 28/05/2023 16:54

So if your child becomes a difficult teenager, would you make up an excuse to exclude them from a family holiday too?

Iwasafool · 28/05/2023 16:57

I must be a terrible mother but I remember 15 year old son going off on a school trip for a week and it was a holiday just not having him around.

He's a very nice adult.

CwmYoy · 28/05/2023 16:59

Just tell him he's not coming because he doesn't know how to behave. Of course you can exclude a lad making everyone miserable. Stupid to think about taking him.

Maybe he'll learn from some consequences for his behaviour.

Betterversionofme · 28/05/2023 17:01

Be honest with him about what you find difficult.
But! It is about you, not his behaviour. You can't blame him. You know that it's you because some other people, including very responsible adults, might not find him 'nightmare'.
At 15 teenagers are well on their journey of independence from parents and many don't want to spend a holiday with their parent regardless how well they get on. They might have better things to do. Girlfriend, boyfriend, spending time with friendship group, programming summer camp, adventure summer camp specifically for their age group, recording studio summer camp, lying around house doing nothing (resting before difficult year). Any number of things but without parents. Ask him. And support his interests.
If he wants to go for a holiday with you, his father and his siblings make it work. It's your and his father's responsibility to make it work. And don't blame a child. He feels your negativity.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 28/05/2023 17:06

dft2000 · 28/05/2023 16:37

@Lemieux3 im not demanding anything

If you dont want to answer what ive asked it's simple just dont ?

Going by your attitude when you respond to posters who don't bow down to you and kiss your feet, I'm truly not surprised your SS doesn't get on with you.

maryberryslayers · 28/05/2023 17:12

If it's because his behaviour is poor then I'd just be completely honest. Actions have consequences at his age.

'No DSS, your appalling behaviour means I don't want to spend a week on holiday with you, as it will ruin it for everyone else. Hopefully by next year you will have improved your behaviour and we can all have a nice family holiday together'

IncomingTraffic · 28/05/2023 17:18

I think you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here.

Are you willing to just not go on holiday at all if the alternative is a holiday with SS?

Or to do your own, separate from your husband, holiday with your children? Can you afford to do this yourself? Would you?

They seem to be your only real options here.

I wonder if the people asking the OP if she’d leave her teenager out of a holiday have difficult teenagers. I think many parents would decide not to take their obnoxious 15 year old abroad so they can ruin everyone’s holiday.

70sTomboy · 28/05/2023 17:27

Unless your DH is on board with you, you will just have to suck it up or cancel.
If he agrees with you, then just leave SS behind. But, SS may resent you, particularly if you take your DC.
We were left behind while DM and her partner went away as children. Just the two of them was fine. The only resentment came from taking his DC, but not us.

Floralys2 · 28/05/2023 17:31

This reply has been deleted

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BigFatLiar · 28/05/2023 17:33

Go when it isn't your partners time to have him so he stays with his mum.

Stripedbag101 · 28/05/2023 17:40

All I can suggest is go somewhere that he will hate - depending on your kids age peppa pig world?

but really no matter how bad he is you can’t exclude one child. How will you handle this when your kids are that age.

perhaps say he can only come if certain rules are obeyed?

Dontknownow86 · 28/05/2023 17:41

Ask him if he actually wants to come? Chances are if he keeps behaving badly he won't want to spend the weekend cooped up with dad and step mum etc. anyway.

Thrownbackinmyface · 28/05/2023 17:43

What are the specific behaviours that you struggle with ?

Has he been on holiday with you previously and there’s been a problem ?

openstop · 28/05/2023 17:45

Are your kids young enough for Peppa pig word? Tbh at 15 a lot of kids would rather stay at home anyway

IncomingTraffic · 28/05/2023 17:49

Stripedbag101 · 28/05/2023 17:40

All I can suggest is go somewhere that he will hate - depending on your kids age peppa pig world?

but really no matter how bad he is you can’t exclude one child. How will you handle this when your kids are that age.

perhaps say he can only come if certain rules are obeyed?

You can exclude one 15 year old who has been making everyone’s lives difficult. It’s an age where lots of families stop going on holidays with everyone in tow.

He might not want to go on anyway, but will end up dragged along because his dad wants a ‘family holiday’.

Smartiepants79 · 28/05/2023 17:50

There is absolutely no way that you can stop him from being included without causing no end of hurt and issues.
This one is entirely up to his father to deal with.
If he doesn’t want to take him then that’s on him but you can’t just drop one of your children.
It is a fair question to ask if you would do the same for one of your own kids? Would leave your own child at home because he was being a bit of a teenage pain? If not then the step child comes!

conniefused · 28/05/2023 17:54

I'm not usually one for the wicked stepparents stuff but you really are out of order op.

You said your dh doesn't want him to come either but he will allow it because it's his son and he knows how much hurt and upset it will cause if he doesn't. You are going to have to take the same approach and suck it up I'm afraid.

When your own dc are teens they will likely be shits as well. Will you stop them from coming on holidays? You can't opt out of parenting when it gets tough.

There is no answer to your initial question. There is no excuse you can give. So maybe try practicing a bit of patience and empathy.

Alongtimelonely · 28/05/2023 17:57

I was thinking PGL too. How old are your kids OP?

bellsandwhistles333 · 28/05/2023 17:57

Book it when you know he can't come if there's any times this would happen, or really just be honest and say his behaviour will ruin your holiday that you've worked hard for so you don't want to deal with teen drama then.

If dads firmly not on board then you go with your child with someone else?

IncomingTraffic · 28/05/2023 17:59

If it was just your kids and they were being nightmares, you’d probably decide not to bother going on a family holiday at all.

Genuinely, the assumption here that the SS even wants to go on a family holiday (presumably with much younger children involved). If money allows, it might be better to think about separating things out and potentially DH doing something different with SS at some point in the holidays. Maybe a weekend city break, or just some days out centred around SS’s needs.

ArcticSkewer · 28/05/2023 18:03

Do separate holidays so you take the younger ones somewhere and he has time with his dad. Or go somewhere where the younger kids go in creche/clubs, and he can go off with his dad and give you a rest. Or take the younger kids when he is away with his mum or on a school trip then his dad does something separate with him later.

MrsMiddleMother · 28/05/2023 18:03

Honestly it depends on the age of your children and type of holiday. Week to butlins for under 8s absolutely fine to exclude him, all inclusive 4* in Spain? Absolutely not. Unfortunately if he sulks you just go out and explore without him but he should go too

conniefused · 28/05/2023 18:07

Surely if the ss didn't want to go the op wouldn't be here asking for inspiration for good excuses to exclude him. They wouldn't need one as he doesn't want to go, they don't want him to go so everyone's happy.

The fact that she's asking for tips on how to avoid taking him tells me that he probably would want to go and they're trying to find ways to make it not happen 'without causing any upset'....yeah cos that's going to happen.

Mamette · 28/05/2023 18:08

You could see if he wanted to bring a fiend with him on the holiday.

I know it might sound counterintuitive- aargh 2 teenagers instead of one. But actually it would keep him from moping around and getting under your feet.