Is it necessary to meet the mum?

[MonkeyMinky]

My partner and me are discussing how to introduce me to his son who is eight

He has raised this with his ex who has asked to meet me. I said yes as felt it was the best way to make the process easier

When discussing with friends, more than one has asked why I am doing it and said for her to be informed is enough. They asked what it’s for apart from being nosey or trying to control the situation

I am a people pleaser and don’t like stress. Is this necessary? I think we need to keep her on side to make it easier but my friends have made me question this

I wouldn't meet her. Your DP has said he has been at her beck and call. I'd imagine that will significantly reduce when you are on the scene.

I met DPs ex at drop off one time - very informally and nothing more than exchanging pleasantries.

What's she going to achieve in a 30 minute meet? Ask about your job/security etc? Check your suitability? Your DP has 'vetted' you already and deemed you suitable - she wants to do the same and it's none of her business.

Whatever you say/do will be a sick to beat you with OP so I agree with your friends.

I say this as a DM with DCS who have a SM and SDC myself.

I think if you can start off on the right foot with their mother it could lay a good foundation for future relations. No need to be best pals but if you can get on cordially it reduces stress for the kids.
My ex husband's partner was already known to me, so there was no initial meeting as such but I always made sure to be friendly at handovers etc.

Her, not so much at times. Strange, as I was no threat, and had I known she fancied him I'd have handed him over on a plate years earlier.
Maybe I was too cheerful, in hindsight.

I take it mums judgement is the only judgement worth considering? Dad is clearly a knuckle dragging idiot that was fine to marry and procreate with but now cannot be trusted to judge the character of others (in reality, his ability to judge character was in question when he met mothers than think they are entitled to this level of control anyway).

I wonder how many mothers ensured they waited until dad had met the latest boyfriend before he started staying the night in her and the childrens home...