Had enough. Banning DSD and her mother from my home.

[Boundaryqueen1]

Years of trying. Years of my kindness being taken for granted. Years of anguish. They’d be over the moon if they’d split my marriage up. Not happening. As of now, I am divorcing DSD and her mother permanently they are not to enter my house and it feels great. Have boundaries ladies. It’s not all on you and it never should have been. 🙌🏻

Surely this depends, an adult stepchild who does things like spits in your lunch like a PPs (what a disgusting specimen) is different to a bit of an unruly 7 year old.

If it's an adult or older teen child who's just a bit of a twat then good on you OP! If it's a younger child I'm not sure you'll get very far with this and I'd be leaving personally.

Good for you! Enforce those boundaries and don't give an inch.

DSD Can see her dad whenever he or she likes just not in my home. contact time doesn’t have to be hosted by me.

@Boundaryqueen1 how old is she op?

No I don't think anyone is saying you have to host it. But if your husband also owns your home you can't just unilaterally decide his child (depending on age imo, maybe different if an adult) can't come into it.

How old is your husband's daughter?

This
The dh has to take some of the blame

It's the most crucial piece of info which OP just seems to be completely avoiding answering which makes me want to assume this is a young child. Happy to be told otherwise if OP answers.

Yes the child’s age is significant

Is it your home tho, or is it a shard home with DH? If he has his own home elsewhere then fair enough, it's not for you to "host"

I’m not sure the age makes a massive difference depending on the circumstances. I do wonder about the oh who has let this situation get this bad with his daughter. I refuse to be abused in my own home by anyone of any age, let alone on a regular basis.

No, no one should be abused by anyone, but it's going to be a lot harder to maintain a positive relationship with her husband if she's refusing to allow a 7 year old in their dads house compared to a 30 year old adult. Of course the age is relevant.

And it's also relevant whether the DH co owns the house we're talking about. If he does OP can't just ban his child (even if her wanting to is understandable).

If he doesn't agree then I can't see how this relationship could work?

2 significant bits of information missing here. Your lack of disclosure on those makes me guess you are being unreasonable.

How old is DSD?

Why is the mum even coming into your home?

If your DP lives with you then it’s his home too and you can’t ban his child from entering it.
You can stop the mum.

Why don’t you move out or ask him to live somewhere else instead?

Funny how OP isn't mentioning the age despite being asked multiple times.

As the OP mentions contact time I'm guessing the DSD isn't an adult.

OP also fails to mention if they live together.

So if you live with your partner and DSD is a child, which I'm going to assume is the case as you're being quite elusive, then you are seriously unreasonable.

Sounds like the DSD is a child, otherwise there would be no need for her mum to be mentioned

How old is she? And is it his home too?

Banning a child from her father's home is not on, IMO. I don't care what the child has done.

Where does your husband live and how old is his kid?

Probably best you and your husband don’t live together anymore - he of course needs a home to facilitate contact with his child, and presumably you own yours some which is how you can ban people from it. So perhaps DH should start looking for a flat.

I’d be a bit concerned if my husband was happy to have his child banned from his home.

Thanks Kanaloa. great advice 🤣

You still haven’t explained who owns the house or how old the step daughter is.

You are entitled to draw boundaries wherever you want, but your husband’s boundaries with his own children should be different. Without any details nobody can really comment further.

Obviously in a perfect world neither of you would be allowing abusive behaviour in the home, and of course can include not allowing a child to visit who is abusive! You should however both be agreeing and setting boundaries as to what is expecting at your home and it sounds like this is the real issue perhaps. In the short term you are right not to allow it to continue and impact your mental health - but it isn’t constructive long term and you and DH should be able to find a way to work something out that can eventually reverse this, where DSD is able to come round and supported to behave in a civilised way. Obviously she may not want to do this and this is then her choice. Well done though for distancing yourself in this way until you can get to this point, it’s freeing and will give you a break from the drama!

What's happened OP?