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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Had enough. Banning DSD and her mother from my home.

727 replies

Boundaryqueen1 · 29/12/2022 08:51

Years of trying. Years of my kindness being taken for granted. Years of anguish. They’d be over the moon if they’d split my marriage up. Not happening. As of now, I am divorcing DSD and her mother permanently they are not to enter my house and it feels great. Have boundaries ladies. It’s not all on you and it never should have been. 🙌🏻

OP posts:
NewDogOwner · 29/12/2022 08:53

You OK? What caused this? Are you still living with her father? What does he say?

90yomakeuproom · 29/12/2022 08:53

You go girl!

Soontobe60 · 29/12/2022 08:54

Banning your DHs child from his home may well be the undoing of your marriage!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 29/12/2022 08:54

Sad it comes to this, isn’t it?

I’m with you. I’ve disengaged completely and it’s the best thing for my own mental health I’ve ever done. They hate that there are consequences to their actions for the first time ever in their lives, but that’s not my issue any more 👋

Arewethebadguys · 29/12/2022 08:57

Don't have stepkids but this sounds like a decision which has made you feel empowered and in control. Good for you! I hope it changes your life for the better!

Toomanybooks22 · 29/12/2022 09:04

You're unilaterally banning your husband's child from the home you share with your husband?

Fireyflies · 29/12/2022 09:06

How old is DSD?

icelollycraving · 29/12/2022 09:09

How can you ban his child from his home?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/12/2022 09:11

It's not just your house though surely? It's your husbands too.

BaublesandBangles · 29/12/2022 09:11

Is it just your home? How old is your stepdaughter?

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 29/12/2022 09:13

if it's your own sole property that's fine. if it's DH's too then you can't be a barrier between him and his daughter - that would definitely make you the baddy here.

it's important for you to have self respect yes, and to have good boundaries for you. but your DH has to prioritise his children and if you are going to force him to choose between you and his daughter then a good msn will choose his daughter

Jazamataz · 29/12/2022 09:14

If it’s just your house and you don’t live with her dad then good for you!

If he lives there too, good luck. As you’re essentially making him chose between his wife and his daughter, any decent bloke would choose his daughter. So either way you lose.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 29/12/2022 09:14

Does he live there too? Because surely you can't do that? ConfusedHmm

MintJulia · 29/12/2022 09:14

How old is your dsd? what did she do?

I banned my 25yo dsd from the house when she spat in the lunch I had prepared for us. It ended my relationship.

It was still the right decision though. There are some things no-one should have to tolerate.

TimBoothseyes · 29/12/2022 09:32

Jazamataz · 29/12/2022 09:14

If it’s just your house and you don’t live with her dad then good for you!

If he lives there too, good luck. As you’re essentially making him chose between his wife and his daughter, any decent bloke would choose his daughter. So either way you lose.

Any decent bloke wouldn't have allowed it to get to the point where the DSD would be banned from the house because of her and her mothers attitude towards the SM.

PeterRabbitIsNotHere · 29/12/2022 09:36

I did a similar thing. Bought my own home and banned DSD from it. Not seen her in over a year. Best thing ever, the spiteful toxic atmosphere gone.
Good for you OP.

Dollyparton3 · 29/12/2022 09:39

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 29/12/2022 09:13

if it's your own sole property that's fine. if it's DH's too then you can't be a barrier between him and his daughter - that would definitely make you the baddy here.

it's important for you to have self respect yes, and to have good boundaries for you. but your DH has to prioritise his children and if you are going to force him to choose between you and his daughter then a good msn will choose his daughter

Not necessarily. My adult SD behaved horrendously towards me and DH called out her behaviour immediately. He was embarrassed by the way she spoke to me, it wasn't the way he raised her but when you have an ex partner and MIL alienating the child from her father all boundaries are screwed.

Nobody should tolerate being spoken to like a POS in their own home and nobody, step child or not should be enabled to behave like this.

Good on you OP. It's 2 years since my husband's daughter stepped into our home. They still have a relationship, they just have to operate that outside of our 4 walls as she refused to apologise. Not my problem

Georgeskitchen · 29/12/2022 09:54

Depends on various things: how old is DSD and how log have you been with her father?
On the subject of her mother, why would she even be in your house?

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 29/12/2022 09:56

@Dollyparton3 if DSD is an adult then you may be right in some circumstances but OP hasn't replied to numerous enquiries about age of dsd and numerous pp have said pretty much the same as me. if dsd is still a child then what I said holds. if she's an adult and her horrible behaviour is due to trauma created or contributed to by him then he still owes her more tolerance than OP does (she owes nothing to an adult dsd) but there may come a time when he can only step back and let her make her own choices. even then, OP doesn't get to choose on behalf of DH.

Liorae · 29/12/2022 09:57

Soontobe60 · 29/12/2022 08:54

Banning your DHs child from his home may well be the undoing of your marriage!

And that may be the best thing that the OP has ever instigated in her life. The relationship with a man is not the be all and end all of life.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 29/12/2022 09:58

Soontobe60 · 29/12/2022 08:54

Banning your DHs child from his home may well be the undoing of your marriage!

Equally could be the saving of it.

BethJ62 · 29/12/2022 09:58

Why is your DSD’s mother allowed in your house ?

Liorae · 29/12/2022 09:58

Jazamataz · 29/12/2022 09:14

If it’s just your house and you don’t live with her dad then good for you!

If he lives there too, good luck. As you’re essentially making him chose between his wife and his daughter, any decent bloke would choose his daughter. So either way you lose.

Either way she wins.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2022 10:00

Sounds like the right decision for you OP. What’s her dad’s response? What prompted it?

LovelaceBiggWither · 29/12/2022 10:04

I've gone no contact with my DSD and for years DH was simply not allowed to talk to me about her as every time her name came up we would fight.

It's horrible that it came to this but if her parents had parented and not allowed her to treat me the way she did for years, the outcome would have been different.