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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My husband just acted like a cunt didn't he?

164 replies

Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 09:27

So my husband has had to go into work today, admittedly he didn't want to buy anyway.

DSC are here from last night but supposed to be back with their mum this morning. I said I would drop them off but no one has discussed a time yet so I have no idea what's going on.

Told H to ring his ex or something so I know what's going on as I have my own stuff to do today (going out later and need to nip to shops too first) and I don't want to be sat around for ages not knowing what's happening.

Cue H shouting downstairs in earshot of DSC that clearly I just find them such a burden why don't I just tell them that I don't want them here so I can go out blah blah blah.

I'm so angry. He always does this, just acts like DC are my issue and swans off to work leaving me not knowing what's happening and if I ever dare say anything it's 'you find them such a burden'. Well yes it IS a burden not knowing what's going on!!!

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 27/12/2022 09:35

That's awful for you and his children.

Original poster
Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 09:36

Ellie1015 · 27/12/2022 09:35

That's awful for you and his children.

And it also annoyed me because before he left he said goodbye to DSC but completely blanked our child as he left (toddler), didn't say bye to them.

OP posts:
Aquasulis · 27/12/2022 09:36

Can you say to him - your children are your responsibility - you pick them up or arrange to have them dropped off when you are here and likewise when they leave you drop them off I’m not your fucking nanny and due to your lack of respect and the way you abuse me in front of my step children and that’s it next time I’m gone.

Original poster
Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 09:37

Aquasulis · 27/12/2022 09:36

Can you say to him - your children are your responsibility - you pick them up or arrange to have them dropped off when you are here and likewise when they leave you drop them off I’m not your fucking nanny and due to your lack of respect and the way you abuse me in front of my step children and that’s it next time I’m gone.

I've said all this before he makes out I'm just an awful step mother for not wanting to babysit whenever he wants.

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/12/2022 09:37

Do the kids have a phone? Get them to call their mum. How old are they? I would say to them that dad was wrong to say what he did. You love having them to stay and like being with them and explain why you ask about plans for the day.

but honestly he a gaslighting twat. He does need to realise the impact on the DC of his words. If you think he would say it’s your fault I would say no-it’s you, and it’s you EVERY time. Why would you say something so harmful within their presence?

Original poster
Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 09:38

I find it ironic though how he can say I'm the one who finds them a burden when he's the one who's gone off to work whilst they are here. Something he couldn't do if I wasn't around.

OP posts:
Suzi9989 · 27/12/2022 09:39

This is awful behaviour. Do not offer to drop them off in future! Let him come be...

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/12/2022 09:39

And for treating your joint DC like that I would be done

RoseHarper · 27/12/2022 09:39

You really need to think why you are with this man? Is this the person you want to spend your life with? He's clearly showing you that he has no respect for you, doesnt show you any consideration and is happy to hurt his childrens feelings to prove a point. I'd have a long hard think about whether this is the life you want as he will not change. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but step back and really think about how you want to live your life.

limitededitionbarbie · 27/12/2022 09:40

Drop them at his work before you go out. Cheeky twat.

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 27/12/2022 09:41

He's a gaslighting twat. Call him out on his behaviour again and again, and stand your ground. How dare he turn it around onto you. I'm so angry for you.

Penguinsaregreat · 27/12/2022 09:42

He is completely in the wrong. If I was their mum I’d be furious if he said that. I’d also be having a deep think about whether I wanted my children leaving with such a nasty, abusive man.
you say you have a child with this man. That complicates matters
I would be speaking to him tonight about his attitude towards me and what comes out of his mouth.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 09:42

Well there you go. You are right, it is so fucking rude. It is what it is...your dh is a lazy, disrespectful, arrogant shit who sees nothing wrong in comandeering your free time to provide childcare to his kids. Absolute wanker.

Don't know how you're going to resolve this...he sounds pretty determined to trample all over you. The chances of him having an epiphany and doing the decent thing is virtually nil.

XanaduKira · 27/12/2022 09:42

This is on you for putting up with it Op. You've had multiple suggestions here as to how to approach it - they do all require a hard line, so you need to be prepared to take it. Plus if one of the DSC has her number, get it off them and call her yourself.

If you allow yourself to be treated like shit, then it will continue to happen.

ohyouknowwhatshername · 27/12/2022 09:43

What kind of job does he do? Can you take the children to him? If not I would keep phoning him until he deals with it. Do not give in until he has dealt with it.

PhillySub · 27/12/2022 09:43

Can you drop them off at his work?

Justleaveitblankthen · 27/12/2022 09:43

Wow! How fucking dare he?!
Sorry, but DSC there or not, I would have been shouting this back up the stairs to him!
It's 100% manipulation. The first line of defence is attack.
Phone his ex and ask what time you can drop them off? I would be explaining the situation to her too, though I'm sure she won't be surprised.

Yes, he's a total cunt OP.

MsPavlichenko · 27/12/2022 09:46

He’s an abusive prick, and it’s not just impacting on you but his children. He won’t change, as you must be starting to realise. To be honest your best option is to get out sooner rather than later otherwise this will be your life going forward.

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2022 09:46

Well he's not winning any father of the year or partner of the year awards any time soon is he?!!!
Awful behaviour. Those poor kids. All you can do is reassure them that you don't find them a burden etc etc and their dad wasn't being fair to say that.
Then sit and wait and seethe I suppose.
How old are the children?

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 27/12/2022 09:47

Bahhhh1 · 27/12/2022 09:38

I find it ironic though how he can say I'm the one who finds them a burden when he's the one who's gone off to work whilst they are here. Something he couldn't do if I wasn't around.

Next time don't be. He gets called in to work you grab the toddler and go out before he leaves and turn your phone off, maybe go stay somewhere else for the night. Bad enough he's gaslighting you all, he's also willing to make his own DC feel like an unloved burden rather than take 2 minutes to act like an adult, phone his ex and make sure his DC are sorted. If his DC feel like a burden that's 100% on him. He's one nasty piece of work.

Confusedteacher · 27/12/2022 09:48

To those people saying “stop them off at his work” you realise these are actually children we’re talking about, not some unwanted package?! Can you imagine how uncomfortable and mortifying that would be for them?

Yes it’s an annoying situation for the OP, but it’s not the children’s fault their dad is a dick!

I would just have a nice day with the DSC, wait for their mum to message back and drop them off. Then have it out with your husband later, with no kids in earshot.

amiold · 27/12/2022 09:48

I think I'd be tempted not to take them back. Even if it upsets your plans. And as soon as he walks in say you'll need to drop the kids off, I didn't know what was happening. And walk out with toddler and go out for dinner or to stay at your mums/friends if poss

MistletoeandBaileys · 27/12/2022 09:48

OP I think it’s clear to see why the first relationship with the mother broke down. Once your DSC are gone to their mums pack his bags and throw him out.

You don’t deserve to put up with this but neither do the children. He’s an awful horrible role model for his children

RocketsMagnificent7 · 27/12/2022 09:49

Justleaveitblankthen · 27/12/2022 09:43

Wow! How fucking dare he?!
Sorry, but DSC there or not, I would have been shouting this back up the stairs to him!
It's 100% manipulation. The first line of defence is attack.
Phone his ex and ask what time you can drop them off? I would be explaining the situation to her too, though I'm sure she won't be surprised.

Yes, he's a total cunt OP.

I disagree, OP shouldn't be asking the ex what time she can drop them off, she should be telling her I'll be there at 11or whenever is convenient to OP.

Their mum might not know but I'm sure she has an idea, due to having the sense to leave the twat in question.

JennyForeigner · 27/12/2022 09:50

I grew up in stepfamilies and that's entirely fucking unacceptable. He's undermining the relationship for all of you. What a prick.