Step kids at weekend

[Bananarama77]

I’m really unhappy about this situation but not sure if I’m overreacting.
My DH is due to have his kids this weekend & he usually picks them up from school on Fridays but this weekend he has commitments to work so he has asked me to collect them from school which usually wouldn’t be a problem however I have plans to meet friends & I was hoping to get a few hours to sort myself out, get ready etc. I’m fed up with having kids here constantly & I rarely get a day to myself. Nice kids but not my responsibility. AIBU?

Wonder what kids will say

So if they agree to breakfast club

1. will there be space

2. cost

3. will be be dropping them off on way to work and collecting after

Some kids don’t get a choice to go to breakfast club whether they like it or not. It’s just the way it is so that their parent/s can go to work.

I don’t know why this logic doesn’t seem to apply to stepchildren. If their father is at work, then why is he asking for their permission/approval to send them to breakfast club? He should just arrange it and send them like any other parent would.

You see sometimes on here, people whinging about how unfair it is for stepchildren to go to breakfast club if there is a stepmum at home. He’s probably secretly thinking the same thing. “I shouldn’t have to send them to breakfast club if you’re at home.”

Really bugs me.

Tbh although DH will consider their thoughts to some degree if there’s no other option then they’ll have to go.
Obviously he will need to check availability first, if there isn’t any then something else will need to be arranged but that’s between him & his ex.
Cost is irrelevant really
Of course he will that’s the point; that will be the pre&post school arrangement on his weeks on with them. Obviously he needs to speak to his ex about her regular lateness/last minute plans etc & care during school hols but sure he will

Our schools before /after club for example is fully booked and waiting list I

May need to consider a cm

And yes agree with above Poster - many kids have to go as no choice

If they are fully booked then he’ll have to start work later & finish earlier, he can do that no problem he would just doesn’t to, as long as he realises that he can’t come home with kids & bugger off to office to wfh. Fine once kids are in bed but not before otherwise responsibility will fall to me again. I sincerely doubt his ex will agree to reduced time/less frequent overnights so school clubs or work hour changed are his only 2 options. Funnily enough she’s already started paving the way to ask if he can have kids extra this weekend coming even though it’s her weekend with them

Just to flag after having been through this myself - make sure that you are clear with him that when you relented and gave "an emergency" exception, that this does not include his failure to plan / him and his ex deciding it would be easier for you to look after them / he wants to work longer, stay out for one more drink etc etc etc.

Well done OP. Glad you have talked with him.

Oh and just to reassure, breakfast and after school clubs aren't ways fully booked. I can put mine in ad hoc. There's always spaces.

Hello OP,

It's ok be clear about what you are and aren't prepared to do re: childcare.

I do think life works best when everyone can be a bit flexible but in a lot of situations that isn't possible so get clear on your boundaries, communicate them well and then stick to them!

Good Luck!

Yes quite.

After I stopped letting DH and his ex use me as a nanny, I remember talking about wrap around care as a solution for DSC to my MIL. She was horrified - "but it's not really fair to have DSC looked after by strangers."

This conversation happened while my own two DCs were literally at the childminders being looked after 'by strangers'.

Funnily enough, it was good enough for them, but not for sacred DSC.

Really weird approach to kids tbh, I don't ask my Dd if she wants to go to nursery because I have to work.

Why on earth would anyone be like do you want to go to breakfast club or stay at home with x and do whatever you want ?
I bet he wouldn't ask if he was x.

Well done op. It's really a situation where you don't owe DH or mum anything.

This is what happens when people start taking advantage of peoples good nature.

He should not embark on expanding his business if he cannot cope with the childcare. This is a reason millions of women go part time or experience career slow down once they have children.

Funny how she didn’t voice these “concerns” about her younger grandchildren (your dc) too.

Some paternal grandparents have a weird obsession with their grandchildren if their son has split with his first wife. Simple normal things like going to the CM or sharing a bedroom with a sibling are unfair and cruel.

It makes no sense for your own DC to be at the CM, only for you to then have to look after DSC. But I bet your MIL doesn’t see it that way of course.

And how many millions of women are barely getting by financially because of that. He should have had a better expansion plan that took into account his childcare commitments afterall he set up on his own in order to have flexibility but he’s lost sight of that over the years. He’s got more than enough staff that can assist with expanding the firm without him having to be there all the time. He just needs to get the balance right

Don't be surprised if he starts looking around for a new mug who will provide longer the free nanny/ childminder/ landlady/ cleaner/ laundry lady, cook and sex services.

Yes - "emergency" needs to be defined by you.

Well done on having that conversation OP - watch next steps carefully. 🌹

Is this a reverse.

I have stepchildren and they are welcome here anytime.

My son lives here 50/50 and my DH looks after him sometimes because he is his stepdad, my husband and they adore each other.

When you are involved with someone eho has kids they are part of your life.

Maybe try getting off your high horse and reading the actual thread.

Have you read anything at all past the first post @NoEffingWay 😂😂

It sounds more like he spends no time with them and they become the OP's responsibility.

Good God, another one.

DON’T MARRY A MAN WITH KIDS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO STEP PARENT!!!!

There a literally millions of single men without kids 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Not once has OP said she's encouraged her DH to be a better Dad. She's just been defensive if anybody has criticised him.

Oh fucking hell, the 'you knew what you were getting into' brigade have arrived.

Yes a crap Dad.

Yep, read about 3 pages. And yes, I do stand by the notion that you shouldn't get involved with anyone who has children if you would rather they weren't there and 'annoy you'