Step kids at weekend

[Bananarama77]

I’m really unhappy about this situation but not sure if I’m overreacting.
My DH is due to have his kids this weekend & he usually picks them up from school on Fridays but this weekend he has commitments to work so he has asked me to collect them from school which usually wouldn’t be a problem however I have plans to meet friends & I was hoping to get a few hours to sort myself out, get ready etc. I’m fed up with having kids here constantly & I rarely get a day to myself. Nice kids but not my responsibility. AIBU?

I disagree with other posters. He has work, you have plans, he needs to sort an alternative whether that is a flexible agreement with mum, his parents, aunts/uncles/friends. You shouldn't have to drop your plans.

They aren't though. Step parents get a shitty deal here joint responsibility when it comes to the crap, school runs, childcare, washing, cleaning. And told to butt out for the fun stuff, holidays, sports day (see other thread!), school plays, Xmas etc.

That's what we all thought, before we had to deal with all the shit that Is thrown at step parents. Come back when you are one and see what you have to say then.

And no say about the stuff that matters either. you’re not their parent, so you get no say. But you’re still expected to put up with the consequences and organise your life around choices you’re not even consulted on.

No choice in the school, but expected to organise your life around an incredibly inconvenient school run.

no choice in the clubs, but expected to facilitate attendance and spend weekends freezing at the side of a rugby pitch.

The child is behaving dreadfully; don’t imagine you get a say in that. You’re not their mother. Just shut up and accept it.

if they actually were your children, you’d get a say. You could make choices and do things the way that suits you.

But you’re not. And still ‘but you must treat them like they’re yours’ gets thrown at you whenever a having cake and eating it moment arises.

@SoupDragon shame the family courts dont see stepmums that way.

You need to hand over responsibility to that user boyfriend and go see your family.

You are being used and you will continue to be until you stand up fot yourself.

It's up to you.

Let their father take over.

Don't be guilted nor used.

You should like a wonderful mum/step mum and person in general.

I would just worry that you are giving up your career/future prospects/pension for a man who already has 2 failed relationships with children from each.You seem to be making all the sacrifices and it seems very unfair.

@Willyoujustbequiet .. yeh you’re right. They must of realised the kind of man / child he really is, sad thing is though, he was so great when we first met, obviously I was child free then & he only saw his eldest daughter! now he just seems to grind on me as much as his parents do!

Well, aren't you a delight? You shouldn't have married their Dad. You knew he had kids and to think that they would just be his and not part of your family unit was extremely short sighted. Poor kids.

Bingo!

Maybe dad shouldn't have had kids if he wasn't available to look after them.

Absolutely, I call this 'access by proxy'

Yes, OP should have factored in that their own mother would be too inept to raise her own children and they would be her full time responsibility. Naturally.

Perhaps in your world, the two actual parents can absolve themselves of raising their own children and be that entitled they expect someone else to do the job they aren't.....but most people, as the lowest, most basic principle, expect a parent to parent their own offspring.

These kids have two parents. One is inept and they've been taken off her. The other has shrugged "well, I've got a job, so...."

That'a the issue.

Ah, can we add “you knew what you were getting into” or some other anti-SM cliche?

@Misste I hope you are doing well and life has continued to improve for you and your little boy.

Oh behave. You may not have a legal responsibility, but you do have a responsibility not to be an arsehole.

Pick the kids up, keep an eye on them while you get ready, then go out.

It's not like you're being asked to forego your night out is it, just the luxury of hours of getting ready. Hardly a shocking request.

Presumably your DH working will benefit your household financially, so asking him to change that for the sake of having time to get ready is ridiculous.

I say this as a stepmother (who's stepdaughters are with us full time) and a mother.

@billy1966 think I’ve been muddled up within this thread here, people are very quick to judge, aren’t they.
Were doing very well, thank you. Social services have been in contact with dad & with me… apparently he’s not coping with them on his own, he must be feeling how I felt.
it’s a shame how some people think “you knew what you were getting into” .. I knew I was getting with a man who had children, not a man with children that would come to live with us full time before I even had my own & that I would technically be the sole caregiver. Thankful for the people who had my back during all of this.

No surprise there.

Delighted to hear you are well.

So the lazy selfish man isn't finding it so easy....🙄

Surely the grandparents whom had so much to complain about are stepping in?!

He had 4 long years from you, you are so well out of it.

I bet you don't know yourself looking after only one child having been juggling 4 children with zero help for so long.

Your parents must be relieved that you got away.

Well done.

Thanks @billy1966 life is so good right now, haven’t got any worries or stress. I tried my best & at the time and that wasn’t good enough so going back would be a really stupid decision for me.
thanks for checking in though, it means a lot. I hope you’re good too

You say that as someone who has blatantly not read the thread 🙄

Oh do read the fucking thread.

Fucking hell.

No wonder these men exist. Fucking some women will do anything to keep a man and are outraged when others have a higher bar.

Having a uterus doesn't always mean default parent child giver barer of your soul.

Op your well rid I'm sure there's another sucker to take this one one ! Run fast 💨

Completely understand. Stop doing the daily crap. Yes you married a man with children, you have not taken on his children, they have two parents. It would be a no from me as to changing my arrangements, he needs to make sure he's available when his children are round.

My partner has 3 kids, 2 by his ex wife and his eldest by a previous ex who is no longer alive...

He broke up with his ex 2.5 yrs ago, his eldest went to live with his mum and he see's the youngest 2 bi-weekly. He's a fantastic dad, & its killed him to be apart from his kids and not be able have the together under 1 roof.

He met me, I own a small 2 bed house and have accommodated his children staying every other week, unfortunately my place it a bit too small for all 3 to stay over at the same time. The 2nd room is really use by us as a dressing room so we really are lacking space just with him and I living together.

We plan to buy a house together & his eldest will move in with us. My partner works away all week so I am largely on my own all week right now.

This is a first for me & I have some ways of how I like things, but I obviously want his eldest to feel like it is her home too & be comfortable.

i guess I'm just feeling like i'm losing control of what is currently quite a free & easy life ai lead & not sure how to handle things in the best way!

@Anonstepmom can you start your own thread? Your post would then be more visible and more people will respond?

Well he saw you coming didn't he!

Wake up.

You are being used for housing and childcare.

You must be out of your mind to allow yourself to be sucked into such a situation.

Start your own thread for advice.

Why on earth would you give up YOUR home to become skivvy aupair to some users children.

You are being set up.

You will be moved to that new house and suddenly an emergency will happen and the children will be will you more and more.

He may even encourage you to have a child to catch you.

Then you will be run ragged looking after 4 children.

Google some of the absolute horror stories on here and wake up and protect yourself.