Step kids at weekend

[Bananarama77]

I’m really unhappy about this situation but not sure if I’m overreacting.
My DH is due to have his kids this weekend & he usually picks them up from school on Fridays but this weekend he has commitments to work so he has asked me to collect them from school which usually wouldn’t be a problem however I have plans to meet friends & I was hoping to get a few hours to sort myself out, get ready etc. I’m fed up with having kids here constantly & I rarely get a day to myself. Nice kids but not my responsibility. AIBU?

Yeah, because a step parent should do fuck all. So much for the term"blended family". It's no sort of family at all. No wonder there are so many children who hated their step parents.

If I were a step parent I would expect to treat any step children as family.

I treat my stepchildren as family - as stepchildren. Its a unique relationship that should be embraced for what it is, rather than pretend it is something it isn't. It's not a one size fits all term. For some kids they will react badly to being "over parented" others might like it.

Surely your DH will have to do what parents across the land do and say that he can’t do whatever it is his work wants him to do because he’s got to pick up his kids.

That is what parents do.

If.

I get you OP and don't think you're being unreasonable. I would not send my kids to my ex's if he wasn't around and used to get pissed off when he would try to outsource their care to his partner - not her responsibiity! Men!

Ok @SoupDragon but as soon as the step parent wants to discipline or make any kind of house rules, people are falling over themselves to say 'but you're not their real parent!'. Therefore we can only treat them like family when it suits? You can't have it both ways.

Step parents can never win, so most of us just don't want to get involved. It's not about doing 'fuck all' - It's more about no matter what we do, it's wrong. So, most of us just let the parents parent and watch from the sidelines. It's working well for me and my partner and his child so far.

What? Because their stepmum made plans for herself every now and again? And the children were parented by their parents?

Then you need a divorce.
Let the man marry someone who’ll be a team player - that’s the joy of stepchildren I’m afraid.

Not meaning to sound awful, but there’s a lot of people out there who would muck in a lot more without fuss.

The only part I agree with is the changing of plans - if you have plans you shouldn’t be expected to change them; I wouldn’t ask my wife to change hers if something came up with my DC.

I feel sorry for his kids! I'm not saying you need to be doing every of course, but sad you feel this way about them given you are their stepmum. You should actually leave him, his kids deserve better

Him working late isn't her problem though. They are his children. He - and their mother - need to manage the changes in plans, working late etc. That's not her responsibilty. If she wants to help, then great! But there should be absolutely no expectation on OP or her own time. Why is it never the father's fault, always the fault of the step mother? Why is that? Is it because the woman should always be expected to change her plans to accommodate the man's 'big job?'

My partner has a 'big job'. Never once has he expected me to take responsibilty or change my plans for his child. Because he knows that they are HIS CHILD. Not mine.

It honestly baffles me how some families work or dont Dp and i have 4 kids between us, none together but they are all our kids. The thought of refusing to do something for his ds because he is not biologically mine or visa vers just would not cross our minds.

This is lovely and how it should be.

I honestly don't know why people marry if they can't be like this.

I am sorry that others living their own way and not the way you live baffles you. It's almost like we are all different!

Don't presume that other families don't work well because they aren't the same as yours. Mine works just fine, thanks.

Maybe there's a back story I've missed, but this does make me a bit sad. I've always seen my own stepchildren (long grown up now, but with us 50/50 from when they were 3 and 6) as "children of the family". That's not to say people should be taken advantage of, but a family is a team effort, surely? Give and take? These kids are still very young and things will come up for years to come.

@VWHoliday me and my partner have deliberately chosen not to live together because I don't believe that is best for any of the kids. Mine are now adult and at university but his are still at school/sixth form.

His kids are very welcome here and if they're here I'll feed them and we enjoy spending time together, but he has EOW and one night a week to parent. If he can't organise his life to do that, he's a pretty shit man and not someone I'd be attracted to.

In an absolute emergency I would of course step up but in 3.5 years that has never been needed.

He just declines overtime or says "I can't do that" because he has his kids.

Why do I get expected to enable his parenting?

I do presume families who work like this dont work well, There are thread after thread on this board of SM moaning for being asked to do a simple task for their dsc. Its obviously not working well if they are having to come on MN and post about it!

Yes only your way is correct, everyone else is wrong. Isn't it lovely that you have appointed yourself as the judge of why people should or shouldn't marry.

Adults choose to marry. Children don't choose to be forced to live part with adults who don't see them as family.

They also don't choose for their parents to get divorced either. More couples should think about that before having kids and putting them through that particular hell. I never said that I don't see my stepchild as part of my family, I said I don't see myself as their parent.

Same.

I picked a crap partner first time round. I was young. And came from a crappy home life so he was better then where I was.

I sue as hell want making that mistake a 2nd time.

You have plans. He is working. He will have to pick them up on his way back from work This isn't a stepchild issue this is you have plans that you shouldn't have to change

By adults I take it you mean the parents too. They choose to marry someone who isn’t their child’s parent. That makes a different dynamic to if they were both the child’s parents.

I can imagine most posters villifying op would see their backside if a step parent told their kids off. Their father should be sorting childcare out and not just expecting op to do it.

It isn't a simple task if they are the ones having to keep cancelling their plans, because the actual parents keep changing their and just expecting the OP to pick up the slack.