OH wants me to go out

[spellingtest]

Hi all
My stepdaughter doesn't like me (known her 10 years she is teenager now) and OH feels she can't come downstairs when I am here. My OH has asked me to go out some evenings to allow her to spend time with her. My children will be here, just not me.
Do you think this is a fair request?

I would 100% give him what he's asking for, and I'd move out permanently. That's not a situation anyone needs to be in and it's only going to get worse because he's pandering to a child who is going to become a pandered teen.

Sorry, saw that she is already a teen, thought she was younger, I misread. But even so, I'd still leave. A teen should know better.

OP this really isn't a good relationship. You must feel so unwanted in the house not just by your step daughter but, worse, by your weak and unsupportive partner.

I'd really suggest you move back to your own house - especially as your own children are being disrespected by this girl. I'm willing to bet you AND your children will be happier and more relaxed away from the scenario you are all in. 🌹

No. Absolutely not.

I wholeheartedly agree
This won't work for anyone and your partner sounds unrealistic to a blended family situation

I can't believe OP intends to make herself a 50/50 girlfriend when her DC go to uni, living between her house and his. How can a relationship be healthy if one person is reduced to such a childlike role? OP deserves a stable home base to keep all her stuff in and come home to every night. She owns a house FFS, she's an adult. Why live like a teenager with no place of her own, flitting between staying with boyfriend every chance she gets and going home when she's not wanted there? It's tragic

Nope, move back to your own home with your children as soon as you can, how can you possibly find this man attractive and sleep with him, gives me the ick thinking about him running up and down the stairs to feed a teenage girl while she lies in bed, just bizarre!

Absolute spoilt brat! Children don't need to eat their meals upstairs. They need to be taught manners and eat downstairs! He's pandered to the extreme. She clearly feels like royalty. I would no way go out so she can come downstairs. If she doesn't like you and won't come down then maybe she should spend more time at her mothers house. She's clearly not happy and neither are you.

OP I hope you’ve managed to address this now. What a terrible situation to be in.

You absolutely should not be leaving your home or going into another room so she can go downstairs (there is literally nothing stopping her doing that already), especially when you have DC of your own in the house! Please do not do this. What a terrible lack of respect your DP is showing you, and would be showing your children.

He needs to tell her she eats downstairs from now on or she doesn’t eat (other than toast or cereal - obviously can’t leave her to starve just because she chooses to be stubborn).

You've been together 10 years not 10 months. She should have moved past this by now, the only reason she hasn’t is because she doesn’t need to quit it whilst her dad is enabling it. The fact she has a sibling who is behaving completely different it’s clear that this DD is the problem and he needs to start parenting her properly now before it ruins everyone’s life.
If she refuses to engage still, I’d be taking her to counselling to get to the bottom of it all.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter who owns that house, you’re a couple and that’s your home. If your DP wants you to make you disappear, despite having DC of your own in the house, I’d be telling him you’ll be gone permanently if he doesn’t sort out this mess he’s created.

She sees the house as hers and her dad's. My stepmum moved into my childhood home and I still don't like her moving stuff around 🤣🤣 or redecorating of course I'm an adult and I keep quiet. Her son sat in the chair I've always sat it in it felt like my childhood home was being invaded. Of course I realise these feelings are irrational It will probably be better if you move into a different house even together. She views you and your children as usurpers in her home.