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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My husband just acted like a cunt didn't he?

164 replies

Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 09:27

So my husband has had to go into work today, admittedly he didn't want to buy anyway.

DSC are here from last night but supposed to be back with their mum this morning. I said I would drop them off but no one has discussed a time yet so I have no idea what's going on.

Told H to ring his ex or something so I know what's going on as I have my own stuff to do today (going out later and need to nip to shops too first) and I don't want to be sat around for ages not knowing what's happening.

Cue H shouting downstairs in earshot of DSC that clearly I just find them such a burden why don't I just tell them that I don't want them here so I can go out blah blah blah.

I'm so angry. He always does this, just acts like DC are my issue and swans off to work leaving me not knowing what's happening and if I ever dare say anything it's 'you find them such a burden'. Well yes it IS a burden not knowing what's going on!!!

OP posts:
Ohhmydays · 27/12/2022 11:06

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 10:33

Good idea

Show quote history

This. I would defo have a convo with the dc an explain their not a burden and you don’t want rid of them you were just asking dad to ask mum when she wants use back. I would also have a word with mum and let her know what dad has said in-front of the kids before any of the kids say to mum because their upset and you get made to look like evil step mother

Bigbadfish · 27/12/2022 11:06

Those children are only the most important to their parents. The OP does not have to prioritise her soon to be Ex step children over her and her child.

Now is the time to start mentally separating from them all. She is bust and has plans. So one way or another the kids need to be somewhere else.

This is how arseholes like this win, by "won't someone please think of the chidlren"

No. Don't think of children that are not your problem.

caringcarer · 27/12/2022 11:07

Why do you stay with him as you say he has done this all before? Get some respect and leave him.

Pascor · 27/12/2022 11:12

Bigbadfish · 27/12/2022 11:06

Those children are only the most important to their parents. The OP does not have to prioritise her soon to be Ex step children over her and her child.

Now is the time to start mentally separating from them all. She is bust and has plans. So one way or another the kids need to be somewhere else.

This is how arseholes like this win, by "won't someone please think of the chidlren"

No. Don't think of children that are not your problem.

These responses are bordering on the sociopathic. Don't think of the children? They're nothing to do wiht you? WTF?
They're in her house. She has sole charge of them right now, they are her childs siblings, and quite apart from anything else, they are simply children. Of course she has to think about them.

One more of the million reasons why blended families almost never work. Poor fucking kids, their dads and arse, their mother is uncontactable and their stepmother is listening to a load of harpies urging her that they don't matter, they're an object to be thrown back at their parents.

Fantina · 27/12/2022 11:13

My ex husband used to do stuff exactly like this. He was always shouting accusations at me that I didn’t love/like his DC which could not have been further from the truth. We had two DC together. I always thought the above was because being a stepfamily was so hard but it turns out he was just an abusive bastard and things got a lot worse and I finally finally left him after 17 years. If I knew then what I know now I’d have left and built a new life for me. My ex has zero respect for me and it sounds like yours is similar.

FrancescaContini · 27/12/2022 11:16

Yes. I have never seen a “blended family” situation that remotely works. The “new” men turn out to be abusive, and the children bear the brunt of this, physically and / or psychologically.

“Blended family” - sounds so innocuous, like a creamy delicious concoction that tastes good…

Aidagreenwhistle · 27/12/2022 11:18

I’d contact the ex and explain the situation. Tell her you love them dearly but your partner won’t step up. Offer to put it in writing what he has said about them. She may want to reduce access if you split and this may help her do so.

I would build a relationship with her so your children can remain close if you split with him as I doubt your partner will facilitate this.

Crumpleton · 27/12/2022 11:21

Can you get the mum's phone number from the child that messaged her and give her a call, don't message just call her.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/12/2022 11:27

Two things. One, there's a certain type of divorced dad who looks for another women specifically so that he has an unpaid nanny. This has the duel job of meaning he does nothing while simultaneously paying less C/M and screwing the ex. Works better if he has one more child, tying said new women to him.

Two, he's triangulating his and your child in your relationships issues. That's deeply deeply unhealthy and they will be talking about it in counselling in 20 years.

Break up, he's an arse. Yes it's hard, he's made it that way so he doesn't need to pay for childcare.

Original poster
Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 11:54

Took kids out for breakfast, they are okay.

Can someone tell me, if I left to go and stay with parents, would it affect what I'm entitled to in regards to the house? (It's jointly owned).

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 27/12/2022 12:21

I hope when people say “poor children” they are saying it because of their father’s attitude and not because OP won’t take them shopping. 🙄

Daleksatemyshed · 27/12/2022 12:21

You're married Op and joint owners so whether you stay there ,or go the your family ,has no effect on your rights to half the house.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 12:23

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2022 12:21

I hope when people say “poor children” they are saying it because of their father’s attitude and not because OP won’t take them shopping. 🙄

I feel sorry for the children as their dad is a shit father who teaches them that it's ok to dump your kids on someone with no regard to their plans. What a sorry excuse for a parent. Poor kids.

astralpiano · 27/12/2022 12:23

Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 11:54

Took kids out for breakfast, they are okay.

Can someone tell me, if I left to go and stay with parents, would it affect what I'm entitled to in regards to the house? (It's jointly owned).

Nope

Bigbadfish · 27/12/2022 12:25

Pascor · 27/12/2022 11:12

These responses are bordering on the sociopathic. Don't think of the children? They're nothing to do wiht you? WTF?
They're in her house. She has sole charge of them right now, they are her childs siblings, and quite apart from anything else, they are simply children. Of course she has to think about them.

One more of the million reasons why blended families almost never work. Poor fucking kids, their dads and arse, their mother is uncontactable and their stepmother is listening to a load of harpies urging her that they don't matter, they're an object to be thrown back at their parents.

Show quote history

I don't believe blended families do work overall. But in this situation, the bleeding heart is how he controls her.

Once they're divriced she won't see or hear from those kids again. They are not her problem. She is busy.

Bestcatmum · 27/12/2022 12:30

No it won't affect your half of the house. I'd leave asap., You are unpaid nanny for both parents. What a dismal situation.

Willyoujustbequiet · 27/12/2022 12:30

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2022 10:04

A good rule of thumb when dating a divorced man is to assume that he is the reason they're divorced. There is a slither of a chance that it wasn't him, but I'd say only a tiny one.

This.

Obviously there are exceptions but for the most part there is a reason he is someone's ex. Unfortunately many women fall for the sob story and don't see the red flags until its too late and hes doing the same to them.

funinthesun19 · 27/12/2022 12:33

I agree. This man is a controlling, manipulative arsehole and doing as she’s told regarding his children is just enabling and accepting his behaviour. She shouldn’t have to stand for it.

THE biggest killer of the stepmum’s enthusiasm towards the stepchildren is the father’s attitude. I can’t see how she would see an abusive man’s children as her own. Because the relationship is obviously going to be a rocky one. So yeah, his kids his problem.

Original poster
Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 12:39

Also concerns me that he'll be entitled to more than half the house because he has 3 children compared to my 1 so a bigger need. Despite the fact DSCs RP is their mum and I do absolutely everything for our child together. Would feel extremely unfair if that were the case.

I'm going to see if I can get a free half hour consultation.

OP posts:
XanaduKira · 27/12/2022 12:42

You need to see a solicitor Op and then figure out what you want to do. This situation won't get any better unless you take steps to make it better.

excelledyourself · 27/12/2022 12:50

Go to your parents before he gets home.

He's a selfish, lazy, manipulative, arsehole.

He is cruel to you, your SC, and your joint child.

He doesn't deserve any of you and you all deserve better.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 27/12/2022 12:51

Any divorce settlement will be based on a number of factors including current and future income, pensions etc

The idea of marriage is to ensure that both parties are equally well provided for. So if he is the higher earner or you have taken a hit by going part time or working less to care for your joint DC that will work in your favour in terms of division of assets.

As he’s not even the resident parent for the other DC that shouldn’t impact too much on the division of assets but it may impact how much child maintenance he pays you? I’m not sure if it’s just resident children or others who don’t live with him who are counted for CM purposes? But either way… If he’s paying CM to his other DCs mum it means any settlement needs to reflect his reduced contribution to your lives, ie you should get a bigger share of the house, not smaller.

MeridianB · 27/12/2022 14:09

Please don’t take really important legal advice from strangers in the internet, OP. Get an initial consultation set up and take it from there.

PS If you need to, you should take the DSC to your son’s party today - they will need to wait with you, but he shouldn’t miss it.

VioletLemon · 27/12/2022 14:12

No fucking way OP.
He's a dick, get him to fuck. Poor kids, fuck him.

VioletLemon · 27/12/2022 14:16

If avoidable do not leave your house.