partner won't let my child come round anymore

[jonjonuk22]

im having troubles with the whole adapting as a step parent. recently my partner thinks im being extremely disrespectful to her child who lives with us, and has now resulted in issues when my daughter comes round.

she now says, my daughter is not welcome in the house anymore and i should make alternative arrangements rather then staying at my home.

until i can be more respectful to her child that's the way it will be

i don't think this is right regardless of her reasons for saying it, i believe it should never come to me having to find alternative arrangements when my child is with me at the weekends.

she thinks this is ok and our relationship shouldn't be affected by it and i should accept it and that its wrong that my child is a factor in our relationship like this

is this right to just accept this ?

Both of you need to prioritise the needs and wellbeing of your own children, and your relationship is only possible if it is compatible with the needs and wellbeing of all the children.

It seems to me like the kids would both be better off if you moved out, so that is what you should do. You can pursue your love life in a few years time once DC are adults.

Your partner sounds unhinged. Id get out asap

Sorry but your partner is the type of woman who gives step parents a bad name. How dare she ban your daughter from the home you both share and take out her displeasure with you on a poor defenceless little kid! She’s abusing your daughter because she’s not happy with you. It’s takes a special kind of evil person to do that. Put your daughter first and get her away from this abusive witch. If I was her mother and got wind of this I’d take you back to court to change visitation so that poor little girl doesn’t have to feel unwanted and despised by your Bed Warmer.

Nobody tells me I can't see my child in my home. I would move out immediately and not look back.

Move out. What were your circumstances before you moved in with her? You need to go back to that. Be practical instead of defeatist.

She shouldn’t be leaving her child with you on your own if she won’t let you discipline her, that’s ridiculous. And you can’t live with someone who bans your own child from it.

What a mess. Put your child first and act accordingly. If you work then pack up your stuff tonight and book into a cheap hotel.

She says it's not right that your relationship is dependent on your child? Wtf? So she thinks it's ok if one person in a relationship treats the other person's child badly, and that shouldn't have any impact on the relationship between the two adults? She's talking absolute nonsense OP.

Run. For the sake of your child. My ex-husband's GF did the same. He now doesn't see our son and hasn't for 2.5 years. It's cruel, selfish and unforgivable. You have to end this relationship for the sake of your child.

100% agree with this.

Are there other children in the house?

It sounds like she is jealous of your daughter & the relationship you have with her.

You don’t have any choice except to leave the relationship.

Leave her. No way would I be told by anyone by son is not welcome in MY home. I bet she throws the "this is my house not yours" card at you too doesn't she. Leave, this situation will not improve.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship where my partner banned my child from the house (unless my child was an adult and was harmful to the partner/other children).

If I was the partner, I also wouldn't remain in a relationship where I felt my partner was disrespectful of my resident child.

It sounds like it's cards on the table time for both of you - either you work out this huge issue - you both agree what needs to change around your interaction with partner's dc and partner agrees your dc is welcome to the house - or you separate.

I don’t understand why your still together.

You need to move out.

If you don't end this relationship, you're choosing your partner over your child.

So do you want to be a shit parent in a relationship, or a good parent who is single?

Frankly it's concerning that you even have to ask what to do on this one.

There are 4 of you involved in this situation, and it is rubbish for each and every one of you. There is no upside. Why are you still together?

So she expects you to not see your kid or book an Airbnb every fortnight to see her. Do you really need people to tell you to leave??

My understanding of the act differently isn't that you treat step daughter differently when Daughter is there to not, but you treat daughter differently to step daughter, because step daughte

r has complex needs and you dint know how to interact with her much?

Tbh SHE'S unreasonable for moving in a guy who didn't have a good relationship with her child, YABU for letting her push your daughter away.

She's punishing your child to punish you. You need to leave. That is not acceptable.

Agree.
This is an awful situation and I appreciate it might not be easy to leave. But your partner is being irrational and cruel to your daughter and to you.

You need to leave. It’s not fair on your dd

if she thinks you’re not being fair on her dd, then she needs to tell you it’s over and that you need to leave

one of you has to have the balls to do the right thing by their child.

For gods sake OP. Grow a pair and end this relationship. It’s pathetic that you are even asking if it’s okay that your partner bans your daughter from coming to the house.

Please think carefully about how this will affect the relationship of you and your daughter - your daughter will be looking at how you respond to this 'edict'. What your partner is doing is basically saying 'put me and mine first'. And your daughter will know this and respond accordingly to your choice. If your partner is making these demands, does she deserve to be put first?

I have been (differently) in your shoes, and I chose my partner. My relationship with my daughter has never recovered and I bitterly bitterly regret my choice.

I'm going through this exact situation at the moment, except I'm the woman in this.

Difference is, I've tried every means possible to ensure that everyone is equal in this household. But his child will always come out on top.

So I'm taking myself out the situation. Sounds like she needs to as well. I'd be asking you both to leave not just the child. Makes no sense why she's ok for you to remain there when you are the one causing the problem. Not the child.

Your home isn’t a place your daughter visits, it is her home. Your partner is kicking out your daughter. That means she is kicking you out as well.

Your dd will be better off without her, and her dd will be better off without you. Bottom line, this blended family ain’t working.