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Step-parenting

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Original poster

OH wants me to go out

160 replies

spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:27

Hi all
My stepdaughter doesn't like me (known her 10 years she is teenager now) and OH feels she can't come downstairs when I am here. My OH has asked me to go out some evenings to allow her to spend time with her. My children will be here, just not me.
Do you think this is a fair request?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 21/03/2023 22:29

No, he can't ask you to leave your own home. How regularly is she with you?
Why won't she come downstairs when you're there?

MichelleScarn · 21/03/2023 22:31

Absolutely this is not OK. Would he be happy you saying 'I want to spend time alone with my kids, you need to leave the house tonight'.

Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:33

One week here, one week with mother.

She just says she doesn't like me. It's been a gradual process, getting a lot worse over last couple of years (which coincides with puberty)

There is no specific incident that sparked the dislike. She views me as wicked step mother sadly.

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/03/2023 22:34

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:34

To add background, they go out for meals together and go on holiday, just the two of them too.

OP posts:
Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't understand your implication. Can you explain please?

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/03/2023 22:35

Peaked too soon

Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:36

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 21/03/2023 22:35

Peaked too soon

Can you add context to your remarks please?

OP posts:
Craftylover43 · 21/03/2023 22:36

Can't he take her out instead? I think its fine that he wants to spend time with just her as relationships can be tricky when the teenage years arrive! He could also try to get her to open up about what her issue is with you when alone. I think its unfair to make you go out though, and who will be attending to your kids if he's having time with his DD if they are left at home? Makes sense for them to go & you have time with your kids etc, or maybe alternate taking the kids out for that bonding time.

Spudina · 21/03/2023 22:40

On the whole, your OH is being unreasonable. She could go out with DSD to spend some time with her instead. (Admittedly things you can do with teens in the evenings are limited) . Out of interest, how much do you go out? If you literally never go out, would it harm you to have a very occasional night at the pub etc so everyone gets a breather? My DH doesn’t go out much, but I have to say, I quite like it when he does. My DDs and I have girls night and they enjoy it. My DH gets a chilled night with friends. Win, win.

Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:42

Craftylover43 · 21/03/2023 22:36

Can't he take her out instead? I think its fine that he wants to spend time with just her as relationships can be tricky when the teenage years arrive! He could also try to get her to open up about what her issue is with you when alone. I think its unfair to make you go out though, and who will be attending to your kids if he's having time with his DD if they are left at home? Makes sense for them to go & you have time with your kids etc, or maybe alternate taking the kids out for that bonding time.

He does take her out but he wants to spend evenings together watching a film. I have suggested I am in another room but he feels she won't come down if I'm in the house.
I'm happy to try it but if it's a success then I fear it will become a more frequent thing and I will be expected to go out regularly. Occasionally is absolutely fine and it's lovely for them to spend time together, however the need for me to actually go out is irritating me.

OP posts:
Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:44

Spudina · 21/03/2023 22:40

On the whole, your OH is being unreasonable. She could go out with DSD to spend some time with her instead. (Admittedly things you can do with teens in the evenings are limited) . Out of interest, how much do you go out? If you literally never go out, would it harm you to have a very occasional night at the pub etc so everyone gets a breather? My DH doesn’t go out much, but I have to say, I quite like it when he does. My DDs and I have girls night and they enjoy it. My DH gets a chilled night with friends. Win, win.

I don't go out often and that's a good point. I work very long hours in my office at home. I think I should look at it as a positive - even if I park my car I can read a book for a few hours!

OP posts:
ImSweetEnoughDarlin · 21/03/2023 22:46

I wouldn't be forced out of my home. She needs to suck it up and grow up.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/03/2023 22:46

Absolutely not. What would you say to your children? That you accept being banished on the whims of a child and her (also there?) spineless father? Not a fucking chance.

getafringenotbotox · 21/03/2023 22:46

No chance

CombatBarbie · 21/03/2023 22:52

No way should you have to leave your own home! Is the house the old family home or yours or new & joint?

She doesn't get to dictate as a child. I'm surprised there's 50/50 if she doesn't come out her room if you are there. How do meal times work?

Theunamedcat · 21/03/2023 22:54

Time for seperate houses again

I wouldn't be kicked out of my home and have someone play happy families in it

Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:55

CombatBarbie · 21/03/2023 22:52

No way should you have to leave your own home! Is the house the old family home or yours or new & joint?

She doesn't get to dictate as a child. I'm surprised there's 50/50 if she doesn't come out her room if you are there. How do meal times work?

Originally his home but been together 10 years. OH takes all her meals to her and she eats them in her bed. Always has done. He's up and down stairs 20 times an evening! She will message him with her requests

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/03/2023 22:56

Seriously? Move out she won't change

CombatBarbie · 21/03/2023 23:00

spellingtest · 21/03/2023 22:55

Originally his home but been together 10 years. OH takes all her meals to her and she eats them in her bed. Always has done. He's up and down stairs 20 times an evening! She will message him with her requests

Show quote history

Oh fuck that..... Pandering to the extreme!!

LittleOwl153 · 21/03/2023 23:01

My guess is he's fed up of traipsing up and down the stairs so is looking for you to take some of the load instead. If she hasn't taken a meal with you at the table in 10 years that's not going to change now.

What's the financial situation? I'm assuming you're not married given you say OH not DH? Are your kids his also or just yours? I'd be protecting my back tbh as I think this relationship is entering its final phase.

LittleOwl153 · 21/03/2023 23:02

Is he expecting you to take your kids out too? How old are they? Would he look after them if needed if you left them in bed whilst he's having this daughter time...

Xzxzxzxz · 21/03/2023 23:06

No wonder she's saying she doesn't like you - it's meaning that she's getting waited on hand and foot! Ridiculous.

Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 23:07

LittleOwl153 · 21/03/2023 23:01

My guess is he's fed up of traipsing up and down the stairs so is looking for you to take some of the load instead. If she hasn't taken a meal with you at the table in 10 years that's not going to change now.

What's the financial situation? I'm assuming you're not married given you say OH not DH? Are your kids his also or just yours? I'd be protecting my back tbh as I think this relationship is entering its final phase.

He does sometimes say he feels like a servant! It's his own doing though.
My children are from my first marriage.
No, not married to each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
spellingtest · 21/03/2023 23:09

LittleOwl153 · 21/03/2023 23:02

Is he expecting you to take your kids out too? How old are they? Would he look after them if needed if you left them in bed whilst he's having this daughter time...

She doesn't have a problem with them so they dont 'need' to come out with me They are older than her and are self sufficient.

OP posts: