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Step-parenting

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Original poster

CMS and step family

318 replies

tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 07:45

I have NC for this post as I don't want my family to see it

I have one DD13 and split up with my ex when she was 3. Relations between me and my ex aren't great but got bit better since he remarried as his new wife and I get on alright with her.

He pays £500 per month and has her every Friday to Monday plus a evening or two for dinner in the week. He's not a high earner about 21k a year so we came to this arrangement privately which is fine as it tops up my benefits but money is tight and I can't up my hours at work (I'm part time) because then I get sanctioned on my benefits and I like having time off for me which as a mum I think is fair.

About 6 months ago my daughter told me that my ex's new wife is on a giant salary £65,000 a year ! My Dd found a work letter lying around addressed to his new wife and yes she shouldn't have snooped but teenagers are like that and it shouldn't have been left out so didn't tell my dd off for it.

It just really fucks me off that I'm stuck in a rented shitty flat while my ex lives in a massive house with new family and they are raking it in, playing happy families.

My friend said I should text my ex to say that maintenance needs to go up to include his new wife's salary and say that if he doesn't comply I will go to CMS and get her earnings attached or stop contact until he can provide for his daughter .

I know he will say they have just had a baby but that was his choice and I shouldn't suffer because of that. When we first split we agreed that we wouldn't have more kids so that we can put all of our time and energy into our DD and he's gone and done this so I don't have time for his selfishness or pity party.

The snag is his new wife is very nice to my DD has bought her whatever she needs or wants and always checks with me first before she does things, includes her in everything. Something my ex never did and it used to fuck me off.
Since they are now married and had another child she's clearly not going anywhere I think she has a financial responsibility to pay for DD now she's officially her "step mother".

She clearly does too as she was putting money in DD bank account for my daughter to spend. I have raised this with my ex before and got nowhere. I don't want her to suddenly stop being generous to my daughter but we actually could do with the money to pay for bills food and my daughter doesn't need the money. And it's not fair that they get to spoil my daughter and do lots of holidays trips away with her and I can't and I look like this shit parent.

I'm really struggling with costs going up and they both have helped me with bills in the past but I want something more regular in place so we don't have to scrap by or ask. I think his wife would be sympathetic if I explained it to her but I want to know my rights in case she digs her heels in.

AIBU

OP posts:
Ladyzfactor · 07/05/2023 07:58

This one is clearly fake. Just a parody of a greedy single mother. I am also getting vibes that the writer is young troll. The writing seems immature.

Necrotic · 07/05/2023 07:58

You need to find yoursen a sugar Daddy OP

Holidaywwyd · 07/05/2023 07:58

Clearly made up. What benefit.sanctions you for increasing your hours these days 🤔

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 07/05/2023 07:58

I'm afraid your ex dw salary is nothing to do with you or your child so that can't and won't be taken into account. He gives you £500 a month which is way over what he could get away with paying you, plus the arrival of a new baby meant a that figure would reduce even further.

DurdleLau · 07/05/2023 07:59

Wow. If this post is even real, You come across as very entitled and jealous. Be thankful for what you get.

PineappleLatte · 07/05/2023 07:59

Skyblue92 · 07/05/2023 07:57

Pretty sure they won’t include new wife’s salary. By all means go to CMS it’ll be less than the 500 a month he’s paying now. Don’t be greedy or bitter just because he married someone else who earns more

£133 a month on a salary of 21k

Holidaywwyd · 07/05/2023 07:59

But if it's real if you go to CMS you're likely to get about £100 a month

Original poster
tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 08:00

Right fine I will go to CMS. I haven't dealt with them before so I don't know.

OP posts:
JMSA · 07/05/2023 08:01

Ha ha ha ha! This has to be a wind-up, as nobody could possibly be this unreasonable and entitled.

EveryWitchWaybutLoose · 07/05/2023 08:01

I think she has a financial responsibility to pay for DD now she's officially her "step mother".

I can’t grasp the thinking here of a parent deciding that someone else should pay for her DD. Up your hours at work like a normal responsible adult.

Yes, YABU.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/05/2023 08:01

If you go to CMS, you're likely to get significantly less money. You can't withhold contact and you can't expect his partner to contribute. To be fair, with the £500 a month, she probably is already contributing.

Necrotic · 07/05/2023 08:01

tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 08:00

Right fine I will go to CMS. I haven't dealt with them before so I don't know.

You will get a lot less than £500 a month if you do that

Waitingforsummer75 · 07/05/2023 08:01

tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 08:00

Right fine I will go to CMS. I haven't dealt with them before so I don't know.

You do understand that the amount he will need to pay is around a quarter of what you currently receive?

Reugny · 07/05/2023 08:01

Fahdidahlia · 07/05/2023 07:55

In case this isn't a made up goady thread.....
To clarify - ex has child 3/7 nights a week and also dinners 1/2 nights a week.
Ex pays £500 a month privately agreed.
Stepmum is doing an excellent job as a role model, not overstepping etc.
You think as a Mum you're entitled to not have to work full time.

And you think you're badly done to?

Nice summary.

OP gets 2 out of 10 for effort.

Newestname002 · 07/05/2023 08:02

LlamaFace19 · 07/05/2023 07:57

You could get more money by increasing your working hours. I presume your daughter is at school five days a week so what stops you working full time?

I'm guessing laziness and entitlement. 🌹

MayThe4th · 07/05/2023 08:02

Before you invent threads it’s always important to find out the facts, so it’s not so obvious that you’ve just made up a pile of crap.

Firstly, the step parent’s salary is irrelevant in terms of child maintanence. The CMS won’t even touch that one with a barge pole.

Secondly, on £21k a year and seeing your child almost 50/50 if you went to the CMS ou would likely get a significant reduction in maintenance, so if your ex had any sense he’d probably say bring it on.

Reugny · 07/05/2023 08:02

tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 08:00

Right fine I will go to CMS. I haven't dealt with them before so I don't know.

Please do.

towriteyoumustlive · 07/05/2023 08:02

tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 07:53

I came on here for support ffs

Then get support by working more hours.

You come across as VERY self entitled and jealous.

Wanting what they have but not willing to put the work in yourself?

At £500 a month that's a huge amount of his take home pay.

Life isn't about what benefits you can get. If you can work more hours then do so!

BallandBoe · 07/05/2023 08:02

tiredofthegrind · 07/05/2023 08:00

Right fine I will go to CMS. I haven't dealt with them before so I don't know.

Are you not actually listening to a word people are saying??

If you go to CMS, you will LOSE £320 a month from your ex.

But pretty sure this isn't real.

Itchyfleet · 07/05/2023 08:03

Anyone would think it’s half term

Reugny · 07/05/2023 08:03

OP here's the link for CMS

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/contact

Hoardasurass · 07/05/2023 08:03

Just incase this is real.
You have no right to his new wife's salary and cms will NOT take it into account when calculating your cash but they will deduct more money from his payment as he has a 2nd child to pay for. So you will be lucky to get £100 per month on his salary of £21k per year.
Seriously go put his details of £21k and a 2nd child into there calculator it will show you how much your ex is already over paying by giving you £500pm.
Also no you won't be "sanctioned" for working more but you will lose some benefits but will get to keep 63p (extra) for every £ you earn ie you earn £1 and they deduct 27p from your UC

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/05/2023 08:03

This was just a pathetic attempt. Put some bloody effort in!

TheVolturi · 07/05/2023 08:04

You won't get anything near £500 based on his salary. I have 3dc and ex earns double that and I get£400 when he feels like paying it. The step mothers salary isn't included.

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